10 Hot Celebrity Kids (And Why You Might Have a Shot)
Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, and Kimberly Stewart...with so many coked up, spoiled celebutants destined to give you a raging case of anal crabs, it's refreshing when you find some famous progeny that you might actually want to put your wang in. They're rich, connected, beautiful, and all of them are (mostly) legal!
#10
Bryce Dallas Howard (Ron Howard)
Odds of Hotness Based on Gene Pool: Pretty astronomical. The Howards are a talented bunch, of course, but ye Gods, are they homely. Ron's brother Clint Howard has made a living for decades playing roles where his only character trait is how profoundly fuck-ugly he is:
When you've turned your unattractiveness into a full-time career, you've pretty much gone pro with it.
Why We Wanna Hit That: Opie did good. Despite acting as M. Night Shyamalan's muse for the rancid box-office infections that were The Village and Lady in The Water, there's something about Bryce-Dallas Howard that's irresistible. Maybe we're just suckers for red-heads. And by taking on the role of Gwen Stacy in Spiderman 3, we're looking at the face that launched a thousand nerd erections.
#9
Daisy Lowe - (Gavin Rossdale, lead singer of crap '90s band Bush)
Odds of Hotness Based on Gene Pool: Excellent. While nailing attractive models is practically mandatory for skinny British musicians, Rossdale is a rare breed in that category, considering he doesn't have a face like a dried leather horse.
Why We Wanna Hit That: New mother Gwen Stefani knows how to pick a prime sperm donor. Soon after her marriage to oh-so-pretty-man-boy Gavin Rossdale, a DNA test revealed he had a secret. (Not, not that he was born a woman; but yes, that's what we thought at first, too.) Turns out that 17 years ago, Rossdale did an even greater service than moodily crooning "Come Down," "Glycerine," and making our girlfriends wet. A brief affair with English model/fashion designer/MILF Pearl Lowe created Daisy, a model and ethereal (if slightly gothy) morsel we'd love to get our dirty American hands on. And the best news of all? The age of consent in England is just 16. Thank you, baby Jesus!
#8
Sofia Coppola (Francis Ford Coppola)
Odds of Hotness Based on Gene Pool: Not good at all, but way to overcome the odds, Sofia! The fat, hairy, hideous odds. Luckily, the Oscar-winning gene wasn't connected to the "beaten in the face with an ugly stick" chromosome.
Why We Wanna Hit That: You ever watch Lost in Translation? Christ, that movie went NOWHERE. That said, if we had a guarantee that her dad wasn't gonna use his mob connections to put a screwdriver in our knee cap the second we put the sex-eye on Sofia...we'd totally go for it. We wouldn't even care that she sucked so bad in The Godfather: Part III. As long as she stays behind the camera, she's got that "brainy-hot" thing going on that we love so well.
#7
Papa Was a Rolling Stone - Jade & Elizabeth Jagger, Theodora & Alexandra Richards, Leah Wood
Mick Jagger - Jade and Elizabeth Jagger
Keith Richards - Theodora and Alexandra Richards
Ron Wood - Leah Wood
Odds of Hotness Based on Gene Pool: Straight 50-50 shot. When horrific, albeit talented, skeleton men with bad teeth and skin like a crocodile's ass seduce hot models, we're never sure how it's gonna turn out. But knowing that gorgeous genes can overcome even Keith Richards' decrepit, heroin-riddled semen proves that Darwin should be taught in schools.
Why We Wanna Hit That: You'll forgive us if we group these lovelies together"¦ hmm. Sorry. Got lost in a mental image there. But the daughters of the Rolling Stones have several things in common. 1) Their mothers are beautiful women. 2) Their fathers are fucking hideous. 3) They're LOADED with cash. 4) They're ALL models.
Jumpin' Jack Flash in our pants, pants, pants.
#6
Leila Ali (Muhammad Ali)
Odds of Hotness Based on Gene Pool: Pleasantly surprising. Naturally, we expected that Muhammad Ali's offspring would be able to kick rich amounts of ass in a boxing ring. We just had NO idea she'd look so hot doing it.
Why We Wanna Hit That (pun not unintentional): Leila is not only following in her father's famous footsteps down the Parkinson's trail, she has a perfect 24-0 record (21 by KO). Named one of People Magazine's 100 Most Beautiful list for 2007, she recently showed off some nice flexibility on Dancing with the Stars. Who wouldn't love a girlfriend who can pound the shit out of guys who hit on her at a bar? Plus, even if dad Ali disapproved, we're pretty sure that at this point we can take him. Probably by waving something shiny in his face.
they didnt mention ron dmc's daughters
Replylily collins, daughter of phil collins is beautiful. she plays the daughter in the blind side. also, ivanka trump is married.
ReplyAmazing how nerds can't even talk about hot chicks without taking retarded cheap shots and "cool to hate" bands (Bush) and movies (Armageddon).
Replyabout Daisy Lowe
Replythe autore of this artical says he wants her because in the uk the legal age is 16
news flash the legal age in most american states is 16 aswell do some research before you give out info
The age of consent is 16 in 31 states as of 2011. That's little over half, and this article is over 4 years old.
Take your own advice and do some research first.
Incidentally, here in Michigan, the age of consent is 16, but the parents still hold power of attorney until the daughter is 18, meaning you too could be "in love" and "ready for it" and the parents could still get your ass thrown in jail for statutory rape.
ron howard and his brother are ugly but bryce is pure gorgeous
ReplySo creepy.
ReplySuri Cruise is actually a damn good looking child. not that you'd tap that now, but in the future...
ReplyWhere is the part that says why one might have a shot? MISLEADING TITLE!!!
ReplyI had to re-read the one about Elvis Presley's granddaughter. I first said Lisa Marie is horrid looking. Then I realised who they were talking about.
ReplyNo Francis Cobain, WTF?!??
ReplyDonald Trump has no money. He's completely broke.
ReplyHe's like the world's shittiest businessman. Funny he identifies as conservative (and as a business role model) since the guy's filed for bankruptcy, like what, half a dozen times? That being said - Ivanka - schwiiinnnngggg!
ARE YOU SHITTING ME? NO MENTION OF ROWAN ATKINSONS DAUGHTER? she's soooo banging
ReplyThis article needs a sequel. Rashida Jones...
ReplyRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDA JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONES. That is all.
YES! THIS!
Pfft.... Not even an honorable mention for Mira Sorvino? Granted, Paul looks like the knot on the end of a dog's dick, but his daughter is SMOKIN.
ReplyThe genetic law as far as I can figure out from reading this article goes something like this:
Reply Hide All See All 3 Replies"The less the parents look alike, the hotter the offspring."
You're close, but not quite right.
The rules go:
"Ugly father genes => hot daughter genes"
"Ugly mother genes => hot son genes"
"Hot father genes => ugly daughter genes"
"Hot mother genes => ugly son genes"
So if you're a hot woman with a fugly parents (because besides the rich and famous, fugly usually pairs with fugly) then it's because you mostly got your dad's genes for your looks. Or something like that.
I'm not making this up. This is the reason humanity hasn't evolved into two separate species - the hotties and the notties.
Actually what plasma says may have some merit. Genetic variation is pretty damn important when it comes to survival and adaptation for most things on earth (which is why most things reproduce sexually vs. asexually despite the fact that it takes a lot more time and energy than just popping out a genetic duplicate of oneself. It's all to introduce genetic variability for lots of reasons I won't go into here), and by looking at people's appearances we can, often subconsciously, tell a lot about their genetic makeup and whether they have "good" or "bad" genes.
So if one takes all that and puts it together, it would be logical to assume that if a person has parents that have very different genetic markers as far as appearance goes, then they'll pass on more diverse genes...that will produce a child that has a much higher chance of having resistances to a larger number of diseases, and that has less of a chance of inheriting certain genetic disorders, along with the fact that some of that will get passed down the child's children, all of which is extremely important in terms of genetics, where not so long ago the main concerns were sickness and genetic problems.
Anyways, my point is that that diversity is more likely to produce offspring that is genetically healthy, and genetically healthy people often end up looking attractive, since attractiveness is really a set of subconscious cues as to the genetic and reproductive fitness of an individual. Unfortunately these days being hot may also be a result of plastic surgery so ppl can be fooled as to one's genetic health, but that's another issue entirely.
So yeah, that's my hypothesis as to why looking different may produce hot kids.
so is that why mixed people are always adorable
I thoroughly enjoyed this list, although the honorable mentions (with the exception of Liz Taylor - no thanks, skinny or chubby.) were more attractive, in my opinion, than 7-10. Also, Donald Trumps daughter I am on the fence about, she has a hot body, but her face is a little too... round, or something.. And before anyone asks how hot I am to judge these women - if we are judging people above our means, then we might as well go big or go home. All of these people make more money asleep than I (or my entire family combined) will make in my entire life, so let me have my snide remarks at their expense. If it bothers them that badly, they can pay someone to kill me with the change they find in their couch cushions.
ReplyLIV TYLER not Liz Taylor.....hahahahahahahahaha
Missing: Frances Bean Cobain and pretty much any of Quincy Jones' kids. That man makes pretty babies.
ReplyKate Hudson is easily the hottest on this list.
ReplyCRACKED, Y U no have Georgia-May Jagger? Pretty shoddy work if you ask me.
ReplyAngelina Jolie is not attractive. In any way. Physically or otherwise.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesUsed to be, back in the days before the lip injections gave her brain damage. Go watch Hackers.
did u look at the pic in the article? yeah she not attractive in any way at all
I have to agree, she only looked slightly good in her tomb raider days but I wouldn't call it HOTTT!
Yikes - to you I guess. To me, she's goddamn otherworldly gorgeous. I guess I feel that way because I was into her since the mid 90s, but to my eyes she's profoundly beautiful...