The 5 Most Ironic Scenes of Utter Destruction

The universe is kind of a dick.
The 5 Most Ironic Scenes of Utter Destruction

The definition of "irony" is a little tricky, as it is routinely confused with similar concepts like "poetic justice," "bad luck" or "whatever bullshit Alanis Morrisette was singing about." Irony is simply "when something happens contrary to what is expected," like a houseboat being destroyed in an earthquake. Judging by the following five examples of other things that were destroyed in equally ironic fashion, the universe seems to understand the concept perfectly fine. Also, the universe is kind of a dick.

Fire Station Burns to the Ground

In December 2011, the Linn-San Manuel Fire Department received a call informing them that the Linn-San Manuel fire station was ablaze. We imagine that they receive this call with some regularity.


"Also, your refrigerator is running."

However, this time it was deadly serious. Now, if you're wondering why the fire department would need a phone call to tell them that their home base was on fire, it's because the building was totally empty at the time, which is a sentence that should probably not exist. The entire crew was out at a Christmas party and had used three of the station's four trucks to drive there. Everything in the building was destroyed, including the department's financial records, which were under scrutiny at the time, following accusations of misappropriation. This is probably the closest that real firefighting has ever come to the plot of Backdraft.

Historic Building Recognized With Historic Marker, Then Demolished

The Waverly Five and Dime, a building once owned by civil rights pioneer George Elmore, was honored with a marker noting its historical significance before being completely demolished less than a week later by the neighboring church that had purchased it, presumably because they needed space for a bouncy castle at next month's family cookout, and because history can go fuck itself.

The 5 Most Ironic Scenes of Utter Destruction
Kim Kim Foster- Tobin

"Be sure to pave over that cultural significance quickly, we need a place for the pie table."

Secretariat Statue Destroyed by a Racehorse

City on Line, a 4-year-old racing colt, decided that a statue of the legendary horse Secretariat (if being the subject of a movie with Diane Lane is considered the stuff of legends) at Belmont Park Raceway could not continue to exist and barreled into it at top speed.

John Dunn for the New York Times

You guys probably can't tell, but to horses, this is pretty racist.

City on Line unseated his jockey and tore ass away from the racetrack for reasons that cannot begin to be explained and smashed into the statue, crushing its thousand-pound base and knocking the metal horse of yesteryear to the ground. The impact was so severe that City on Line had to be euthanized on the spot, although we hope that a modest statue was commissioned in honor of his batshit lunacy.

World War I Memorial Destroyed by World War II Bombing Raid

The Neue Wache Memorial in Berlin was built in remembrance of those lost in World War I, the "War to End All Wars." Unfortunately, it was destroyed in a bombing raid during the "War to Unequivocally Prove That Statement Wrong," World War II.

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Bildarchiv Preußischer Kulturbesitz

They should've known better. Everything gets a sequel these days.

The memorial was not restored until 1960, probably because of its established history as a bomb magnet.

Gigantic Jesus Statue Destroyed by Lightning

Solid Rock Church in Monroe, Ohio, is home to a six-story plastic and fiberglass statue known locally as "Touchdown Jesus," because holy shit look at it:

The 5 Most Ironic Scenes of Utter Destruction

Although "touchdown" may be a tad inaccurate, as he's obviously looking through the uprights.

During a heavy thunderstorm in June 2010, the massive statue was struck by lightning and burned to the goddamned ground, leaving a skeletal Wicker Man in its place.

The 5 Most Ironic Scenes of Utter Destruction
Springfield News-Sun

It's only a matter of time before Nicolas Cage sprints in and starts punching people.

Because they learned absolutely nothing from this event, Solid Rock Church officials assured the community that Touchdown Jesus would soon be "resurrected," presumably to give Marty McFly some options should he need to find an alternate location where a bolt of lightning is guaranteed to strike.

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