6 Questions The Last Harry Potter Book Had Better F#@king Answer
|
All of those are good guesses, but here at Cracked, we suspect that the final book will probably be about the dozens of dangling plot threads left over from the previous six books. That, and sex. Lot's of clumsy, clutching, adolescent wizard sex. If these bold predictions arouse and astound you, and you're interested in finding out exactly which ball-shatteringly important questions need answering, continue reading... Is Dumbledore really dead?
Yes, quite frankly, that could happen-and it wouldn't even be the stupidest thing to happen in the Harry Potter universe. That would be Quidditch.
What does "complex" mean? Does it mean he'll live on in the hearts and minds of those who loved him? That he'll reappear in a vaguely shimmery way and advise Harry to seek further training on the planet Dagobah? That he's enlisted the aid of top Muggle scientists to transfer his consciousness into a talking car? Or will it be something stupid? Our "100% Lock, Money-in-the-Bank" Prediction: Dumbledore's dead, but still around via the talking portrait. Harry will consult it for advice throughout the concluding novel, and at a critical juncture, remove it from the wall of the headmaster's office, using it to club Draco in the back of the head before dryly stating "The head-master's office hours are over, bitch." |
The final chapter of the 
The first rule of thumb when reading a pulp mystery-which, if you hadn't noticed, is what the 
Still, there are a lot of clues to suggest that poor old Dumbledore really has been flushed down the toilet of the Potter-verse. His phoenix Fawke singing that sad-sad song of sorrow was a pretty conclusive-looking sign. Also, there was the host of witnesses who saw Dumbledore's body up close. And there was Dumbledore's portrait suddenly appearing in the headmaster's office at school. And perhaps most definitively, J.K. Rowling has confirmed this herself in an interview, saying "Dumbledore is definitely dead," before obnoxiously adding, "but it's complex." 
Reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
Digg
Del.icio.us
FarkRecommended for Your Pleasure
-
10 Things That Will Not End Well
554,854 views -
The 7 Most Baffling Criminal Defenses (That Sort of Worked)
by: Justin Koenig465,448 views -
7 Retarded Tax Evasion Schemes (People Are Actually Trying)
by: Ken Goldstein406,457 views -
5 Corporate Promotions That Ended in (Predictable) Disaster
by: James Greene Jr.349,428 views
1. Correct, but he does come back all shimmery and ghostly.
2. Correct, it was a set up from the start.
3. Incorrect, Harry was a horcrux, apparently wizards kill ridiculously rarely.
4. Correct, f*****g... I mean... Duuuuuh.
5. Correct, at least as far as the concept goes. It pretty much stuck with the kissin'
6. Eerily accurate. I'd swear to god Cracked new something we didn't.
sorry people he is dead
"Voldemort's also toast, and will likely meet his fate when Harry shoots him with his last bullet, fired from a wand taped to his back."
Don't you mean Snape?
The picture of Harry at the end of the sex section made me LOL.
But in the end, only 8 characters die and only 7 of them should never have died. Thank you, Rowling, for sparing us the death of the main 3 characters by killing off most of the other characters that were much more interesting.
4 out of 6 aint bad.
It's funny how many of these predictions are right on target. I thought only 1 would be in-the-ballpark, but at least 2 were 100% right, and if you count the epilouge, then that's 2 1/2. (The fact that the main 3 have kids pretty much screams that they had sex.)
"but not in a gay way"
Mrlarry you tickle my funny bone.
It's real interesting reading this after knowing what does happen in the book.
Also, wizarding world sex ed: "Be sure to use a protection spell, you don't want your wand to get hogwarts"
lol i stopped reading the books at like book 5...i was reading this and was like holy f*ck all that happen? wow
Finally, Emma Watson turns 18 and to celebrate she shoots the Paparazzi a panty (crotch) shot AFTER she announces she wishes to do a nude. Now why couldn't they put THAT in the last movie ?
lol at
' is he evil or just greasy?'
excellent!!
I love Harry Potter. **ninja**
LMAO! "And your sister is now a woman. Come, let us drink."
One N.
I want harry potter to just die already! End his legacy!!! No one likes whinny heroes... :P boo to him
I gotta say, I thought that the Twins (and, in fact, the supporting characters in general) were far more interesting than Harry's whiny and wins-by-sheer-dumbass-luck-ness, or any of the "main" characters for that matter. Also, the way Snape was finally portrayed sucked. Big time. Frankly, I thought the books peaked at the HBP . . . but then again, Mrs. Weasley freaking out was pretty damn awesome.
She punked out by not killing one of the three mains. Who really cares if George and Fred eat it?
More on News
-
Cracked.com Top Picks
2,213,333 views -
10 Retarded Money Saving Tips (People Are Actually Trying)
775,896 views -
6 Retarded Publicity Stunts (That Fooled Everyone)
728,417 views -
5 Retarded Health Campaigns That Backfired (Hilariously)
554,889 views
- Zombies
- Celebrity Baby Names
- Boobs - New
- Japan
- Bacon - New
- Star Trek - New
- Christopher Walken
- Beer - New
- David Caruso
- Vampires
-
Stuff Talks: The Most Terrifying Comedy Premise Ever
by: Genius Camp26,114 views -
A Series of Poor Decisions: The Twitter Song
by: Cody Johnston25,453 views
-
Articles
-
Videos
-
Columnists
-
More Cracked
-
About
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
TWO characters? More like 40. Jeez, EVERYONE died.