It was either stick with the bad relationship or go homeless. That kind of no-win choice, incidentally, is one of the many reasons committed gay couples seek not just marriage but legitimate same-sex divorce. The first same-sex couple to marry in the country actually ended up divorcing -- it's not often brought up in the whole gay marriage debate, but why should anyone, regardless of sexual orientation, have to battle shifting laws so that they can have the basic human right not to put up with each other's bullshit anymore?
"We're here. We're queer. Get alimony!"
The Internet Makes Being Disowned That Much Weirder
Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Much of Ron's life without a family has been pretty gloomy. Thanksgiving is just a four-day weekend. Christmas is just a time to watch Die Hard on repeat for a few weeks. For a while, he sank into real depression, even refusing to get out of bed. The one thing he'd get up for, at times, was video games -- playing them with friends online and even driving to attend tournaments in person. He might even go so far as to say video games kept him from turning to suicide. "It's always a way to escape," he said. "To get your mind off all the stupid shit you shouldn't be thinking."
They said video games would rot our brains, but they never stopped to think we could use a little brain rot now and again.
Stephen Morris/iStock/Getty Images
Feel like arguing about that? Try playing a video game instead.
You're never really totally cut off from anyone in the 21st century, though. We have the Internet. Ever find yourself senselessly browsing the Facebook page of an ex you've not seen in years? Ron does that, too, but strike "ex" and insert "whole family." Mom posts Bible quotes with some regularity. Ron's brother appears to have quit drinking. The brother's daughter got pregnant at 15, so Ron's a great-uncle at 29 -- to a child he'll probably never meet.
Photodisc/Digital Vision/Getty Images
That's 3,201 people in Ron's hometown whom he'll never see again.
Nobody's saying that you should never come out. In fact, Ron wouldn't do it any differently, even if he could:
"I think I could have waited. I'm still glad I didn't. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't go through all this."
But they say that there's nothing more important than family. And it's true that your family can be the greatest thing in the world, but they could also just be a bunch of jerks who unfortunately share some of the same twisty bits of DNA as you.
"I don't really miss them anymore," Ron said. "I have built up all these friends around me who have helped me and loved me no matter who I was. And it just all seems to not matter."
"I swear never to shoot you dead and/or otherwise."
So stay tuned for our gritty sitcom reboot, Family Doesn't Matter, starring Jaleel White as Urkel, a gay teen just trying to get through high school ... and Jaleel White as Stefan, Urkel's clone and giant asshole that doesn't accept his doppleganger's sexual identity.
Ryan Menezes is an interviewer and layout editor here at Cracked. Follow him on Twitter.
For more insider perspectives, check out 5 Shockingly Outdated Problems Gay People Still Face Today and 5 Shocking Realities Of Being Transgender The Media Ignores .
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