"i hate monopoly just about as much as i hate bibleopoly. one day i broke into a toy store to see if they sold plastic hogs that squirt beer into your mouth and i tripped on something and hit my head and my eye was all screwed up for weeks after that. eventually i saw an eyeball doctor and he said i had the metal dog piece from monopoly stuck in my eye. he wanted to remove it but i smacked the crap out of his hand because that greedy rotworm just wanted to steal it and melt it down and make a dollar coin with it and i'll be damned if i let some idiot steal my eyedog."

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