I'm engaged to Cracked user Teland. Yes, she is a real chick with real boobies. She's covered in 'em.

When I'm not ogling Teland or thinking about Batman, I'm trying not to perv on anyone with the last name Obama.

I think Doctor Mister Cody is pretty damn funny. I don't think he's a real doctor though...

I don't think Winston Rowntree uses too many words in any situation, based on the available evidence.

I want to be Seanbaby when I grow up. I can already make the special noise he makes when grinning his special someone-is-taking-my-picture grin.

This http://www.spoil-sports.com/Aquaman.htm is one of the funniest Flash-animated videos I've ever seen. (No, I am not that guy. My voice doesn't go that high.)

I have aspirations to one day contribute to (or even all by myself like a BIG Jack!) a Cracked article. But I will never knowingly have a hand in anything involving spiders. Not because I'm scared or squeamish -- I like spiders, and a wild one that lived in my house made friends with me once -- but because Teland has the serious arachnophobia, so I do my best to ensure she never sees or hears about any. I'm chivalrous like that. In return, she protects me from pretty much everything else.

Oi! Who gave me karma? Did you ever consider that might offend my Buddhist sensibilities?

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