11 Bad-Good Horror Movies You Need To See
Here are eleven of the worst-best horrible wonderful retarded awesome movies ever made, what makes them bad, what makes them good and why you ought to watch them.
WHY IT'S BAD
This is one Peter Jackson's early films, back before he began winning Oscars for The Lord of the Rings and being the size of an elephant. Believe it or not, Jackson used to make schlocky zombie films (as well as unwatchable puppet movies like Meet the Feebles) instead of epics about little hairy-footed people and CGI-fests about giant apes. Actually, come to think of it, maybe it's not all that hard to believe. Still, this movie is about a thousandth of the budget of Jackson's later films, and it shows.WHY IT'S GOOD
This zombie movie is schlocky in the best sense of the word. There's so much blood and gore that it's beyond ridiculous, to the point of being laugh-out-loud funny. At no point does Dead Alive take itself too seriously, particularly when the best character of all time, Father McGruder, is introduced and says the following: 
WHY YOU NEED TO SEE IT
Just to behold the greatness and awfulness of Peter Jackson before studios started puking money at him.ALSO CHECK OUT...
Bad Taste, Jackson's very first movie, a gross-out extravaganza about aliens. Featuring a young, thin Jackson himself as a guy who loses the back of his skull.
WHY IT'S BAD
Let me count the ways. Not only is it the third sequel to a film that didn't need any sequels to begin with, it also happens to feature exactly zero chainsaw deaths. Keep in mind that the film is titled Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. No chainsaw deaths. Add to that the fact that the only ostensible plot twist is all but given away on the DVD cover (Spoiler Alert! Matthew McConaughey is crazy!) and that for some inexplicable reason Leatherface has decided to become a transvestite, and you've got one hell of a stinker.WHY IT'S GOOD
It stars Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey as Scared High School Girl and Crazy Tow Truck Man, respectively. Not only that, but these two very young, desperate soon-to-be-stars are just trying their damndest to put something of value into this movie. The result? Some glorious overacting by everyone in the cast, especially one scene where Crazy Tow Truck Man gaudily howls after Scared High School Girl as if he were confused for a moment and thought he was in a werewolf movie.WHY YOU NEED TO SEE IT
To see two now A-listers slumming it in their early careers in what must still serve as a face-reddening embarrassment every time it comes up in conversation.ALSO CHECK OUT...
Leprechaun, which most assuredly still makes Jennifer Aniston have night terrors.
WHY IT'S BAD
Because, as a parody, it fails completely. Made at the tail end of Leslie Nielsen's period of actually making decently funny movies, Repossessed was the beginning of his descent into being involved with embarrassing garbage like 2001: A Space Travesty, with its idea of humor being a priest training for an exorcism by boxing a fast bag and exorcising the devil with rock and roll. That's not funny, it's just...kinda dumb. And including Linda Blair as the possessed housewife (essentially reprising her character from The Exorcist) is not cute or clever -- it's simply a reminder that this movie is a failed parody of a movie that was actually good. WHY IT'S GOOD
Because, despite the fact that it completely falls flat in terms of being intentionally funny, it still succeeds in being unintentionally funny. Leslie Nielsen's mugging performance is so awful that it's actually kind of endearing, and the possession special effects are actually laughably worse than they were 17 years earlier. Linda Blair's attempts a humor are sort of cringingly entertaining as well, and the inclusion of a character who's a stereotype of a stereotype (Ned Beatty's televangelist) is some kind of weird meta-funny.WHY YOU NEED TO SEE IT
Because this movie taught me what an aglet is -- they're the plastic things on the ends of shoelaces. (Linda Blair's character is named Nancy Aglet.)
WHY IT'S BAD
Because it basically all takes place in a warehouse basement, for one thing. Also, there's a scene where some punks go to a graveyard and dance that makes me embarrassed not only for the punks, but for any dead people that they may be dancing on. The punks, also, are the most stereotypical teenagers you can imagine, in the worst possible way. Also, the explanation for the zombies' existence (chemical spill causes rain that raises the dead) defies the zombie movie convention of just having no explanation (there's a reason for that -- the explanations, like this one, are usually incredibly stupid).WHY IT'S GOOD
It has the coolest zombies ever. Forget 28 Days Later, this was the original fast-zombie movie. Not only that, they talk. In fact, to my knowledge, this is the only zombie movie that actually features the zombies saying "Braaaaaains!" which may make it worth seeing in itself. Also, there's a scene in which, after the zombies have killed and eaten a group of paramedics, a zombie grabs the CB radio in the ambulance and insists that the dispatcher "Send...more...paramedics!"WHY YOU NEED TO SEE IT
Braaaaaaaaains!ALSO CHECK OUT...
Return of the Living Dead 3, the greatest zombie love story ever told.
Ok, I know it was just a throwaway line in there, but seriously, The Shining was Not a great horror movie. The bad guy **spoiler** freezes to death in the end. Boring!
ReplyThe Shining wasn't a good horror movie? The Shining is one of the greatest movies of all time regardless of genre.
Best lines from Troll 2:
Reply"Nilbog is goblin spelled backwards... it's their keen dumb!"
"They're eating her...then they're gonna eat me...oh my gooooooooooooooooooooood."
In ROTLD the naked punk chick that both dances and then stays naked for the remainder of the movie, had to wear a latex twat cover because a bushless one was too much for the MPAA. But a fake bald one was ok. Figure that one. And Evil dead and it sequels are the greatest films ever made.
ReplyReturn Of The Living Dead is also awesome because of its soundtrack, which features eighties punk acts including 45 Grave, The Jet Black Berries, and The Flesheaters.
ReplyYou all must see Killer Clowns From Outer Space, it takes the good-bad concept to the limits!
ReplyOi! The plastic thing at the end of a shoelace is called a 'flooglebinder'.
ReplyNow I know and don't need to see the movie
Jason X is fun because only about a third of it is actually a straight Friday the 13th movie. Add to that 1/3 intentional parody of other Ft13th movies and one third parody of the generally pretty ode to Kevin Sorbo's ego that was Andromeda and you have a movie that is intentionally funny more often than most overt "comedies".
ReplyI will never unsee the ending to Troll 2. After the family returns home and believes they're safe, the father and daughter go to the mall, and the son leaves his mother alone in the kitchen to go play in his room. After a minute or two he goes back downstairs saying the predictable "Mom...mom...mom?" and goes into the kitchen to find one of the goblins eating his mother. The goblin stops for a second holding out a piece of the kid's mom and says "Want some?"
Replyim sorry guys, but The Evil Dead has a 100% rateing on Rotton Tomatoes
ReplyI'm a little sad Feast didn't make it on here. But then again it was a pretty good parody so I guess it wouldn't need to.
ReplyThe Evil Dead section is completely borked, but it's a fun article otherwise.
ReplyDead Alive?? Return of the living dead??? What are you f'ing crazy??? I won't even delve into your Evil Dead screw ups posted below... these are hands down among the best horror films ever made. You're obviously not qualified to make a 'bad movies list' and I might not be a journalist but I would think someone who gets paid to write should in the very least know something about the subject matter.
ReplyAlso great scene alert in Troll 2, the young boy, trying to make his family realize there is something horribly wrong going on in thier town, stands up on the dining room table in front of the whole family and pisses in their food. Absolutely the best single scene in all of cinema.
ReplyOf the various f**k ups in the article, you manage to put "the little Ashes" into Evil Dead 2 and then mention Army of Darkness a few lines later. Yes, I'm a big horror fan, but even my wife knows this. And you missed the funniest scene in Troll 2. What a f*****g mess of an article.
Replyf*****g A! f**k a bee and you get stung!
There are many bad-good movies in the Friday the 13th - series.
ReplyJason X is definitely not one of them.
Umm yeah it is!
Jason X was the first Friday the 13th movie I ever saw (all the way back in 2005 on Sci-Fi). I thought it was awesome (but not scary). It has some hilarious lines (After some guy fell on a giant drill: "He's screwed.") and one of the greatest slasher kills of all time (even though Mythbusters disproved it): Liquid Nitrogen Faceshatter! Plus the mentioned kill in the article makes me remeber my 2nd favorite Jason kill: the sleeping bag kill from Part VII.
Reply"I kick ass for the lord!" I concur, despite his way brief non zombie screen-time Father McGruder was one of the best characters ever.
Replythe inaccurate perception of events in return of the living dead as well as Evil Dead lead me to regard this list as total s**t by someone who didn't f*****g get what they were watching. Klaatu Verata Nikto isn't even in Evil Dead OR Evil Dead 2. It wasn't a chemical spill in RotLD that set s**t off, there are several settings in that movie: the basement, the streets, the graveyard, the mortuary, the chapel, not just the basement of the warehouse. and also, the original Amityville Horror was NOT a bad movie, no where close to the garbage of the second one. Make sure you actually understand what you're watching before you start cutting things down.
Reply Hide All See All 5 Repliesand none of those movies are even particular favorites of mine, its just annoying that you're making them out to be retarded when they're really not. Perpetuating lies
It's called a comedy site for a reason. No one cares that you liked those movies.
You'd think not really caring about factual information is sorta bad, but I guess it's okay because IT'S A COMEDY SITE HEHEHE.
@Body Hammer All good comedy contains truth in one form or another.
Tremble before the nerd-rage!
I had almost forgotten about "Troll 2," and was a happier person. What makes that movie genuinely terrifying is: A) Someone spent hours writing it; B) A company green-lighted its production; C) Some guy looked at the script and thought, "Damn, this is a good idea! I need to direct this!" If these thoughts don't horrify you, nothing will.
ReplyWho said they spent hours on writing it?
Oh, Troll 2. You hurt my brain so much, yet you also made me laugh to the point of pissing my pants. How DO you do it?
Reply