The 25 Most Ridiculous Band Names in Rock History
Here's a scenario: You start a rock band, which you just happen to name after spending several hours huffing paint and drinking bleach. You spend a few years playing small clubs until you're discovered by a major label and start selling a lot of records. And suddenly you realize that the stupid name you thought up when you were huffing all that paint is going to follow you around for the rest of your life.
Here are the 25 bands who, regardless of their own musical quality, have the stupidest names on record.
#25-#23: Stealth Ridiculous
These band names aren't as laugh-out-loud idiotic as some of the others we'll get to-in fact, several of our staff admitted that Porno for Pyros was actually a pretty cool name. They're ridiculous in the sense that the more you think about them, the more they make no sense whatsoever.
#25.
Porno for Pyros
The story: Former Jane's Addiction frontman Perry Farrell came up with the name while watching coverage of the LA riots on television. Presumably while jacking off.
Why it's ridiculous: Pornography for pyromaniacs is, for all intents and purposes, regular pornography. Sure, there are maybe a few crazy people out there getting sexual pleasure from watching videos of people setting fires-but your garden variety pyromaniac isn't renting College Slut Matches & Gasoline Party VII. He's out burning down the neighborhood Costco. It turns out they just really like burning stuff.
#24.
Nickelback
The story: Lead singer Chad Kroeger was having trouble coming up with a name, and so approached his brother, who worked at a Starbucks. Coffee was $1.95, which meant every customer who paid two bucks got-waiiiit for it-a nickel back. (It was either that or We're Sorry About the Homeless Man Shooting Up in the Bathroom.)
Why it's ridiculous: Asking cashiers at franchise coffee shops for career advice can only end in tragedy. (Kroeger suffered similar woes after getting a Wal-Mart greeter to do his taxes for him, resulting in the repossession of his house.) If you walk up to the cashier behind a Starbucks counter and, instead of ordering a Tall Sumatran, ask them to name your shitty band, odds are you're going to get something giving-people-change-for-coffee-based.
#23.
The Alan Parsons Project
The story: Founder Alan Parsons started a "project" with other "project administration personnel" to "drill down" on this whole "music" thing he'd heard so much about. So he named it that.
Why it's ridiculous: It's one thing to just name your band after yourself, like ego cases Dave Matthews and Ben Folds did. But once you've made the choice to be lazy, you're not allowed to get all clever with it afterwards. Besides, it makes the band sound like the sort of after-school activity all the kids who didn't make the basketball team got stuck with. "Today, class, we're going to build Alan Parsons... from common household items!"
Am I alone in noticing that Matt pulled the photo of Def Leppard from that straight to TV, VH1 movie based on the band, not a photo of the actual members?
ReplyYou are correct. I noticed it too.
"He knew just as well as everyone else that if your group is from Montreal, you can record yourself taking a poop on a xylophone and Pitchfork will give it a sparkling review."
ReplyOr if you're just awesome, like Arcade Fire.
"The 1993 Missouri River flood" aka the Great MidWest Flood of 1993 aka the Flood of '93. The Mississippi did more damage, the Missouri River backing up was merely one of many rivers and consequences to this. Basically: Nice research jackholes.
ReplyI actually heard somewhere that the original STP stood for Shirley Temple's Pu**y, but the record label urged them to rename the band, so Stone Temple Pilots was the first thing they came up with....dont know if this is accurate or not, but who would name a band Shirley Temple's Pu**y??
ReplyI laughed and I laughed, and then I saw that the editors of CRACKED have completely missed cultural reference. No big deal. The rest of the list is adeptly designed to bust many people's chops. Great stuff! Here's what you missed. Archers Of Loaf refers to a 1948 book Zen In The Art Of Archery, where the a central idea is that years of practice makes a physical activity become effortless. It's really nothing more than inverting the title of the book so "Archery" is first and "Zen" second (which has become re-defined in America as "doing nothing"). So, Archers Of Loaf would imply that this band are practitioners of doing nothing (ie; Loafing about). Not that this explanation will win anyone over to it sounding cool.
ReplyIs there one for best names, either individuals or bands? If not, can we start one with Lemmy Kilmister? Seriously, if the first three syllables of your name are "Lemme kill," you're pretty much predestined to be lead singer of Motorhead.
ReplyI just heard Live on the radio and was reminded of this article. Way worse band name than some of the stuff on here.
ReplyEither way, shut the f**k up, Rob Thomas.
ReplyTHANK YOU
Actually, googling "The The" works just fine.
Reply!!! does break it, though.
Back at @Bakeneko: Like Panic! at the Disco, they're memorable.
ReplyI don't care, either, they're my deep down favorite band, and I don't see it changing ever. And anyway, who says which bands are good and bad? Whose to say the writer likes crappy bands...
W.A.S.P.....We Are Sexual Perverts.....was etched on to the vinyl at the end of the recording
ReplyI almost spit on my laptop laughing when at the bottom of page 3 there was a "dummies book" ad right after a hooked on phonics reference.
Replyhmm (i have no problems with these bands)
Replyyeah yeah yeahs
insane clown posse
them crooked vultures
taking back sunday
we came as romans
butthole surfers (seriously wtf)
billy talent
the used (everytime i google the used albums i get "used" albums)
jefferson starship\airplane
skid row
goldfinger
radiohead
NO USE FOR A NAME (yep)
foo fighters (food?)
die toten hosen ( the dead pants?)
husker du (do you remember? that's the name)
talking heads
dear whoever
nomeansno
X
I
les savy fav
phish
anal c**t meatloaf
live
korn
clap your hands and say YEAH
OH NO OH MY!
the sound of animals fighting
test icicles
saves the day
the academy is
something corporate (mmm hmm)
sunny day real estate
hellogoodbye
i am ghost
cute is what we aim for
alexisonfire
ok im done :)
Butthole surfing is a real activity for seriously stupid people. You simply hop on top of a car, pose like you are surfing, then have your friend drive down the street with you on the roof. It's what Michael J. Fox's character did in Teen Wolf (the flips are optional.)
@Chumbawamba - while I agree that that is a terrible name for a band, Tubthumping has not been their "only political statements to date".
ReplyA lot of their older songs are much more politically charged, and they are definitely very anarchistic.
I also think the name came from a dream one of the band members had. Something like he was on another planet and all the females were called chumbas and the men were called wumbas (or vice versa). Either way the name is still redonk.
great band but... The Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza also Iwrestledabearonce.
ReplyI was thinking the exact same thing as I read this!
One point of a bands name is to be memorable. Seeing as how we remember most of these awful band names, I'd say it worked. That being said, I agree with the poster below: Anal c**t is one of the most awesome band names ever.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesUhhh...yeah. Try and get that advertised on the radio. Try putting up posters. Try to get the place you're playing at to put it out on the marquee. They could be the best band ever, but if nobody knows they're playing, then nobody is coming to the show. Which means no new fans. Which means no t-shirt or c/d sales. I could keep going, but I'm sure you get the point. "Anal Cunt" is very possibly the stupidest band name ever.
harperlee: they're a parody of s****y deathcore metal
Crane: I get that. But Spinal Tap is a joke too. And everybody knows who they are. But if you put up lobby cards and posters for the new film "This is Anal Cunt" then, at least in the state where I live, you would be busted for pornography. You damn sure would never show the film. See, Spinal Tap = wit and satire. Anal c**t = stupid name that is trying too hard.
@harperlee: Anal c**t are a grindcore/noisegrind band. They have song titles such as "I Convinced You to Beat Your Wife on a Daily Basis" and "I Lit Your Baby on Fire". Taking their lyrical themes and overall sound into account, their offensive name is far from the only thing keeping them from mainstream attention - they could be named "The Happy Lovebirds" and people would still hate them because, to most people, they sound like a cat trapped in a blender. Trust me when I say that they most likely do not give a flying f**k that their name prevents them from having a movie made about them...not only because they don't take much of anything seriously, but because there would never be enough people who would care about the band (whether their name is stupid or not) to create a movie that would generate significant attention.
crane: "they're a parody of s****y deathcore metal"...dude, no. Anal c**t formed in 1988. The first deathcore album, Job for a Cowboy's Doom, was created in 2005. Anal c**t were around with their "parody" name 18 years before the genre you accuse them of parodying.
Bowling for Soup is another awful band name. There is a local Denver band called "Opie Gone Bad." Their lead singer looks a lot like Ron Howard before the massive hair loss.
ReplyBowling For Soup is pretty awesome
How could you FORGET "Lothar and the Hand People"?!!! I kept waiting, click after click, no TatHP. You seriously need me on your staff (yeah, I know the double-entendre isn't lost on me).
ReplyI was in a band that was almost called "The Jimmy Stewart Experience", we changed it at the last minute... to "Bullet to Baywatch". Not much better, I know, but we didn't really care.
ReplyThe worst band name I've ever heard was "Great Scott and The Foreigners Confession". I gallantly saved my friend from naming his band that. I don't think the other members would have gone for it anyway, in fact they probably would have laughed him out of the band for suggesting it.
Currently I play for a band called "Crime of The Century". I wasn't nuts about the name at first, but it's growing on me.
george peppard explosion and kathleen turner over drive pretty much kill me.
Reply