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#5.
"Before He Cheats" - Carrie Underwood
Harshest lines:
Carrie Underwood's breakout hit turned out to be a one of those rare crossovers that appealed to fans of nearly every genre of music. Apparently every female, be they goth, redneck, hipster or grandmother, wants to see a cheater get owned. "Before He Cheats" won a bunch of awards on a bunch of country video stations and the 2007 MTV Video Music Award for Best New Artist. Sure, an MTV award ranks somewhere between your high school marching band varsity letter and Hitler's skeleton on the spectrum of things you'd proudly display on your mantle. But, go ahead and turn on your radio. Any station, it doesn't matter. If you wait about 25 minutes, we guarantee you that you'll hear this song at least once. It may be a Finnish opera station, but someone, somewhere is playing it. If there's one thing that brings women of different cultures and backgrounds together it's a hatred of men.
Bitterness level: 7
#4.
"Smile" - Lily Allen
Harshest lines:
In an attempt to out-crazy Carrie Underwood, Lily Allen takes things a step further by wreaking havoc on her cheating boyfriend himself. Granted, all this goes down in the video rather than the song itself, but you still probably won't mess with Lily Allen. It's hard to say whether the gentleman in question is crying because of his lost love or the fact that she had his ass kicked and then spikes his coffee with a laxative.
Seriously though, the guy should have seen it coming. After all, who cheats on a girl who is a product of a broken home, attended 13 different schools, was expelled from several of them for drinking, smoking and giving blow jobs, then dropped out at the age of 15 to work in a record store and deal ecstasy. You don't cheat on a women like her, man! That's marriage material.
Bitterness level: 7.5
#3
"Shitlist" - L7
Harshest lines:
If there is one person's shitlist you do not want to be on, it's a punk rock chick. Especially a punk rock chick like Donita Sparks, who once removed her tampon on stage and threw it into the crowd. Supposedly she did it as a symbol of protest about missiles or ... something. Either way, if that's what she'll do to a huge crowd of adoring fans just imagine what would happen to the dude that ends up on that particular shitlist.
Bitterness level: 8.75
#2.
"Goodbye Earl" - Dixie Chicks
Harshest lines:
Finally. After all the talk, implications and threats someone finally follows through, and no one deserved it more than Earl. If there is one thing that is inexcusable, it's battering women (especially since they're so much better naked! Right guys! Ahem). "Goodbye Earl" only got as high as No. 13 on the Billboard Hot Country charts, presumably due to it's dark subject matter. Probably also, because it ends with the heroines running a fruit stand. Regardless of rankings it remains one of the Dixie Chicks' most popular songs, once again proving that women are ruthless. Go to a Dixie Chicks' concert with your girlfriend and you will feel the venomous glee of 10,000 women singing this song at the top of their lungs.
Bitterness level: 9
#1.
"You Oughta Know" - Alanis Morissette
Harshest lines:
How, you may ask, can a song about a jilted lover come in ahead of an actual in-song murder? That's because all of the above songs are more or less stories--women playing out bitter fantasies with a microphone in hand. Alanis Morissette is really fucking bitter here, and it comes across in every acidic word. Remember that before this, Alanis was the Canadian Britney Spears, a teenage dance-pop sensation. What could have gone so terribly wrong to transform her from this ...
... into the shrieking harpy in "You Oughta Know"? The list of urban legends on who Morissette is singing about is nearly as long as Carly Simon's. The most notable of those honorees are Bob Saget of Full House, Dave Coulier of Full House, hockey player Doug Gilmour, hockey player Mike Peluso, Matt LeBlanc of Friends and musician Leslie Howe. According to a news story it's commonly accepted that the song is, in fact, referring to Dave Coulier.
Go ahead and imagine them fucking for a while. Coulier allegedly broke up with Morissette because he wanted to start a family and she felt she wasn't ready. It's important to note that, at the start of their relationship, he was 31 and she was 16. Really, Uncle Joey, you can't be surprised if your girlfriend isn't mother material if she needs your accompaniment to get into an R-rated movie. You know, the movie where she went down on you in the theater?
Bitterness level: 9.9
Stephen Handley also writes the pop-culture blog Cotton & Sand. |
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FYI, I know the category is female, it was a lame attempt at humor
You forgot a classic, Weird Als's one More minute "I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you"
I must admit, I love before he cheats, and the best part of "Earl' was the video
"Joey wasn't dorky" Heh, I swear I said that just as I read it.
Joey wasn't dorky... :(
I want to drag my ass on Carly Simon's carpet.
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I agree with blackwings.
Number one should most definatly be Why'd Ya Do It by Marianne Faithful. You think there was a change in Alanis Moorsette? There was a bigger change in Marianne Faithful. And if not number one, it should have at least been on the list.
Look up "Rub 'Till it Bleeds" by PJ Harvey. Definitely listworthy.
i'm sure there are a-plenty songs of men cheating on women, what's the harm in a few get backs? (evil laugh)
ouch, women are HARSH!
bitter female ROCK songs? I'm lost, I thought the dixie chicks were country and Rhiana was pop, and Nancy Sinatra is what? maybe oldies or something. But I do like the #1 that one was right.
I think you missed with this one. Number one should be "Why D'ya Do It?" by Marianne Faithfull. That song makes Alanis Morisette's "I Want To Know" sound like Karen freaking Carpenter.
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tiggerwitch1
This article just came out before Jazmine Sullivan's "Bust Your Windows." This song should have definitely made the list/