#10. The Butthole Surfers - Hairway to Steven
Talk about letting your music do the talking! They've got a terrible band name, and to stay with that theme, they've managed to spew out some of the most horrendous album titles of all time. In addition to Hairway to Steven, an apparent homage to some guy's love patch, we have:
Locust Abortion Technician
Psychic … Powerless … Another Man's Sac
When it comes time to hand out a Lifetime Achievement Award, not only will the Butthole Surfers win, but we'll likely wind up naming the award after them.
#9. Cher - Not.Com.mercial
Cher released this online-only album of her less commercial work, apparently to slake the Web community' thirst for an edgier, more personal album from someone who only sounds good when she' singing through a synthesizer.
But, lest they think she was just an out-of-touch old lady looking to capitalize on a trend she didn't understand, she gave it a hip, Internet-savvy title. If only that title didn't translate to "Not Dot Com Dot Mercial" when read aloud in the language she was attempting to speak.
#8. Deep Purple — Purpendicular
C'mon Deep Purple. We thought it was bad when you were coming out with album titles like Come Taste the Band, but now you're not even trying. We know it' 28 years into your career but you'd think you'd have gotten all the "purple" puns out of your system by now.
How about Purplexed Purpetual Purpetrators? Is that enough for you? Do you think we get it by now? PURPLE. Yes, that word is in your band name.
#7. Salt-n-Pepa - A Salt With a Deadly Pepa
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted! This album title is basically that joke but 400 times worse.
And what kind of hip-hop crime is that? Assault with a deadly pepper? What kind of pepper is deadly? Maybe a really super hot pepper could be slipped into someone' food but it probably wouldn't really be assault unless you physically stuffed the pepper down their throat. Or if you were attacking a baby. You could probably do some serious damage to a newborn with a plain old green pepper.
Neither of those scenarios really screams "street cred" to us, however, so maybe it's time for Salt-N-Pepa to stop taking cues from walking bad pun DJ Spinderella when naming their albums.
#6. Mustard Plug - Skapocalypse Now!
No genre is more prone to awful album titles than ska, especially the 18th generation Sublime ripoffs. They have the grating habit of taking a single phrase or pop-culture reference with a syllable that remotely sounds like the word "ska" and cramming the word "ska" in there instead. Try to make your own, it's fun. Just off the top of our head:
Nurse, Bring Me A Ska-lpal
Rocky vs. Skapollo Creed
Ska-tom Bomb: Hiro-ska-ma and Naga-ska-ki
#5. Public Enemy - How You Sell Soul To A Soulless People Who Sold Their Soul?
First of all, that' not even a question, so we're not sure where the question mark came from. It reads more like the title of an insanely specific how-to article written by Satan.
Also, every time we hear it, it makes us think of eBay: "Excuse me, are you looking to buy a soul on eBay? Because the top soul seller has sold several souls including your soulless soul. Oh, you say your soul was stolen? Well, eBay is not solely responsible for stolen souls sold. For more info on our policy regarding the online store' stolen souls sold scroll below."
#4. Genesis - From Genesis to Revelation
And, the Lord said "Let there be prog," and so it was, and it was good. Then the Lord' creation made an album with a cheesy title taken from the Lord' book, and the Lord said to his band "Why hath thou made such a cheesily titled LP? Thou didn't listen to Commandment 11: Thou shalt not fall back on bad puns or lame wordplay when out of ideas."
Yet, the Lord forgiveth Genesis, and let them sell millions of albums. However, He will never forgive Phil Collins for "Sussudio."
#3. John Oates - Phunk Shui
Wow. If the "other guy" in Hall and Oates wanted to make a name for himself, mission accomplished with this quasi-turn of phrase that teeters on the precipice of coherence.
We all know it' spelled "phunk" because he was the more hip-hop of the two, but what does this title even mean? Can rearranging your objects make you more funky? Or is "Phunk Shui" accomplished by moving this album from your living room stereo to the sidewalk five stories down?
#2. R. Kelly - Chocolate Factory
Since R. Kelly isn't 5 years old, we're going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume "chocolate factory" is not referring to his butthole. And we sure as hell, on a site as dignified as ours, are not going to point out that we've seen his "lemonade gun" in action.
So maybe the "chocolate factory" reference is completely innocent. Maybe R. Kelly sees himself as a sort of Willy Wonka, figuratively escorting children around his chocolate ... uh ...
OK, that' much, much worse. Perhaps we should just move on.
#1. Limp Bizkit - Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water
OK, maybe we were wrong about the "moving on" thing. Only one title could beat out the mental image of R. Kelly's chocolate factory. This is the Sgt. Pepper' of horrible album titles.
It' also the exact kind of obnoxious, childish nonsense you could expect from a bunch of grown-up, high-school bully dirt bags. And in case you're confused, "chocolate starfish" is a reference to buttholes. Oh Fred, you're hilarious! Almost as funny as when you named a song "Nookie" just so you had something to rhyme with "cookie." Or, maybe it was the other way around.
It' so bad, you'd swear Fred and company came up with it just to be the best at something. Well, congrats, guys.