"A child you never met was probably born here 40 years ago. If you see him, give him these. If not, eh."
So what if you moved and you're understandably putting off the soul-sucking trip to the DMV? "The trial might go forward without you, you'll lose, and then you'll have police trying to find you," Vincent says. "It is possible, with a good-enough attorney, to argue that due diligence wasn't done and the service shouldn't count," but if you don't have the budget for a good lawyer, you are what we call, in the legal vernacular, 31 flavors of fucked.
Process Servers Witness A Lot Of Death
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Broadly speaking, process servers don't encounter people who are living life like it's a Julia Roberts movie. "It just gives us the statistical likelihood to encounter dead people more often than the average person," Vincent says. "Like the cold open of a Law & Order episode where the body is found by someone, and it's always a different field, people from across all different walks of life. If it were more realistic, it would be nothing but process servers and social workers."
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Random pizza dudes are more likely to walk into a porno plot than this one.
"I served some papers on a girl, and in the newspaper the next morning, it said she was found dead in the hotel room that I had served her papers in," Crystal says. "She had been naked on the bed. There was heroin, there was meth, there were needles, there were pipes -- I mean, the whole nine yards. The guy in the room when I got there to serve the papers was acting kind of funny, so of course I took note of everything. And I went on my merry way. Sunday morning, she was found dead with a bag tied over her head, and I thought, 'I might've seen the killer.'"
Crystal went to the police immediately, but they kind of blew her off at first. Five months later, the summoner had become the summoned. The police told Crystal that the guy remembered her dropping by, and desperately needed her to back up his story. Her testimony -- that she had seen him in the room, but on her way back, she noticed that his car was gone -- ended up saving a man's life.
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And that is why you deliver your summons, instead of giving Oscar the Grouch new wallpaper choices.
"She had done it to herself," it turned out. "I served her custody, divorce, whatnot, from her doctor husband in Idaho Falls. They had six small children, she got addicted to drugs, and she wanted the children, so whatever that was in those papers apparently pushed her over the edge, because she asphyxiated herself."
"She was very nice," Crystal adds.
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