Just like Demi Moore's whip-it binge, it's Ashton Kutcher's fault that Americans expect direct interaction with celebrities on Twitter. Until @aplusk tweeted support for a child-molester enabler and had to turn over his Twitter account to suits, he included his millions of followers in nearly every stupid fucking moment of his existence. Before long, every housebound yo-yo in Missouri felt entitled to be a part of their famous Twitter pals' lives. That cocky attitude has spilled directly into the feeds of our presidential candidates.

Some people truly believe that Obama is furiously scrolling though Twitter while he crisscrosses the country in Air Force One. And that Romney, gliding thousands of leagues under the ocean's surface in his shark-shaped luxury submarine named AquaMitt, actually has Wi-Fi down there.

Many of their ranks are made up of the charmingly naive. Here are the six types of people who Tweet at the presidential candidates ...

The Totally Confused

Barack Obama @Barackobama 30 Sep This election is too important to sit out. Register to vote before it's too late: BO/O5nxL4 O Details Priscilla Millo

Barack Obama Barackobama 30 Sep This election is too important to sit out Register to vote before it's too late: OFA BO/05nxL4 O Details Julio Peralta

You heard the people, Mr. President. Stop jamming tweets down their throats like all the other throat-jamming things you won't stop jamming down throats!

The Information Seekers

Barack Obama DBarackObama 8 Oct Tomorrow's the last day you can register to vote in Ohio. Don't miss out register now! OFA BO/IGLYMG o Details John Ba

Because why spend hours Googling information at your local public library when you could just ask your question directly to the president?

faith 2- Follow @zaynaps why doesnt obamas tumblr ever answer my questions these are serious questions i need answers mr president Barackobama Reply R

And if you don't respond here, Faith will be forced to escalate this all the way to Google+.

The 6 Types of People Who Tweet Directly to the Candidates

Just saying you want to favorite the tweet is more than enough, Dale. You should probably go lie down for a while now.

The Shit Starter

Mitt Romney @MittRomney 6 Oct Women have had enough of Barackobama's disappointment. We need new leadership to get our economy growing again. i.tt/R5F

President Negro, direct your attention from the Syrian crisis and defend your Twitter-honor, sir!

Jhanay - Follow @JDARBY all @MittRomney tweet abt is Obama. Off his dick ! Reply Retweet Favorite 8:58 PM-50t12-Embed this Tweet

Indeed. This is an election, not a dick sitting.

Brandon Goodrum L- Follow @BGForMayor BarackObama yo @mittromney said he run with wanna it you. we over here chillin and he getting on you playa Reply

Why is Brandon tweeting at Obama when he is at Romney's house? He should ask Mitt when the polls are opened for the people to vote and get back to John Barnhart.

POODER VOTIN 4 OBAMA L- Follow @FCKPOODERTWEETS Aye nigga listen here, I AINT VOTING FOR YO BITCH ASS MittRomney Reply 17 Retweet Favorite 4 1 RETWEET

This must hurt, but the Romney campaign knew going in that securing the Pooder Vote was a long shot.

The Personal Requester

Dr. Claudia L- Follow Satanic cSurgeon MittRomney sir, I'm writing an article supporting you for my school paper. Could you tweet me a good quote to u

Any quote for SatanicSurgeon's school paper will do, Mr. Romney. So long as it's a good one and not one of the shitty ones.

Bryan Meredith L- Follow @bryanmeredith @mittromney Come to Charlotte. I'll treat you to some BBQ. I have story for a you. We need you to win. Reply 1

No reply for Bryan? The guy's got a story! Certainly involving blood and a ferret.

Alex Waelde L Follow @AlexWaelde MittRomney you should tweet at me because I have persuaded multiple people to go out and vote for you to help our cou

Yes, Mitt, you definitely should tweet at this former frat president who runs a website telling drunk kids where to avoid cops around Columbia, South Carolina.

The Voice of Reason

Thadeacon L- Follow Thadeacon Somebody who follows Mitt Romney TL let em know they lowkey gettn played cuz they clearly aint gettn @'d back. A subtwee

In fact, we'd go so far as to say that someone should have already done this ages ago.

Sahra.A Follow @dashhhdoll Why your keep @'ing Obama like ass Barack he gon reply to you? @ MittRomney lmao you bum Reply 17 Retweet Favorite Embed th

She has a good point. And you have to admit, it's quite rare that someone on Twitter has any sort of point at all.

Tami Stainfield

The 6 Types of People Who Tweet Directly to the Candidates

Because some crazy just deserves a category all its own, we'd like to introduce you to Tami Stainfield, "No Party" candidate for president of the United States. This is her discussing the platform she's running on, which is, of course, something about the government illegally tapping into your brain.


That was fun, right? Almost as much fun as you'll have trying to decipher the meaning of this tweet ...

Paul Ryan @paulRyanVP 9 Oct With @Mittromney as president, we will have pro-growth policies that foster upward mobility - and lift people out of pover

Think Today Was Crazy?

Wait 'til you hear about the moments in history you missed! Get a new story sent directly to your inbox every day! No ads, no videos, just your daily shot of Cracked. Sign up now!

Forgot Password?