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10 Hot Celebrity Kids (And Why You Might Have a Shot)
Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, and Kimberly Stewart...with so many coked up, spoiled celebutants destined to give you a raging case of anal crabs, it's refreshing when you find some famous progeny that you might actually want to put your wang in. They're rich, connected, beautiful, and all of them are (mostly) legal! #10
Bryce Dallas Howard (Ron Howard)  Odds of Hotness Based on Gene Pool: Pretty astronomical. The Howards are a talented bunch, of course, but ye Gods, are they homely. Ron's brother Clint Howard has made a living for decades playing roles where his only character trait is how profoundly fuck-ugly he is:
When you've turned your unattractiveness into a full-time career, you've pretty much gone pro with it. Why We Wanna Hit That: Opie did good. Despite acting as M. Night Shyamalan's muse for the rancid box-office infections that were The Village and Lady in The Water, there's something about Bryce-Dallas Howard that's irresistible. Maybe we're just suckers for red-heads. And by taking on the role of Gwen Stacy in Spiderman 3, we're looking at the face that launched a thousand nerd erections. #9
Daisy Lowe - (Gavin Rossdale, lead singer of crap '90s band Bush)
Odds of Hotness Based on Gene Pool: Excellent. While nailing attractive models is practically mandatory for skinny British musicians, Rossdale is a rare breed in that category, considering he doesn't have a face like a dried leather horse. Why We Wanna Hit That: New mother Gwen Stefani knows how to pick a prime sperm donor. Soon after her marriage to oh-so-pretty-man-boy Gavin Rossdale, a DNA test revealed he had a secret. (Not, not that he was born a woman; but yes, that's what we thought at first, too.) Turns out that 17 years ago, Rossdale did an even greater service than moodily crooning "Come Down," "Glycerine," and making our girlfriends wet. A brief affair with English model/fashion designer/MILF Pearl Lowe created Daisy, a model and ethereal (if slightly gothy) morsel we'd love to get our dirty American hands on. And the best news of all? The age of consent in England is just 16. Thank you, baby Jesus! #8
Sofia Coppola (Francis Ford Coppola)
Odds of Hotness Based on Gene Pool: Not good at all, but way to overcome the odds, Sofia! The fat, hairy, hideous odds. Luckily, the Oscar-winning gene wasn't connected to the "beaten in the face with an ugly stick" chromosome. Why We Wanna Hit That: You ever watch Lost in Translation? Christ, that movie went NOWHERE. That said, if we had a guarantee that her dad wasn't gonna use his mob connections to put a screwdriver in our knee cap the second we put the sex-eye on Sofia...we'd totally go for it. We wouldn't even care that she sucked so bad in The Godfather: Part III. As long as she stays behind the camera, she's got that "brainy-hot" thing going on that we love so well. #7
Papa Was a Rolling Stone - Jade & Elizabeth Jagger, Theodora & Alexandra Richards, Leah Wood Mick Jagger - Jade and Elizabeth Jagger
Keith Richards - Theodora and Alexandra Richards Ron Wood - Leah Wood
Odds of Hotness Based on Gene Pool: Straight 50-50 shot. When horrific, albeit talented, skeleton men with bad teeth and skin like a crocodile's ass seduce hot models, we're never sure how it's gonna turn out. But knowing that gorgeous genes can overcome even Keith Richards' decrepit, heroin-riddled semen proves that Darwin should be taught in schools. Why We Wanna Hit That: You'll forgive us if we group these lovelies together"¦ hmm. Sorry. Got lost in a mental image there. But the daughters of the Rolling Stones have several things in common. 1) Their mothers are beautiful women. 2) Their fathers are fucking hideous. 3) They're LOADED with cash. 4) They're ALL models. Jumpin' Jack Flash in our pants, pants, pants. #6
Leila Ali (Muhammad Ali)
Odds of Hotness Based on Gene Pool: Pleasantly surprising. Naturally, we expected that Muhammad Ali's offspring would be able to kick rich amounts of ass in a boxing ring. We just had NO idea she'd look so hot doing it. Why We Wanna Hit That (pun not unintentional): Leila is not only following in her father's famous footsteps down the Parkinson's trail, she has a perfect 24-0 record (21 by KO). Named one of People Magazine's 100 Most Beautiful list for 2007, she recently showed off some nice flexibility on Dancing with the Stars. Who wouldn't love a girlfriend who can pound the shit out of guys who hit on her at a bar? Plus, even if dad Ali disapproved, we're pretty sure that at this point we can take him. Probably by waving something shiny in his face. |
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DickRash!
I LOVE the young ones at: www.NeilsNotes.com
Um, Cracked writers, did it really take this article to figure out that, while you're attracted to young girls, you aren't attracted to old men?
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I know she's young, but Frances Bean Cobain is a stunner. She has Kurt's remarkable eyes, and I think she should be on the honourable mentions list at least.
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>_
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Holy fuck! Sophia Coppola is the hottest woman I've ever seen!