The 5 Types of People Who Force You to Watch YouTube Clips
So you're hanging out with friends, and none of you have any idea how to hold a conversation any longer. Someone says "Oh, have you seen that hilarious YouTube video of [thing you've never heard of] doing [completely uninteresting activity]?" You admit that you haven't, so of course you'll have to watch it now. Chances are that the person showing you the video will be one of these ...
The Precursor reels you in by telling you that there's this hilarious parody video of Justin Bieber that really "gets it" (although to be fair, every video of Justin Bieber is a parody video of Justin Bieber). You're all for things that "get it," and having absolutely nothing better to do with your time, you agree to watch.
"If he takes his pants off, I'm out of here."
"But wait!" the Precursor says. "In order for the video to make sense, you should probably watch the original music video." So now you're watching just a regular, non-ironic Justin Bieber music video, which is seven minutes long. Then the Precursor admits that a lot of the jokes in the parody also refer to an interview the Biebs gave on Ellen, so you should probably watch that clip first, too. Now you've sunk an hour into a two-minute parody video that you still haven't seen about a pop star you don't care about, and all you have to show for it is a gnawing concern over why your friend is so intimately familiar with Justin Bieber's videography.
The Commentator says that he's going to show you a great video about some guy getting hit in the balls with a Chevy Avalanche, but really he just wants to talk through the whole thing about what kind of budget the crew had and this awesome outtake where the Avalanche flubbed its lines, and did you know that the filmmaker actually met his wife while they were making the video? The Commentator guarantees that you'll have to watch the whole thing again by yourself if you actually want to enjoy it.
"It's all a really subtle commentary on the rape culture. And nut shots."
The Marathoner cannot wait to show you this next video she's been thinking of, even though you're currently in the middle of watching a clip of a Tyrannosaurus playing NBA Jam with Blake Griffin on the surface of the moon. Through some synapse misfire in her brain, the Marathoner leads you on a circuitous journey from video to completely unrelated video, following up a FAIL compilation with Shark Week highlights, until you're suddenly involved in a video marathon that has about as much continuity as the Leprechaun series.
C'mon, you guys, rail some Adderall or something. I've got like 30 videos to go."
The Cheerleader has too much enthusiasm for the clip you're about to see. He'll talk up its unrivaled hilarity beforehand, perhaps even offering a genius quote or two that makes no sense out of context but that he assures you will become favorite catchphrases of yours. During the actual viewing, he doesn't even watch the video at all and instead stares intently at you to make sure you're enjoying it correctly. He then laughs unnaturally loudly at the previously teased quotes, making you feel like you should do the same, regardless of whether or not they were actually funny.
"Gimme B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T! What's it spell? Bullshit! Pointless goddamn bullshit, yay!"
The Apologetic Failure
The Apologetic Failure will typically appear briefly as the Cheerleader. She is initially really excited to show you this video, because man, it's the best. Hm. It's taking a while to load ... OK, awesome! Just wait until this part ... um, OK, it's kind of hard to hear what he says, did you hear it? OK, let me back it up... just turn up the sound here. Wow, the sound quality is really terrible. OK, there! Did you hear it? You did? Oh. Well ... it was really late when I saw it, and I was still kind of drunk from the bar. I guess it just hit me at the right time. Oh hey, have you seen the one with Blake Griffin and the Tyrannosaurus?