4

The Lies Didn't Always Work

Fuse/Fuse/Getty Images

Not everyone bought the rape pretense. Most people accepted it, but those who didn't threw tantrums. Anytime I went out in public with my mom, we had to brace for a potential shitstorm of racism. One white man followed us around when my mom took me shoe shopping. Every time she pulled out some black shoes, he said, "Wouldn't gray be better because he's mixed?" or "That's too black. Why not those brown ones to match his skin?" and other bizarrely shoe-themed racial jabs. Eventually my mother had enough and asked for a manager. The cashier pointed to the amateur comedian footwear racist. He was the manager.

Comstock/Stockbyte/Getty Images
"I'm getting paid while doing this!"

3

Everything In Life Is 100 Percent Harder When Your Skin Is Illegal

Keystone/Hulton Archive/Getty Images

Searching for a new apartment sucks at the best of times, but having a mixed-race child is like showing up at the door with a pet tiger. I remember one time my mother and I went to check out an open apartment, the landlord saw me and immediately screamed, "Get that [super racist slur for mixed-race kids] out of here!"

Via Statemaster.com
While others didn't even bother to yell.

I tended to get lost as a child. Invariably, some employee would find me and the store would do a PA call. But since my race was indeterminate, they'd have to guess. Sometimes I was Malay, sometimes black. Since our races weren't a perfect match, my mother would have to bring official papers documenting my parentage. She had to keep these on her at all times. If she forgot them, and the people felt like being dicks about it, the whole situation might take hours to clear up.

My father had it worse. As far as the government was concerned, he couldn't be my father, so whenever we spent time together out of his apartment, he had to be on the lookout for police. The two of us going on a walk in the park was, for him, as risky as if I'd been an adorable sack of cocaine. If a cop questioned us, he wouldn't be able to admit he was my father, and thus he'd wind up in jail for abducting me. Every father/son moment we had involved a game of "Let's avoid the police!"

2

I Wasn't Accepted By Either Race

Via Theconversation.com

Since I had a black mother and, on paper, no father, the authorities just listed me as "black." Unfortunately, the Xhosa people I lived around didn't put a lot of value on what the police paperwork said. To them, I was white. And they made sure I was unwelcome. One time in school, we had to give a presentation about our heritage. All the kids had cool stories about their tribes and people. When I told my teacher that I wanted to be part of the Xhosa group, he told me that it would be unique to tell people about white culture. Most of my knowledge of white culture involved Magnum P.I., so I gave a textbook speech on Afrikaners and the importance of glorious mustaches and garish shirts. To zero applause.

Universal Television
Racism is such bullshit that it somehow tried to make this uncool. Fuck that.

Obviously, white people weren't happy with me, either. After Apartheid ended and my very existence stopped being illegal, my parents finally made their union official. I started going to a majority-white private school at that point, where I was insulted on an almost hourly basis. But that was actually a step up for me. At the black private school, I was seen as being on the white side -- aka the oppressors. But some of the kids at the white school thought I was cool, because this was the early '90s and rap was starting to get huge. Fresh Prince was on TV, and I benefited greatly from Will Smith's playground combat ineptitude. In fact, when I was mocked at my new school, some kids defended me because of my "hip" skin color. Yes, I was a literal token. But you know what? Acceptance based on your nonexistent rap skills is better than no acceptance at all.

1

Acceptance Is So Shocking That You May Never Get Used To It

Alec Wilson/Wiki Commons

In 1995, Namibia gave visas to my whole family. Since the country used to be under South African control, I thought it was going to be more of the same, but I was shocked to see how cool everyone was with me. Unlike in South Africa, generations of Namibians, Germans, and others groups were on friendly terms almost overnight after their own version of apartheid fell, so they enjoyed the benefits of those kinky mixed-race relations. For the first time, my skin was no big deal.

I also traveled to the UK and the US a few years later, and again, no one gave me a second thought. I was so used to feeling like my skin was a crime that hearing that it didn't really matter came as a shock. At one party in Philadelphia, someone called my parent's relationship "amazing." My mother was as shocked as I was. "But I married a white man! We have a son. That's not unusual?" The person said, "Here? Maybe a little, but most people are fine with that." The people in Britain were the same way. It was like we'd landed on another planet.

Purestock/Purestock/Getty Images
Like, I bet no one has even considered jabbing a pencil into that kid's hair.

Today, even in South Africa, it's totally fine to admit being mixed-race. But I still hesitate before admitting it. If I'd said that out loud as a kid, my parents would have gone to prison. You don't unlearn that kind of defensive behavior. Today, 85 percent of Millennial post-apartheid South Africans are fine with interracial marriage, compared to 86 percent of all Americans. Modern mixed-race kids can take pride in their creamy skin and go on walks with their fathers without feeling like crack dealers. That's a beautiful thing.

Evan V. Symon is the interview finder guy and Personal Experience Team Member at Cracked, and was honored to talk with Paul. Have an awesome job/experience you would like to share? Hit us up at tips@cracked.com!

Psst ... want to give us feedback on the super-secret beta launch of the upcoming Cracked spinoff site, Braindrop? Well, simply follow us behind this curtain. Or, you know, click here: Braindrop.

For more insider perspectives, check out 5 Realities In One Of History's Most Violent Countries or 5 Bizarre Realities Of Life At The Edge Of Gaza.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out The Despicable Crime Behind Every 'Pokemon' Game, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!

Also, follow us on Facebook, and let's be friends to the end.

Have a story to share with Cracked? Email us here.