The 5 Most Annoying Banner Ads On The Internet
5
TBS Funny Ads
This is everything that's wrong with the modern media in one convenient image, for the busy modern person who needs to lose faith in humanity 'on the go'. A website dedicated to the commercials which prevent you from watching the programs on television. This is why technology hasn't done all the things it promised to, like curing cancer or constructing Killbots programmed to travel back in time and kill Steve Martin sometime after Dirty Rotten Scoundrels but before Bringing Down the House. A site dedicated to the very best in ads is like a drink brewed for the very finest of hangovers- they're focusing on a horrible unwanted side-effect and a head-injury inspired decision somewhere has somehow made it the point.
Worse, they're targeting the most annoying demographic on the planet: the "I only watch it for the ads" vacuum-headed smirkers. This is a public service announcement: SAYING YOU DO NOT LIKE SOMETHING POPULAR DOES NOT MAKE YOU INDIVIDUAL AND EDGY. It makes you dumbass- at least the unoriginal hooting herd enjoy the damn game. You're being equally unoriginal, dumber, and deliberately spending time to point out how you don't like it. Do you think a monkey that repeatedly eats stones and complains about it is the "cool, unique" monkey in among his friends? No, he's the stupid one even in a group whose main hobbies are masturbating in public and throwing shit at each other.
It's terrifying that ads are becoming this popular. Their content reveals that the average IQ is in a terrifying death-dive, and the only thing dropping faster is Joe Q. Public's attention span. These are the people who said "Wazzzzzup?". They are the reason why, in an age where information can be beamed around the world faster than Superman, headlines have been reduced to "Terrorists are Bad" and "Puppies are Cute." Their slack-jawed superpower to do exactly what they're told is why an editorial hinting that maybe we shouldn't base education on two thousand-year-old papyrus rags found in a cave is considered "controversial."
Whilst reading this article about annoying adds....one of your annoying adds popped up...you know the ones that take over the entire page and when you click to close nothing happens so you have to refresh the page and read said article very quickly before said add strike again!!!
ReplyDoesn't anyone want to go back in time, find the mother of the guy who invented pop-over ads, and feed her slowly into a wood chipper? Maybe it's just me.
ReplyThe woodchipper is a pretty good idea, but I'd prefer to nail her to the ceiling, stab her a few times, and leave her to bleed to death.
unfunny rant
ReplyWhile I was reading the last page I literally put up my hand to cover up that goddamn jiggling abomination.
ReplyIs it strange that I saw at least 3 ads like this while reading the article? At first I thought they were part of the article itself, but then I looked a little closer and my grandmother was touching herself.
ReplyHELLOOOOOOO
ReplyHELLOOOOOOO
SAY SOMETHING!
HELLOOOOOOO!
This article was sorta funny -- kinda. I like angry humor, but this was unappetizingly hostile. Not right for Cracked.
ReplyThe WORST ads are the loud video ones that AUTOMATICALLY start whenever you goto the next page of the site you are checking out.
ReplyI hat the Zwinky ads or whatever they are. Every time I went to update facebook a few months ago, I got a pop-up asking me if I wanted to make a Zwinky avatar of myself. I tried ad-block but it didn't work. It was fucking irritating. NO I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE A STUPID ZWINKY AVATAR. WTF IS ZWINKY SUPPOSED TO MEAN ANYWAY?
ReplyDid those actually show ads? huh
ReplyI actually downloaded the smiley thing once because I thought they were cute, IT DOESN'T work and sends viruses. I never clicked a banner ad again.
ReplyNot too mention how stupidly fake #1 looks when they use Windows XP Windows when you use Mac or Linux, or even a later version of Windows. Adblock is amazing too.
ReplyDid you ever bother to check the date of the article?
Did you believe the other example were real as well, implied by your claim on how fake the first one looks?
Mozilla Firefox. Adblock Plus.
ReplyI had to turn mine off to actually view the images in the article.
You forgot to mention the ones that scream as loud as they can.
ReplyI love them. One day I was showing my older sis how to use the internet (she's like nearly 40 and really stupid) and she clicked on an ad promising a free Ps3. She got a free screamer instead. It was just awesome.
Luke, jeez, what's with the hateful, high-horse riding superior tone of this piece? I'd think you would save that hostility for the advertisers, not extend it to humanity in general (which includes your readers, your friends, your family, and oh yeah, you, you smug ass).
ReplyAlso, dude, those "survey" banners aren't surveys. They're just baiting you into clicking. They'll take you to the same site no matter which box you check. Don't be so naive.
Swing and a miss.
"hateful, high-horse riding superior tone of this piece"?
"smug ass"?
Oh hai Pot, have you met Kettle?
How about fantasy-game-anime ads with a scantily clad chicks boob's practically enveloping the screen? That gets on my nerves.
ReplyEvony? yeah. and the actual game features no boobs whatsoever.
The worst is Yahoo! Mail. EVERY time I enter my inbox there's five "unread chat" boxes blocking my screen, and they all refuse to be closed. I even have NoScript, and that sh*t still happens.
ReplyI haven't really experienced any of these ads in the past year or so, but I remember being most anguished by the ones making annoying sounds.
ReplyI usually have my volume turned up quite a bit for my musical pleasure, and when those ads would suddenly appear I'd be like JKJKJKDFUIOZRRGUIHOPIFGUH.
My least favorite ads are the animated ones that play noise
ReplyOh hell yeah. Specially when they find their way into freaking Youtube.
"I'm less likely than a 50 Cent shout out to Vanilla Ice"
ReplyLAWLKATS.