Congratulations! The end of days is here! Bet you wish you'd spent a little more time in devotion to the organized religion of your choice, don't you?
It' too late now, though, and as the world comes to its bitter end, plan your next step carefully. The choices you make in the near future will determine whether you end up as an embittered, struggling survivor, or a mourned member of the deceased masses. So look around, takes notes, and let our cinephiliac tendencies become your salvation as civilization falls to shambles around you.
Is your former bucolic small town/major urban center now dead and deserted? Does the scent of decaying flesh hang over the local mall just a tad more than usual? Is the social commentary so heavy and thick that you would need a chainsaw hand to cut through it? Guess what! You're in…
A Classic Night of the Living Dead Zombie Plague Outbreak
Now, if our research has taught us anything, it' that when the zombie apocalypse finally does come, the first 30 minutes of it will be spent in utter, moronic ignorance. "What are these creatures?!" scared civilians everywhere will shout. "If only these monsters had been the basis for an over-mined cinematic sub-genre over the past 20 years, we would know exactly how to respond!"
It' 2007, people. If you don't know what to do when your neighbors start shambling around and getting all bitey, you probably deserve to die. Still, we'll spell it out for you one last time: hole up somewhere safe. Don't get eaten. Aim for the head. Also, don't bother worrying about the near-genocidal numbers of undead you'll be wasting. The great thing about zombies is that they're the post-modern equivalent of Nazis-you can kill as many as you want, and nobody bats an eye.
Further Research: There isn't enough space on the Internet to list all the zombie movies made in the last 30 years. However, besides the follow-ups and new classics (see: Dead, Dawn/Day/Land of; 28
Has humanity' wonton disregard for the environment finally caught up with it? Is a formally plentiful non-renewable resource finally running out, and are pieces of S&M gear the new Gap khakis? Are the Jews probably responsible for the whole mess? Mazel tov! It's…