Gangs. Let's face it, they're out there and they're much tougher than you. How do I know this? It's quite simple: do you think a gang member would be reading a comedic article on the internet? No, a gang member would stand behind
you, bust a cap in your crown, steal your precious little computer and then give it a tattoo or spray some graffiti on it to claim it as his own.
You just turned around too, didn't you? That's because you're afraid. A gang member wouldn't even bother to turn around because he knows no fool
would be stupid enough to fuck with him. You see what I'm talking about?
You starting to get the picture? Good.
gangs are indeed be tougher than you, it doesn't mean you need to become
another statistic should you run into one. You see, gang members have ways
of communicating with each other by the use of hand signs and gestures. If
you try talking to a gang member, they're not gonna hear anything but, "I'm
a rich chump, please shoot me in the face." But if you know their
hand symbols as a second language, you might be able to communicate with 'em
and save your ass.
And just how can you learn these intricate hand symbols?
friends, after spending years undercover in some of the most notorious
gangs on earth, I believe I have finally mastered their amazing hand
symbols. Today, I'm going to share some of those signs and their meanings with you, and
maybe... just maybe they'll save your life if you run into a gang.
"Oh hey, are you the valet parking guys?"
"I agree wholeheartedly! Picasso was a bitch
who ain't got nothin' on modern graffiti!"
loooove that pattern in your bandana. What kind of fabric is that?
Silk? Chenille? Velvet? Fleece? Wool? I must know!"
"I'm a level 256
Elvin Wizard in D&D, so don't fuck with me or
I'll have to unleash the powers of sorcery upon you and your horde!"
"I think the
original Van Halen lineup is gonna get back together any day now!"
"If rectal burning
continues, consult your physician."
"I just saved a
bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"
interested, I know a guy who'll perform a sex-change
operation for HALF the price of what a normal doctor would charge!"
"Did you see
Schindler's List? Man, some of those naked chicks were HOT!"
"Say, are any of
you into stamp collecting?"
fortitude is matched only by my testicular irascibility."
"Pat Robertson is
delicious! May I please have another serving of porridge?"
"Come my brethren!
Let us live off the land and give back to Mother Earth!"
"You talk the talk,
but do you walk the walk?"
"In exchange for
letting me live, I will allow you to keep the first kidney
stone I pass through my urinary tract. It's a modern Rumplestiltskin
"Glock or Cock -
you boys are gonna eat one of 'em today. The choice is yours."
"And that my
friends, is how a nail can be driven through a piece of
wood when enough pressure is applied. It's simple physics really."
amazing that simple hand gestures can say so much huh? Well I hope
this has been most educational for all of you. Study them. Learn
them. KNOW them. Once you have done this, you'll be that much safer
should you ever dare to leave the confines of your parent's basement
and venture out into the real world.
Props to the West side. Props to the East side.
Props to the North-East side. Props to the South-West side.
To the sides that we left out... tough shit, you don't get no props.
We here at
CRACKED are only affiliated with one gang: Kool and The Gang.