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Revenge is a Bitch: The 10 Most Bitter Female Rock Songs

By Stephen Handley November 21, 2007 475,720 views
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#5.
"Before He Cheats" - Carrie Underwood

Harshest lines:
"That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4-wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seats ... I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires ..."

Carrie Underwood's breakout hit turned out to be a one of those rare crossovers that appealed to fans of nearly every genre of music. Apparently every female, be they goth, redneck, hipster or grandmother, wants to see a cheater get owned. "Before He Cheats" won a bunch of awards on a bunch of country video stations and the 2007 MTV Video Music Award for Best New Artist.

Sure, an MTV award ranks somewhere between your high school marching band varsity letter and Hitler's skeleton on the spectrum of things you'd proudly display on your mantle. But, go ahead and turn on your radio. Any station, it doesn't matter. If you wait about 25 minutes, we guarantee you that you'll hear this song at least once. It may be a Finnish opera station, but someone, somewhere is playing it. If there's one thing that brings women of different cultures and backgrounds together it's a hatred of men.

Bitterness level: 7
Never before has destroying a man's automobile been catchier, and that is fucking terrifying.

#4.
"Smile" - Lily Allen

Harshest lines:
"At first when I see you cry, yeah, it makes me smile"

In an attempt to out-crazy Carrie Underwood, Lily Allen takes things a step further by wreaking havoc on her cheating boyfriend himself. Granted, all this goes down in the video rather than the song itself, but you still probably won't mess with Lily Allen. It's hard to say whether the gentleman in question is crying because of his lost love or the fact that she had his ass kicked and then spikes his coffee with a laxative.

Seriously though, the guy should have seen it coming. After all, who cheats on a girl who is a product of a broken home, attended 13 different schools, was expelled from several of them for drinking, smoking and giving blow jobs, then dropped out at the age of 15 to work in a record store and deal ecstasy. You don't cheat on a women like her, man! That's marriage material.

Bitterness level: 7.5
That whole laxative thing is just wrong.

#3
"Shitlist" - L7

Harshest lines:
"I grab my pen and I write up a list, of all the people that won't be missed ... You made my shitlist"

If there is one person's shitlist you do not want to be on, it's a punk rock chick. Especially a punk rock chick like Donita Sparks, who once removed her tampon on stage and threw it into the crowd. Supposedly she did it as a symbol of protest about missiles or ... something.

Either way, if that's what she'll do to a huge crowd of adoring fans just imagine what would happen to the dude that ends up on that particular shitlist.

Bitterness level: 8.75
She says she'll grab her "pen" and write up the list, but one way or another we're pretty sure she's going to actually write the list in shit.

#2.
"Goodbye Earl" - Dixie Chicks

Harshest lines:
"Earl, ain't it dark, wrapped up in that tarp?"

Finally. After all the talk, implications and threats someone finally follows through, and no one deserved it more than Earl. If there is one thing that is inexcusable, it's battering women (especially since they're so much better naked! Right guys! Ahem).

"Goodbye Earl" only got as high as No. 13 on the Billboard Hot Country charts, presumably due to it's dark subject matter. Probably also, because it ends with the heroines running a fruit stand.

Regardless of rankings it remains one of the Dixie Chicks' most popular songs, once again proving that women are ruthless. Go to a Dixie Chicks' concert with your girlfriend and you will feel the venomous glee of 10,000 women singing this song at the top of their lungs.

Bitterness level: 9
Sure, it doesn't actually sound that bitter. It's an upbeat-sounding song. It does have a happy ending and Earl did deserve it, but that only masks the bitterness. There was an in-song murder, and that's fucking bitter no matter how many nah-nah-nahs you put in there.

#1.
"You Oughta Know" - Alanis Morissette

Harshest lines:
"And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back, I hope you feel it"

How, you may ask, can a song about a jilted lover come in ahead of an actual in-song murder? That's because all of the above songs are more or less stories--women playing out bitter fantasies with a microphone in hand. Alanis Morissette is really fucking bitter here, and it comes across in every acidic word.

Remember that before this, Alanis was the Canadian Britney Spears, a teenage dance-pop sensation. What could have gone so terribly wrong to transform her from this ...

... into the shrieking harpy in "You Oughta Know"?

The list of urban legends on who Morissette is singing about is nearly as long as Carly Simon's. The most notable of those honorees are Bob Saget of Full House, Dave Coulier of Full House, hockey player Doug Gilmour, hockey player Mike Peluso, Matt LeBlanc of Friends and musician Leslie Howe. According to a news story it's commonly accepted that the song is, in fact, referring to Dave Coulier.

Go ahead and imagine them fucking for a while.

Coulier allegedly broke up with Morissette because he wanted to start a family and she felt she wasn't ready. It's important to note that, at the start of their relationship, he was 31 and she was 16. Really, Uncle Joey, you can't be surprised if your girlfriend isn't mother material if she needs your accompaniment to get into an R-rated movie. You know, the movie where she went down on you in the theater?

Bitterness level: 9.9
The only thing that could have made this a 10 was if Alanis also dated David Schwimmer, therefore having hooked up with the two dorkiest Full House stars and the two dorkiest Friends stars. Alas, she falls a bit short.

Stephen Handley also writes the pop-culture blog Cotton & Sand.



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240 Comments

My favorite one has to be Alice Cooper's "Love's a Loaded Gun". Yeah, it's not a female singer but how can you beat the lines:

"One down, one to go
Just another bullet in the chamber
Sometimes love's a loaded gun..."

10/7/2009 2:44:32 PM
Melhelix

@AshsWorkshed: Ugh, those Heart lyrics are stupid. If looks could paint, I'd have this wall done in no time. How about you take some more action than just looking really hard? "No, I'm gonna try looking at him some more." Well, enjoy your victimhood.

10/4/2009 8:14:50 AM
Lakonislate

Pretty much any song with Lil' Kim and Biggie in it is pretty f*****g scary. not rock, but neither is beyonce.

10/4/2009 6:22:51 AM
Quesoformagio

i don't have time to look through over 200 comments but two good songs are missing off this list.

1. Jazmine Sullivan's-"I Bust the Windows Out Your Car"--the title speaks for itself. she goes on to explain how it doesn't make her feel better but hopes the guy learns his lesson (yeah, right). i didn't really expect her on here because she hasn't crossed over yet and is still in the urban market. but if you do a second list, please add her!

2. Kelis-"I Hate You So Much Right Now"--again, it speaks for itself. this song actually crossed over a bit more due to her pyschotic yelling throughout the chorus. it was a banger around 99/2000 (my first year of college). she found the side chick's red coat and cocked a pistol...hilarity.

9/9/2009 10:12:22 AM
tiff_()()

i nominate mya for a couple songs- but mostly for 1998's "if you died i wouldn't cry cause you never loved me anyway".. including such beautiful verses as "you could get struck by lightning/washed away by the sea/burned in a fire/just don't bring it back to me" and "i hope you die, i hope you die" which i admit to having put on a couple of answering machines back in the day.
also for "switch it up"
tyrone- erykah badu
take a bow- rihanna
call me when you're sober- evanessence
didn't i tell you- keyshia cole

8/27/2009 11:10:23 AM
kinky_kitty

Yeah, this has been said, but only Alanis Morrisette, L7, and Blondie are rock.

8/23/2009 10:20:39 PM
Bison

I nominate this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO9b5mw381I

8/5/2009 6:14:24 AM
manuscript

Oh, yeah. Carly Simon auctioned off the name of whoever "You're So Vain" is really about. That means there's some random person out there who gets to snicker about the guy every time he hears the song. That's gotta sting, too.

7/30/2009 9:02:31 PM
AshsWorkshed

I gotta nominate "If Looks Could Kill," by Heart. I normally can't stand Heart, but this song is good. The women don't just want to kill him; they want his ass to suffer.

"I wanna hear you say you're sorry
'Cause nobody takes advantage of me...
...If looks could kill
You'd be lying on the floor
You'd be begging me, 'Please, please, baby, don't hurt me no more,'
If looks could kill
You'd be reeling from the pain."

Also, I hate Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." There are so many wonderful things she could've done--sugar/bleach in the gas tank, a tack in the tire so it would blow while the guy is driving it, not signing her freaking name, etc. In addition, Pink's "So What" is a little less violent, but still good. She doesn't do anything to the guy; she just reminds him that she's still a goddamn rock star. It's like the biggest "naner naner boo boo, stick your head in doo doo" ever.

7/30/2009 9:00:55 PM
AshsWorkshed

Is it ironic I bought 'Before he cheats' and 'Breakin' Dishes' on iTunes after reading this list?

7/20/2009 12:53:01 PM
UnluckyAmulet

My nomination goes to "Bye Bye Beautiful," which only qualifies halfway because Annette only sings some of the lyrics... still, the song is Nightwish ranting about how much of a traitorous b***h Tarja was, so it's pretty damn bitter even if a large portion of the lyrics are sung by a man.

7/1/2009 2:26:59 PM
Plangkye

uh, no that is one of G-d's names. It is the proper pronunciation for the 4 letter name of G-d that is in every single blessing, um, ever. We only say Je*ova on days like Yom Kippur because of its holiness. And Suri is short for Sarah which does mean princess, or leader in Bibilical Hebrew and Aramaic. Nesi'ah (which not used to refer to royalty) is just the Ancient and Modenr female form of Nasi, which means prince. Uch, don't talk unless you know what you're talking about!

Great article!

4/29/2009 9:55:02 AM
leahperry

Yeah, it's a name for god. it's actually spelled jehova. Jay-z is just f*****g retarded and thinks that his ugly ass is a gift to women and rap artists everywhere.

3/31/2009 12:02:59 AM
Sliptheflitch

what about "hot and cold" by katy perry? and the hebrew god word is wrong, there's alot of names for god in hebrew but i never heard that one. maybe im wrong, i just hate it when celebrities try to use hebrew names and words and use it wrongly, like tom cruise and his wife named their child suri, which suppose to mean "princes" but princes is nesiha in hebrew

3/30/2009 1:39:59 PM
milestarcar1994

I really liked the alanis morissette and carrie underwood songs because they are just plain good ... heck all of these songs are awesome just different genres ... i personally prefer metal and death metal but these are awesome anyway

3/26/2009 3:27:07 PM
OilPaint

This list fails for lack of rock.

Other than Blondie and L7, all the other songs are by country/pop starlets. you cant rock with an acoustic guitar, fiddle, and cowboy hat.

3/18/2009 10:50:51 AM
Danowar

I'm backing the Dixie Chicks on this one. Murder beats out interrupting your ex while he has dinner.

3/7/2009 3:09:57 PM
dizzypdx

urbancowgirl I can't believe you posted all of that. Go to your room! Fired.

2/25/2009 11:58:19 AM
perraru

How ironic that Rihanna made this list and ended up getting smacked around by Chris Brown.

2/19/2009 12:26:46 AM
bustos26

and what about this one

Should've Said No
It's strange to think the songs we used to sing,
The smiles, the flowers, everything,
Is gone.
Yesterday I found out about you,
Even now just looking at you,
Feels wrong.
You say, that you'd take it all back,
Given one chance, it was a moment of weakness,
And you said yes

You should've said no,
You should've gone home,
You should have thought twice before you let it all go.
You should've known that word 'bout what you did with her'd, get back to me.
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind,
Shouldn't be asking myself why,
You shouldn't be begging for forgivness at my feet,
You should've said no
Baby and you might still have me.

You can see that I've been cryin',
Baby you know all the right things,
To say.
But do you, honestly,
Expect me, to believe,
We could ever be the same.
You say, that the past is the past,
You need one chance, it was a moment of weakness,
And you said yes

You should've said no,
You should've gone home,
You should have thought twice before you let it all go.
You should've known that word 'bout what you did with her'd, get back to me.
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind
Shouldn't be asking myself why,
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet,
You should've said no
Baby and you might still have me..

I can't resist,
Before you go tell me this,
Was it worth it,
Was she worth this.

No, no, no, no

You should've said no,
You should've gone home,
You should have thought twice before you let it all go.
You should've known that word 'bout what you did with her'd, get back to me.
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind
Shouldn't be asking myself why,
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet,
You should've said no
Baby and you might still have me..

2/5/2009 9:55:13 AM
urbancowgirl

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