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Life is a relentless parade of horrors. Adults try to shield the kiddies from that fact, but every year animated film studios work hard to make sure the real world comes crashing in on little Timmy years ahead of schedule. Want proof? How about... #10.
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm
The plot: Why it scarred us: Oh, and did we mention that Bruce Wayne has a nervous breakdown at his parents' grave? How it could have been worse:
#9.
The plot: Why it scarred us:
Oh, that adorable little scamp! What crazy manslaughter-related misadventure has Dash gotten into this time? Also, the villain' list of dead superheroes provides kids with the valuable moral that "if you use your talents to do the right thing, you will die." Now, we're not for the dumbing down of American entertainment, but when your film' funniest moment is a montage of death scenes (where Edna demonstrates the danger of capes) you might want to reconsider marketing your film to children. How it could have been worse:
The plot: Why it scarred us: How it could have been worse: Even though the film seems doomed to languish in the Ol' Briar Patch, Disney still keeps Walt's legacy alive by using the likenesses of its beloved characters on clothing, toys, theme park rides, costumes, overpriced figurines, McDonald's Happy Meal toys, plush dolls, bookends, keychain designs, erotic toys, small caliber weapons ...
#7.
Transformers: The Movie
The plot: Why it scarred us:
It doesn't help much that the creators, much like everyone else in the '80s, were on the cheapest hallucinogenic substances they could find. From 500-foot-tall robots turning into portable cassette players, to Optimus' vanishing truck trailer, this film just might disregard physics enough to drive MC Escher incurably insane. Also, a bunch of other Transformers die or something, but come on. Optimus dies. How it could have been worse: No, in a universe where robots can always be bolted back together, you only need to worry if a human character dies. But what kind of idiot would make a Transformers movie and fill it with useless human characters?
#6.
The plot: Why it scarred us:
Sure, there are differences. The "something rotten in the state of Denmark" was actually a flatulent warthog, for instance. But, one seriously must wonder how the pitch meeting for this one went. "It' Hamlet, but with lions, songs by Sir Elton John and fart jokes." "Brilliant!" How it could have been worse:
The plot: Why it scarred us:
What? Don't look at us like that. Most movie stars are so airbrushed nowadays that there' not much difference between Jessica Alba and Jessica Rabbit anyway. So anyway, this film features Jessica teasing, seducing and posing up a storm in a way that Snow White only did when the cameras weren't rolling. If your nephew watches this movie, you may want to check him for facial hair afterwards. How it could have been worse:
#4.
The plot: Why it scarred us:
Did global warming finally do us in, ironically leaving only the instruments of our destruction behind? Did they give birth to Skynet? If there aren't any humans, then who makes the cars? Are there little assembly lines where cars manufacture other cars? Do they reproduce sexually? If a car is manufactured from used parts, is that cannibalism?
Call us paranoid, but when we see sentient machines roaming a barren Mad Max-style landscape, the healthy fear of technology we gained from '80s B-movies kicks into high gear. How it could have been worse: Also, how do they talk? I mean, they're cars for god's sake. You'd think an editor would catch that.
The plot: Why it scarred us:
Never mind the fact that Quasimodo saved your life on multiple occasions. Never mind that you're this decent man's last hope for finding affection. No, let's all fall for the pretty one. Well, you know what? There's more to life than looks! Maybe you'll realize that when you have to take care of your unemployed husband, while I make a killing on Wall Street using the knowledge I gained from those math books you laughed at me about! WELL, WE'LL SEE WHO'S LAUGHING THEN, WON'T WE LIZ? WE'LL ALL SEE THEN! Also, there's the small matter of the villain singing a song about how he intends to rape and murder the female lead. How it could have been worse: Though at least he got the girl in that one.
#2.
The plot:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Why it scarred us:
RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! How it could have been worse:
Let's just move on to the next one, shall we?
#1.
The plot: Why it scarred us:
MAGICAL
RACCOON
TESTICLES. WHERE IS YOUR GOD, NOW? How it could have been worse: Come on, it's Japanese. What did you expect? It's probably from the fine people who brought us such abominations as catgirl fetishes, tentacle rape and the transformers. This type of film would never be distributed by a major film company in the United States. Oh, wait. It was distributed in the United States by the Walt Disney Pictures. You see, Disney, in their ongoing quest to release other talented filmmakers' movies so that they don't have to make their own, signed a very generous distribution deal with Studio Ghibli, a popular Japanese animation studio. As part of the deal, Disney agreed to release all of the studio's upcoming films uncut, unedited, and, evidently, unneutered. Although, we have to applaud Disney for going ahead with this deal. Attatching your family-friendly name to something that you haven't even seen is the kind of decision that requires huge ... amounts of courage.
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i actually enjoyed Pom Poko as a wee one. Watership Down, however, i wasn't exposed to...yet. but i did see it once in my elementary school video archive. apparently, the sixth graders were allowed to watch it. still, its a classic in many ways. its unfortunate that there was no other way to do a good movie adaptation for it other than animation. that alone made it all the more brutal and horrific.
i definitely have to agree that the secrets of nimh should be on here,
so should the minute i watched of the never ending story 2. *shudders* i would imagine my brain would eat itself/explode if i tried to watch the entire film
About the Transformers movie... I'm surprised you didn't say a word about Unicron, the planet that eats other planets... I saw that movie when I was five, and let's I was a bit young for my introduction to the concept of spontaneous apocalypses... Maybe it's just me.
I was also a little pissed when the now unemployed douchebag gets Esmerelda instead of Quasimoto. But I was equally disturbed by the demonic biblical-speaking statue that kills off the bad guy.
But I was surprised that "Princess Mononoke" wasn't on here. Everyone told me to see it when I was younger, and I was very disturbed by the amount of unnecessarily graphic sequences of gore, and just plain... squishy... nastiness.
i saw watership down when i was six. I had nightmares about it. I had nightmares about RABBITS. i feel so ashamed.
Apparently big-balled raccoons have been around in their culture for a long time...that is a weird sentence...
anyway, I agree with a lot of these, especially the Batman one. That was pretty dark for a kid movie. Actually, I agree with pretty much all of them haha. and I agree with setracani2. "Grave of the Fireflies" was pretty sad for children :/
"Although, we have to applaud Disney for going ahead with this deal. Attatching your family-friendly name to something that you haven't even seen is the kind of decision that requires huge ... amounts of courage."
i may say it also requires huge amount of balls xD
but i really don't think boy are gonna get traumatized with this thing when they have even more brutal stuff to play on their 360, o r even worts on the news ...
End of Evangelion... yeah, than movie was created and written by the biggest mindfuck-ologists of Japan.
I just don't think it was intended for children in the first place. The series sure as hell wasn't...
The End of Evangelion should be here. It was pretty much designed to hurt you, it literally rips apart everything you love about the series. Plus a boys wanks over a girl in a coma.
the incredibles and cars arent scarring at all D:
what about the rats of nihm..?
and the first movie in the land before time series.?
SURE all the other land before time movies where about colourful happy dinosaurs going on fun adventures....
but the first one is about sad, uncolorful dinosaurs starving to death, the main characters mom gets killed. there is depression death and dispair...they hafto find a magical valley. or they will all die
and one of the dinosaurs is mentally handicapped
i swear D:
as a 5 year old kid. i found this very very scarring O_O'
and so will you
There is one Japanimated movie you seem to have forgot or just plain ignored.
"Grave of the Fireflies." if this one won't scar your kid, then he must have been brain dead! also, never, and I mean NEVER expose a kid to the movie known as "wizards" by the master of the mind f**k Ralph Bakshi...woof!
I feel like Wall-E > The Incredibles in terms of terrifying children's movies.
Probably because of the whole, "HEY, KIDS, GUESS WHAT?" "WHAT, MISTER MOVIE!?" "DYSTOPIA, IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD!"
I'm sorry to point this out, but it's really bugging me. It's "Tanuki", not "Tankui". OK, I'm good.
*anything by Don Bluth
wow, that was one of the worst cracked articles I've ever read...
At the very end of this article was a advertisement for G-Force, the new Disney movie. It immediately followed the bit about the racoon testicles movie. I though it was part of the article until I remembered G-Force was new and saw the 'ads powered by' bit underneath it.
Seriously. It could not have been more perfectly prepared.
I wouldn't call Cars traumatizing, just downright bloody confusing! And the incredibles.... don't get me started on what was wrong with that film
Lion King was meant to be f*****g Hamlet, and part 2 is Romeo and Juliet. So my english teacher said, anyway.
I love this list but I am very surprised to see that the animated version of George Orwell's Animal Farm is not on this list. This movie is bit of a generalization about the fate of the Russian Revolution and it deals with incredibly adult concepts. A revolution against the human farmers to transform society for the better and Stalin's murderous rise to power to destroy that which was fought for. It portrays the pigs on the farm becoming as hideous and corrupt as the drunken abusive farmer in the beginning. A startling scene is when the strong workhorse who puts all his effort into the redevelopment of the farm is sent off at old age in a truck to be TURNED INTO GLUE and is unable to escape because he is too feeble. This movie portray the death and decay of a society that held such high aspirations, its a f*****g tragedy of immense proportions WITH ANIMATED FARM ANIMALS!!!! I watched this movie right after Natural Born Killers and I can say that Animal Farm is the Most Disturbing Movie Ever. This list needs revision and Animal Farm must be included.
Ahhh! I wondered what the Simpsons were referencing when some creatures stormed the town after a Who concert.
And lol @ Liz in #3
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this is a great list, it really is.
but honestly, how is Cars on here and not the f*****g Dark Crystal? c'mon! Aughra was scary enough, and she was a GOOD GUY. don't even get me started on the giant bugs (Garthim) that kidnapped cute little people (Podlings) so that the creepy skeletal bird monsters (Skeksis) could turn them into zombies and take their essence.
and Fizzgig. a ball of fur that could rip your limbs apart.