5 Reasons George W. Bush Isn't As Stupid As You Think
Think Dubya's a Gump? Think again-he may just be the smartest man on the planet. And you just might be able to learn something from the man who was smart enough to convince America he was functionally retarded.
5.
His "Down-Home" Country Roots
Why He Appears Mentally Disabled
Famously, Bush has cleared more brush than, well, a guy who's cleared a lot of brush. It's his hobby-moving sticks around like a real live cowboy. Go figure.
Why He's Actually a Genius
He made America forget that he's actually from the North. The cowboy president was, in fact, born in Connecticut and attended high school at the prestigious Phillips Academy in Andover, Mass. He moved on to college at Yale in New Haven, Conn. and then graduate school at Harvard in Cambridge, Mass., all the while spending summers at his family's estate in Kennebunkport, Maine.
The Pudding (Where The Proof Is)
All you other retaaaaads from New England haven't been able to drop that accent. Not only did Bush avoid it, he pulled a Southern one out of thin air the same way Madonna started talking like Oliver Twist after living in England for two months.
4.
His History of Drug Use
Why He Appears Mentally Disabled
Bush has been arrested for a DWI, and has allegedly used cocaine like William Howard Taft used bacon.
Why He's Actually a Genius
If you were a middle-aged man and your boss found out that you'd gotten a DWI and done coke, you'd get fired in hurry, even if you worked at McDonald's. Not to mention that your wife would probably divorce you, your kids would probably stop speaking to you and your friends would "accidentally" lose your phone number (dicks). Not Bush. His perpetually smiling wife stood by him, his whorish children adore him and he's the leader of the friggin' free world.
The Pudding (Where The Proof Is)
Bill Clinton-a supposedly intelligent President-got a lot more guff for allegations of marijuana use. Bush, on the other hand, rode the white pony (of not commenting) all the way to the Oval Office with no major yayo-related objections.
3.
His Functional Retardation at Press Conferences
Why He Appears Mentally Disabled
News flash: the man can't string a complete sentence together.
Why He's Actually a Genius
The President has contributed more new words to the English language than anyone since Shakespeare. How many words did, say, Jimmy Carter invent? Zero (although the sharp rise in popularity of the phrase "what a pussy" coincided exactly with his presidency). Shakespeare invented words like "braggartism" that-let's face it-don't exactly get used a lot. Bush, on the other hand, invented the word "misunderestimate," which is used daily by douchey office jockeys coast to coast. And who's to say it's not a real word? "Braggartism" wasn't a word either, until someone of exceptional intelligence said it was.
The Pudding (Where The Proof Is)
A highly advanced Internet search machine known as a "Google" reveals 74,000 results for Bush's "misunderestimate," compared with only 2,400 for Shakespeare's "braggartism." Who's a better word-inventor-guy now?
2.
His Lack of Smoothness With The Ladies
Why He Appears Mentally Disabled
From his awkward groping of German Chancellor Angela Merkel to his bizarre, sexually charged relationship with Condoleezza Rice, Bush is criminally awkward around women.
Why He's Actually a Genius
He convinced First Lady Laura to marry him after a three-month courtship-without the aid of an unplanned pregnancy. It takes most fellows three months just to convince a dame to remove her pantaloons, and Bush got the whole package (which, back in the late '70s, was a pretty tasty one) after just 12 weeks-roughly the same amount of time that cheese stays good in a refrigerator. Clearly, the man knows something that you don't, and by that, yes, we mean something sexy-smooth.
The Pudding (Where The Proof Is)
Sure, Dubya had the added advantage of being a member of a famous family awash in cash, but you don't see Donald Trump's son (big virgin) having any luck, even though he has a bigger arsenal of the same weapons.
1.
His Stance on the Economy
Why He Appears Mentally Disabled
The federal deficit has reached a new high because of the war in Iraq.
Why He's Actually a Genius
Not only has he hung onto his own money while losing that of American taxpayers, he's held onto his own life while, however indirectly, losing those of American taxpayers. America's in pretty rough shape, but Dubya's still super-rich and super-alive. How's he so cunningly self-sufficient? Well, he has an MBA from Harvard, a school he got into and graduated from while his dad was still only Chief of the US Liaison Office in China (whatever that is).
The Pudding (Where The Proof Is)
Bush's ownership stake in the Texas Rangers-originally purchased for $800,000-brought him $15 million when the team was sold in 1998. That's a 1,875 percent return on his investment, and more money than you will ever see. (Unless you're Donald Trump Jr., in which case, we're very sorry about the above comment.)
"he may just be the smartest man on the planet"
ReplyDid I miss a nuclear war or meteor impact or something?
Seriously... I can't decide whether having him on "are you smarter than a fifth grader" would be an awesome charity fundraiser, or abusing the infirm.
Eh.
ReplyKind of disagree on the getting her to marry him in three months. In his generation a marriage proposal was like the 'happy ending' for a lot of women.
Cannot hate the guy because he is living life way better than my broke cubicle jockey arse.
Still it seems more con artistry which is that diabolical form of smarts.
F@#k cracked
ReplyThis is the worst article I've ever read on Cracked. Shakespeare invented far more words than just braggartism. Words such as luggage, puke, zany, lonely, and many, many more. Words that are in common use today, unlike Bush's quaint colloquialisms. The fact that he trashed the economy of the US and came out of it with money in his pocket is evidence of nothing more than his failure as a leader. Please give me a legitimate reason that his having done immense amounts of drugs and marrying a woman has anything to do with him being a genius? In short, you tried very hard to extrapolate small details into achievements, and given who you're attempting to defend, it's understandable that you did such a poor job, but nevertheless, this article does not meet the standard of quality I've come to expect from Cracked. I could write a better article about why this article is so bad.
ReplyThe article has a point. He really did play up the stereotype. He is not the smartest President by far, but he did manage to do more damage than any other president in recent memory while lining his pockets and that of his friends, and if that was his intention then job well done sir. He did not however win the election, so you can not credit hidden depths of intelligence to his victory. More like having friends in High Courts. Bush vs Gore. It was handed to him.
so he got Laura after three months. She killed her first boyfriend in a car. She was des-per-ate.
ReplySorry folks, the "Clinton Surplus" is a myth. Borrowed money is not a surplus; the money was borrowed from Social Security. There hasn't been a surplus since Eisenhower was President. Congress controls spending. The President does not sign and cannot veto the budget. Once he submits his budget proposal, it's out of his hands.
ReplyThe "Clinton Surplus" should be called: "Gingrich almost balanced the budget."
There are so many things wrong with this sentence that I'm going to dignify it with a response other than to say "Hows the kool-aid."
You'll have to tell me, how that kool-aid tastes. You can't refute fact, with lies. I'd like to see you try, though. It's not like I haven't heard them all before.
I actualy didn't read this article but I still disagree with you.
ReplyI think this is a fair article. What is sad to me is seeing how many people are bitter about Obama and Bush, while making the same arguments. Bush might not have been a genius, but he was smart in many ways (at least 3). I get tired of how people dilute their arguments with name calling, and an intelligent perspective about how the Iraq War was a bad decision gets reduced to "Bush be actin all stupid". It's ok to acknowledge that there might be a few good things about something you dislike. In fact, it might help you find common ground with people sometimes.
ReplyThis article is really annoying and moronic in retrospect. Yes, Bush was a dick. In 2012 and onward: TL;DR Bush sucked.
ReplyYou should have said: "Didn't read lol!" (insert dancing GIF's)
Yes, but the difference is Shakespeare deliberately created those new words. Bush just made up s**t that he thought were actual words. Having said that the guy wasn't as dumb as the left wing media made out. For a while last decade Bush bashing was as keenly practiced as yoga, pilates, or any other left wing extra curricula activity. It made people, who were otherwise idiots themselves, feel a bit better.
Replyagreed. a lot of english just plain didn't exist before shakespeare, like exeunting
"It made people, who were otherwise idiots themselves, feel a bit better."
That seems to be the point of most liberal propaganda.
I think that this article should be renamed "5 Reasons That George W. Bush Only Succeeded Because of His Rich Daddy"
ReplyThe big family money is from his mom's side.
Don't forget that he also married a killer. Yep, Laura Bush. Laura Bush killed a guy. Thank you, Family Guy for keeping me informed.
ReplyDon't forget similar works of fiction about the Clintons, by respected authors such as Anne Coulter. Also, the moon landing was a fraud and Obama is an android.
lol *downloads Obama app for Android*
yeah... Donald Trump Jr. is married... to a f*****g model
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesi wish i had one of those f*****g models. way better than regular models.
Yeah, he's got more than one son, buddy. It's okay, champ, you'll get 'em next time. Keep your head up, sport!
@.Hog
Ha, I get it!
You forgot that Bush has flown fighter jets; you can't be stupid and do that. Many years ago an reasonable attempt was made to speculate his IQ and it came out to 116, which is slightly above average. Bush may not be as smart as Clinton, but he is smarter than Gore, Kerry, and Obama.
Reply Hide All See All 8 RepliesYeah the guy who couldn't figure out how to get the door open is smarter than the guy who made sure Bin Laden got killed i see your point. DUMBASS
You had me until "smarter thanGore, Kerry, and Obama" I'm dubious about, but won't argue with, two of those. But there's a short list of Presidents who've potentially been more intellectually intelligent (no matter what you think of his policy) than Obama, and W. isn't one of them.
I'd like to post script a space and a period to my poorly edited last comment.
God I hate it when people say Obama killed Bin Laden. He signed the same damn paper any other president would've signed.
We'll absolutely never know what exactly happened that led to the raid, so we can't really give anyone credit.
@ VerminJerky & FreakingMopar Also, if Obama were really so smart, he'd have waited until right before the election to have bin Laden killed. He greatly misunderestimated the attention span of American voters.
@Jamboxdotcom
Not every one chooses to use what little smarts they were born with purely out of crass self interest at every opportunity.
@BedfordCrenshaw
116 would still be very low for a President. A real attempt to rate presidential IQ (not the hoax) puts Gore well ahead (mainly based on SAT scores, Gore got 1355/1600, Bush 1206/1600; an unofficial source lists Kerry 1190, which is not statistically different from 1206).
Obama as a former professor of Constitutional Law at the prestigious University of Chicago Law School almost certainly has a significantly higher IQ than Bush. Comparing his debate performance to people I know, I would guess Obama is somewhere in the range of high 130s to low 150s.
I believe much of the above can be attributed to W's handlers, and how they were exceptionally skilled artisans in handcrafting the "buffoon from west Texas" persona. George's "White House West" outside Waco was manufactured out of whole cloth. Right before he declared his run for prez, the family purchased the property and commissioned the architect to design the "ranch house" you saw so many times on CNN. That house was intended to look like a throwback to the postwar ranch-style design. And, btw, they sold the ranch less than a year after he was out of office.
ReplyBush jokes is the humor that stupid people laugh at. I will bet money that ANY random person I meet is not as smart as Bush. This includes me and I'm getting a ph d.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesIf you were really in grad school doing doctoral studies, you would know that it's abbreviated Ph.D.
...and also the concept of subject-verb agreement.
But they is the humor we be laughin at. I just got my p-H,d` too. 4realsies
Oh internet, you never disappoint. Every time I think the human race is capable of conversation, you show me just how stupid my hope is.
I'll do my best to use layman's terms and simplify and shorten my points so that I do not go off on a tangent involving equations and charts that go on for pages. Your understanding of economics is lacking at best. Congress affects the economy much more than any president could. And the war in Iraq is only a small fraction of the debt, meaning there is a larger economic issue at hand causing the deficit.
ReplyAye aye, and don't forget that the budget up-spike was put into effect by a Republican Congress, and Clinton *shut down the government* for two weeks over his refusal to sign it before he finally gave in and created, yup, what we now call the "Clinton Surplus".
Wow, we have some seriously stupid commenters here. Crazy.
ReplyNow wait... that graph for #1 is fake, right? You can't drive an economy up and down that fast, right?
Reply Hide All See All 7 RepliesNot if you're a normal president. George W. was a perfect storm of reckless, incoherent catastrophe.
If you actually believe bush was a terrible president, you're a liberal slave. He wasn't the best, but he was no where near the worst. Look at the guy in there now if you want the worst.
The graph doesn't show "the economy" it tracks budget surpluses/deficiets. Clinton was the only presidant in recent times that presided over a budget surplus.
Obama might not be great but he is far from the worst. Bush is the one to blame for the s**t shape we are in, but yeah just blame it on the black man. No president has really done anything within one term.
And Bush WAS a terrible president, if you think he was a good one, I'm sorry but you might be mentally retarded.
I don't know if you should be calling people slaves if you actually think Obama is worse than Bush.
The last President that had a budget surplus was Eisenhower. Presidents have no control of the budget, anyway. Congress came close to balancing the budget in the late 90's but money borrowed from Social Security is not a surplus.
If you want to reduce your amount of blame, act like you only got half a brain.
Reply