A resident of the house, being a good hostess, generously offered to stash me away in the relative privacy of her bedroom. Sometime later, another woman who was at the party came into the room, got into bed with me, and started trying to convince me to have sex with her. My memory of all this is very hazy, but I know that I repeatedly said, "No thanks, I have a girlfriend, surely you understand."
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That's where my coherent memory of the incident ends, but suffice it to say, she absolutely did not understand at all -- she took advantage of me while I was barely conscious and could no longer say no, which is more or less the exact definition of rape.
If the genders were reversed.
But for me, whenever I tell someone I was raped by a woman, they act like I just told them I was bitten by a leprechaun. They can't even fathom how such a thing would be possible. By far the most common response is a brief pause, followed by, "What do you mean?" One of the most hurtful responses was from a close male friend, who dismissed me by saying, "I'm sure she didn't hold you down."
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And that, right there, seems to be the psychological hurdle no one can get over. It's based on the idea that sex is something men do to women. Men give out sex, women receive it, and that's just how sex works. So if sex occurred, it must mean I was the one who made it happen. That either knowingly or deep down, I must have wanted it to happen.
That I was "asking for it."
Yeah, sound familiar?