As far as we can tell, MTV' Video Music Awards exists so celebrities can get all hopped up on drugs and do retarded things-that would be embarrassing to any normal human being-the media lauds as "spontaneous and unscripted." And, MTV keeps producing it only so they can make a series of shows about the greatest VMA moments. Well, with the 2007 VMAs on the horizon, we figured we'd get in on the recap action by bringing you the five most absurd moments in this idiot pageant's history.
5Michael Jackson Kisses "Wife" Lisa Marie Presley (1994)
Synopsis: Elvis' daughter does her father' legacy proud by going on national TV and making out with Michael Jackson, who is dressed in catcher' gear from the knees down for some reason. The audience practically loses their fucking heads over the kiss, proving once again that awards-show audiences would cheer if Joseph Stalin took the stage and ate an entire Russian baby if they thought it was how they were expected to react.
Meanwhile, Lisa Marie Presley' failed acting career is foreshadowed by her inability to act like she is happily married, giving off a vibe more like that of a "kidnapping victim desperately trying to signal for help without alerting her captor."
Highlight: At 0:03, after a kiss that's more awkward than anything this side of seventh-grade rec-center dance, Jackson immediately turns away from the camera to hide the fact that he just vomited in his mouth.
4Nirvana Bassist "Catches" Guitar With His Face (1992)
Synopsis: They begin the performance playing the opening chords to Rape Me, suggesting that they are about to commit career "¦ well, you know. Kurt Cobain is sporting the same haircut as that girl from your second-grade class who was way too into horses. Also, he appears to be wearing some sort of floral-patterned muumuu.
As the song comes to an end bassist Krist Novoselic throws his 30-pound instrument into the air and, rather than getting the fuck out of the way, tries to catch it, knocking himself clean out and treating us to a delightful impression of Mike Tyson at the end of the Buster Douglas fight. As if all of this isn't weird enough, at the close of the performance, Dave Grohl gets on the mic and repeats the phrase "Hi Axl!" over and over again, which only could have been made weirder if he was beating the shit out of Dan Rather while saying it.
Highlight: Gotta be at 4:01. These days, videos like this are everywhere, but Krist Novoselic was the Jackie Robinson of people hurting themselves on camera in retarded ways.