| Featured |
10 Things Christians and Atheists Can (And Must) Agree On
|
The war that's coming between the fundamentalist Christians and the hard-core Atheists probably won't be the most violent of the holy wars. But it has the potential to be the most annoying. We'll, I'm going to try to stop it. So I'm running into this guy basically everywhere I go:
Not that exact guy. People like him. I recognize the type, I had to spend the whole first half of my life around the Christian version of those guys, people who worked it into every conversation. But now I'm running into these really aggressive, sort of evangelical atheists. Ever since 9/11/2001, in fact. The exact day a whole lot of atheists decided this religion thing had to go before it killed us all. These things never end well. But I think we've got more common ground than we admit. For instance, both my atheist and Christian friends (I seem to have an equal number of both these days) tell me they agree with the following statement: Celebrating the death of somebody you disagreed with pretty much makes you a dick.
So how about this: I'm going to throw out a few of these statements - things I think we have to agree on if we want to avoid disaster - and you can read until you see something you disagree with. We'll see how long we can make it last. Why? Because something's brewing. I wander around my local Barnes & Noble and they've got a whole special table set aside: 
But you start cheering his death, you've walked away from the one single baseline every remotely moral person has ever agreed on: the value of human life. And I know we all agree on that, because we can all think of people we could've otherwise stabbed and gotten away with it. And sure, there may be a few of my atheists out there saying that what Falwell was spewing was so hateful, that it surely inspired some murders (of homosexuals or abortion doctors or whatever) and that he thus deserved death on those grounds. But you don't want to live by that rule; you'll wind up in a world where gangsta rappers and video game programmers and political commentators and novelists are considered worthy of death just because some fans claimed their work inspired them to kill. That's the sort of thing a nut from the other side would say. Right? No, people got to have the right to express themselves, good, bad and ugly. Falwell had a family. Friends. He was a human being. You cheer over his corpse and you're just acting like a pecker. And that's another thing both sides agree on, that we hate this modern trend toward peckerfication. So let's see what else we agree on... (NOTE: Per international regulations governing all online religious debate, we are required to insert on each page humorous and inflammatory image macros such as the one below. To prove my objectivity, these have been carefully chosen as to be equally offensive to all belief systems. -MGMT )
We're putting aside the question of which belief system has killed more people by percentage of population, or whether a hypothetical world without religion would have seen fewer or more genocides than ours. We're not going to open a spreadsheet and try to count which belief system manufactures more murderous sociopaths per capita. All I need from you is agreement that it's entirely possible for either an atheist or theist world to devolve into a screaming murder festival. The religious leader sends his people into battle because he thinks God commanded it, the Stalins and Maos of the world do the same because they see their people as nothing more than meaty fuel to be ground up to feed the machinery of The State. In both cases, the people are equally dead. Yeah, yeah, I know the Christians are saying that the guy who fights an unjust or needless war is violating God's law, and thus isn't a good Christian. Meanwhile, the atheists are saying that Stalin was merely bloodthirsty, separate and apart from his disbelief in a higher power. Both believe, then, that it is a corruption of their belief system that allows unjust slaughter to happen. But for this project, All we need to agree on is this: it happens in both cases. And if the opposing belief system vanished tomorrow, war and bloodshed and terror would still take place. And can we further admit it's actually physically impossible to calculate whether, if your side had its way, the volume of terrible things happening would go up, or down, or stay the same? I know you have an opinion on that, and I can guess what it is. But we don't know, and can't state it like it's fact. Right? Everybody still on board? 
2. Both Sides Really Do Believe What They're Saying Christians do this thing that drives atheists nuts, where they talk like God is patently obvious to all mankind, and that atheism is therefore just petty, intentional rebellion against Christians. In other words, that atheists don't honestly believe what they say, and just say it because they're jerks. But atheists do something very similar, particularly when a Christian says: "Only the saved go to Heaven!" ...and what the atheist hears is: "I want everyone else to go to Hell!" It's the same thing, thinking that deep down Christians don't really believe this is the law handed down by a creator, and therefore Christianity is just a petty, intentional rebellion against the non-Christians of the world. In other words, that Christians don't honestly believe what they say, and just say it because they're jerks. But all that is just a way to make cartoon villains out of the people who disagree with us. And if we stop and think about it, we'll see it's asinine. Atheists, you know that Christians have freaking died because they refused to walk away from what they believe. That goes beyond simple human stubbornness. I mean, I can tell you first hand. I was raised in a Pentecostal church (like the one they visited in the Borat movie). 
You can say they're wrong. You can say it all day, you can etch "YOU'RE WRONG" into the surface of the moon with a giant laser. But you'll have a lot less angst if you remember that the thing they're wrong about is something they honestly believe, down to their roots. I guess you could just call them crazy, but it's a little silly to use that word when believers are the norm in human population. But either way, it's not something they intentionally chose just to annoy you. Christians, same deal. Every one of you have got friends and family who aren't believers. And I bet some of them are good people. Earnest people, thoughtful people. Charitable. Kind. So... doesn't that kind of kill the premise that these people are avoiding God out of sinful rebellion or fear of having to live a godly life? After all, you've got people who are doing the hard part (self-sacrifice, patience, giving up all sorts of sinful pleasures) but are avoiding the easy part (praying and listening to a preacher talk for one hour a week). If God and the danger of Hell were that obvious, why wouldn't they just go all the way with it? No, if there is a God, it appears that some good people honestly don't perceive him. For whatever reason. And there has to be some tolerance in God's rules for the Honest Mistake. Has to be. Otherwise we're all going to get screwed by that thing with the Sabbath being on Saturday instead of Sunday. 
|
Yes, I'm real. I'm not just a part of your LSD induced imagination.
What, is that administrator dude for real?
Hey, this is fun. I like all the hate in here.
Well anyways, I just think I might be an extremist. I don't have ANY morality, to me human value is only equal to that of how much I can sell it for. It's called pragmatism. And yes, if you're wondering, I DO think if I die not much value would be lost, that and I don't delude myself into thinking that I'm worth a flying f*ck. If I die, I KNOW the the rest of the world will just keep spinning, that a few tears from siblings and friends is all I'll get for all my bitching about religion. I honestly don't give a damn about my value, because I know that unless I come up with a way to make my existence (not life) better, than I will consider myself as valuable as the dirt in my closet.
I don't understand all this rationalization everyone needs to make. I mean, why SHOULD there be a meaning to your life? If I kill a baby, was the meaning of it's life to die by my hands? If so, then I'll kill all the babies I need to fulfill that meaning. If not, then hooray.
Also my little question about christianity: if god hates homosexuals and all such people and (s)he gives us our soul, why would he create gays and lesbians? For fun?
So trunks, your only reason for being a Christian is that you're scared of being burned up in eternal hellfire? Not a very good christian, if I do say so myself.
Someone comes up to me and says if I don't put a rubber chicken up my anus every day after breakfast, the flying spaghetti monster will rip me in half and defile my innards with all of its noodly appendages for the rest of eternity.
Should I do that every day on the off-chance that it will happen?
What if Islam turns out to be the correct religion? I've just wasted my entire life doing something I hate, and I'm still eternally punished by the end of it.
I see no reason why I should follow a God I don't believe in when its just as likely that any other God (or none at all) is the correct one.
If one of your loved ones was taken ill, or hit by a car - what would you do? Take them to a doctor? Or just leave them and pray the Lord will help them?
I wonder just how much God will help you then?
What's the payout for being an atheist and putting in all this time in educating people that you have found the right answer. Do you get Atheist points for enlightening people about your Philosophy. I don't get it. Just what if all these "crazy" Chrisitans happen to be right, and your left to face a Holy God. Was your meaningless life of say 60 or 70 years of defending you theory worth it??? Why wouldn't you at least play the odds "just in case" At least accepting Jesus Christ in your life has a payout (both eternal life and a relationship with the Creator of the Universe). I mean you guys want to believe in something so badly, you cant face your problems; you would never believe that a God would do such "bad things" and you landed on this. Atheism??? For how smart you guys all say you are, it doesn't make much sense to me whatsoever. If you decide to believe in God and your "wrong" or you believe in No god, you'll die and thats it... Either way its the same. But if you put your Faith in Jesus Christ, you'll soon see that the payout is worth it. And go ahead keep God out of schools, pretend He doesn't exist. You guys are complete fools. I don't care if I step on your toes, it seems like atheists are just mad at the world, hiding behind their little theories haha. Im sure that your views on atheism really help you get through the day, they help you during times of crisis, or when your sick. Thats awesome!!! It seems like what your doing is working!!! Stop kidding yourself, just face it! And I know that the fact that I am praying for you will only build your case stronger against why you hate God or Christians, but come one. You are obviously searching for answers or you wouldnt be on this website in the first place hahaha. God will tug on your heart this week and youll get shaken up. He will receive the glory. I mean you either can bow now, or bow later...
You all need to be educated, and if you want to hear you morality questions answered read or re-read "Mere Christianity by CS LEWIS"
Mr. Wong, you are like G.K. Chesterton with c**k jokes. And please believe that I mean that in an absolutely complimentary sense. I love the c**k. (I mean, not in a gay way. But--well--yeah.)
"The mark of an educated mind is the ability to entertain a thought without accepting it."
#4: Christians who believe in the Bible must believe "there is none righteous, no not one, not one who doeth good."
To the Christian, all mankind is corrupt, evil, vile, stinking, rotten, dispicable scum to be tossed into hellfire. The only person righteous to a Christian is Christ, and by extension whatever scum believes in Christ so that Christ extends his righteousness to them. Thus Christianity is incompatible with the belief that atheists can be good people.
Only atheists or other non-Christians can believe there are people on both sides who are good.
No. 2:
I really don't know ANY atheists that don't believe religious people actually believe what they believe. However, I have read BOOKS, popular books, whose whole claim is that atheists know deep down that God exists. In fact, if you believe in the Bible, you HAVE to believe atheists know that God exists, because the Bible says everyone knows God exists, that it is apparent from "creation", and that only a fool would say there is no God. That's directly from the Bible. NO person could agree with #2 and simultaneously believe in the Bible. Only atheists can believe in #2, and most every single one of them does.
No. 1, while true, seems to be a straw-man argument. Most atheists books I've read make the point that religion is dangerous not to prove religion invalid, but to prove that religion's exclusive claims to morality, or their claims that "religion makes people better" are bullshit. It's not a "who killed more people?" question, it's a "does the evidence really support your claims?" question.
Oh come on, posting snarky comments on a website forum is completely incomparable to picketing a funeral, or "celebrating" someone's death. If your idea of a "celebration" is posting a sentence-long entry on some stupid internet forum, I feel bad for your kids at Christmas-time.
I just wanted to say that, as a (very dedicated, or at least as dedicated as I can be) Christian, I thought this article was absolutely fantastic. We need more people stating the plain facts that everyone should be able to see if they step out of their own skin once in a while.
jacky5, sorry to say, but you're generalizing. many friends, and myself too(only 1 of my friends is christian, rest atheist) thought this was a great article.
to be fair, neither 1.5 billion christians nor 1 billion non-religious people(aprox. both numbers from wikipedia) can be generalized into one 'group'.
yes, there are horrible atheists out there, and people who will use this article(or any article) to say religion sucks. but theres also great people who are inspired by this article to lead by example.
same for religious people. there are some assholes that claim to be religious, or are religious, yet loads of religious people try to make this world a little bit of a better place.
generalizing never works, especialy when the group you're trying to generalize has 1/10th or more of the worlds population.
Wow David, thanks for painting all of us with such an overly simplistic and ignorant brush. Here's an idea, maybe you should just stick with making the funny stuff happen.
As a Christian I believe it's important to love and respect everyone. However, I don't believe it is necessary to respect a belief that you do not agree with. An atheist would share the same viewpoint. Far too often hatred is spewed towards one or the other in conversation with one another. It's very difficult to have a civilized and intelligent conversation on this matter.
Wow, I really enjoyed reading this. I LOL'd at the captions and several parts of your article, so it gets a thumbs up for entertainment; I also was provoked to thought at appropriate moments, so you win the prize there too.
All in all I come out of it with a new perspective, and feeling like I /didn't/ just waste several minutes of my life. So yeah, thumbs up and kudos all around!
wow, wong, i'm extremely impressed with this article, particularly number three, in which you graciously explained to me that the only alternative to absolute moral relativism was christianity. not countless other religions or dozens of different philosophical treatments of ethics, but good old christianity. thanks!
neshobanakni
Wonderful post! As a devout Christian, I think everyone should absorb these well-reasoned observations. We Christians should remember to "Judge Not." Jesus might want me to give you the "Good News," but not badger you to the point that you think all Christians are goofy pains-in-the-ass. Our only job is to love you and abide by the Golden Rule. Or, barring that, just give you a bewildered look and cross to the other side of the street. ... are panhandlers in the Bible? Maybe I've lost my train of thought ...
ice ventrago
i belive u are right we need more people that understand each other and not trying to change others people are how they are im atheist and im proud but my best friend is a bible buddy lol so if i was like everyone who hates each other cuz of things they think i would hate him but i dont cuz i think he belives wat he belives cuz will in his mind he is right just like in my mind im right so i agree with u
More Funny Stuff
-
The 5 Most Retarded Causes People Are Actually Fighting For
Lobster rights? Good one!
-
The 6 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Old School PSAs
Pot makes you a bloodthirsty homosexual pervert.
-
If Every (Famous) Person Got What They Deserved
Take that, James Blunt!
-
6 People Who Died In Order To Prove A (Retarded) Point
They died like they lived: idiots.
Popular stuff
-
6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science
Apparently, science likes sex as much as Cracked.
-
The 10 Worst Places to Get Caught Having Sex
We know because people tried.
-
The Worst Day Ever (As Seen Through An Email Inbox)
-
How NOT to Get a Kiss
There's such a thing as wanting it too badly.
Check out more from BriTANicK.
Posted: 11/18/2008 9:45:11 AM
Post Subject: How To Train An Army of Animals To Do Your Bidding
If you're like most Cracked readers, you have a deep and fierce loathing of everyone around you, and constantly simmer in a stew of sweat and rage at your inability to shape the world to your ...
CNN Thinks Gift Cards Are Complicated (or Contest Winners, Rankings and preparing for the end)Well, six people won the HBN Contest, and they each get a scanned version of a Patrick Semple or ...
On Inauguration Day White People Can Finally Be CoolI cannot stress how important these next four years are going to be. Ladies and Gentl ...
- Home
- Submissions
- Contact Us
- Newsletter
- Cracked Store
- Advertise
- Terms & Conditions
- Link to Cracked
- Privacy Policy
- Site Map
Copyright © 2005 - 2007 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
DISCLAIMER: All characters, names and places used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are fictitious and are used herein for the purposes of comment, criticism, parody, pointing out political and/or social injustice or any other purpose through which humanity is held up to the ridicule it frequently deserves. Any similarity to real people, without parodic purpose, is a coincidence. All trade names, product names and trademarks of third parties, including any trademarked characters, used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are used without the authorization of those third parties, and are used only for the purpose of parody and identification. No sponsorship, endorsement or affiliation by or with those third parties exists or should be implied.
![](”http://vs.dmtracker.com/images/zig.gif?Log=1")
socalmarine
I'm an atheist, and won't get into the flame war that I assume is going on (haven't read any comments)...but I do have to say, that regardless of how wrong I know it is: Some part of me will be made to feel warm when any member of the Phelps family dies, particularly Fred.