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The 7 Lamest Fight Scenes of All Time

By AL Farrell
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Great directors draw from the fight scene palette of roundhouse kicks, explosions and snappy one-liners to paint frame-worthy movie and television battles. These are not those directors.



7. Saved by the Bell 
Slater versus Zach



Combatants: A. C. Slater (Mario López) versus Zach Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar)
Why it sucks: This fight looks remarkably like a real scrap between high schoolers, which is exactly why it sucks. High school fights are terrible. There’s usually one thrown punch (which never lands) before the adolescent gladiators awkwardly lean into each other, tumble to the ground, and commence clumsy wrestling. Slater and Morris might nail that perfectly in this scene but there was no reason. We all watched enough of this stuff in our high school gym class.
Highlight: When Slater complains, “Hey you started it man, making me look like a jerk at the Max,” Zach replies “Well, that’s what you are.” Harsh.

6. The Godfather
Sonny versus Carlo



Combatants: Carlo Rizzi (Gianni Russo) versus Sonny Corleone (James Caan)
Why it sucks: Don’t get us wrong. The Godfather is a great movie, but this scene is just completely absurd. Coppola must have taken a break from directing and left the guy who directed The Three Stooges in charge of the set for this 90-second span. It starts when Sonny Corleone discovers his sister has been walloped and reacts, Curly-like, by bringing his fist to his mouth and taking a solid bite. You almost expect him to rub his hands over his head, run in place, and scream “Gnuck, gnuck, gnuck!” Sonny then proceeds to get revenge with a Vaudeville assault that includes throwing his shoe and gnawing on Carlo’s knuckles.
Highlight: Proof that James Caan needed glasses during filming when his massive haymaker misses a stationary Carlo by a few feet.

5. Strike of the Panther
Bad Actor versus Other Bad Actors



Combatants: One shirtless Australian guy versus a bunch of other Australian guys in suits that hopefully never made another movie in their life
Why it sucks: On paper, the components here suggest an entertaining tussle: a man in a chicken suit, a blow-up sex doll, and ‘80s floozy with a whip. But this one is so bad that not even those unique ingredients can save it. The protagonist shows off both his lack of acting and fighting chops as he woodenly delivers snide one-liners in between repeatedly knocking out the same four toughs. This clip is notable for single-handedly dispelling the stereotype of Australians as tough, hardy people.
Highlight: The bizarre cameo of a grown man dressed as an English schoolboy begging for mercy.


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25 Comments

:D no kidding. i thought it was ok; i watched it once and never have since. it was good, but not in my top choices

Posted on 6/25/2008 10:56:32 AM

Rafterman, no need to be a sheep

Posted on 5/25/2008 7:40:08 PM

This is good movies and music is vies vies good

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Posted on 2/1/2008 12:02:41 AM

Your Pal Pete

A major league miss was the fight between Roddy Piper and Keith David in They Live. Where two guys that got along for the rest of the movie get into a five minute fight because Keith won't put on a pair of glasses

Posted on 1/30/2008 9:15:00 PM

Chronus

Now how can you honestly put down a decent fight scene JUST because Harrison Ford is pretending to be Amish? Aren't we kind of grasping at straws, here?

Posted on 12/11/2007 6:37:34 PM

will

When the arm-sling woman does a back flip, i'm pretty sure the stunt double is a cross dressing man.

Posted on 11/27/2007 11:43:16 PM

unknown

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Posted on 11/27/2007 12:54:22 PM

unknown

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Posted on 11/27/2007 12:52:27 PM

unknown

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Posted on 11/27/2007 12:52:04 PM

unknown

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Posted on 11/27/2007 12:51:41 PM

unknown

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Posted on 11/27/2007 12:51:15 PM

Martin

I think they forgot the fight between Mace Windu and Palpatine in Star Wars III. I keep hearing Samuels "Ohhhhhhhh" and Ians "Power!". That sucked.

Posted on 11/24/2007 12:07:02 PM

Nanook

I love you fellow americans! Yes! I admire your intelligence and level of civilization! Yes! You are the ones to save the planet! Your education is overhelming! Yes, oh yes! Now, please kill all the witches and make sure everyone agrees, that the Earth IS flat.

Posted on 11/24/2007 4:11:12 AM

hEY M1k3yb....ever heard of a fuckin typo. And they can keep hitting that bong (pass it this way please) and make as many typos as they like so long as they keep writing hilariously sarcastic lists. Geez, some ppl are so fuckin picky. It's a fuckin comedy website, not a classic novel. Who the fuck cares if there's typos (in case u hadn't noticed, this site is loaded with them. Again, who cares dickhead)

Posted on 11/23/2007 6:19:55 PM

M1k3yb

What kind of freakin tard doesn't know it's Han Solo, not Hans Solo? Take a break from the bong and proof read once in a while...

Posted on 11/15/2007 11:08:07 AM

Why is Witness on here? The whole point of the fight is that John Book is a bad motherfucker, a Philadelphia homicide cop that can't help but 'thump' people on a regular basis, suspenders or not. WTF?

Posted on 11/1/2007 11:41:40 AM

get the GODFATHER fight OFF the list. the writer writes "the Godfather is a good film", duh! that's like saying Gandhi was a nice guy. THE GODFATHER is one of the best movies ever, not just "a good film".

Posted on 10/30/2007 12:18:58 PM

GodzillaFan

I would like to add Roger Moore as James Bond to the list. It doesn't matter which fight scene or movie. Moore looks like any of his Bond girls could whip his a**!

Posted on 10/24/2007 1:27:12 PM

Dee

Thank you so much for introducing me to Undefeatable, one of the best worst films in cinema history.

Posted on 10/23/2007 6:20:20 PM

After watching this movie, I think Romero Made Night of the Living dead. Have you ever noticed just how many meathooks that town just came up with in no time flat (aka, my home town)? Meathooks pwn baddies I suppose.

Posted on 10/23/2007 4:43:04 PM

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