25 Totally Bonkers News Headlines That Made Us Wince

The verdict is in: “How to Murder Your Husband” author is guilty.
25 Totally Bonkers News Headlines That Made Us Wince

There was once a very strange man who lived by himself in a cave near a large lake. One day, he saw an old woman carrying a large basket full of dirt. When the old woman asked him where she could dump her load, he said, “Over there, on the bank of the lake.” The old woman was puzzled, but she complied and dumped her load of soil on the shore of the lake. As she went back into the forest to fetch more soil, she heard the sound of a horse whinnying in the distance. She looked around, and found the horse standing on a rock, eating a piece of turf from the shore of the lake. When she asked the man how the horse had gotten there, he replied, “The same way I did. When you came here, I dug a hole under the lake, and jumped in. The water filled my hole and carried me to this place.” 

The old woman returned to the cave to enjoy this list of odd facts. She decided not to tell anyone about them, as they might think that she was mad.

Balenciaga's 'full destroyed' sneakers listed for $1,850.

Balenciaga is selling 'full destroyed' sneakers for $1,850. NEM B GRACKED COM The Paris High Top Sneak- er Full Destroyed from high-end brand Balenciaga look like they were re- trieved from the corpse of a teenage Freddy Krueger victim, and will set you back almost $2k.


1,369 people don vampire costumes for Guinness World Record in England.

Over 1,300 people dressed in vampire costumes to celebrate the 125th anniversary of Bram Stoker's Dracula. CRACKED.COM 1,369 people attended the event at Whitby Abbey dressed as vampires, break- ing the previous record of 1,039 set in the US in 2011. Stoker's 1897 tale was said to have been inspired by a trip to Whitby in 1890.

The Independent

Jumping worms, the evil twin of earthworms, showing up in California.

A type of worm that leaps a foot into the air is showing up in California. 10 20 40 50 60 70 BIO 90 100 110 120 30 140 15 to 20.24 20 12 18 = .. N и NO.311-me CRACKED.COM 2 3 The invasive Amynthas agrestis, also known as the Asian jumping worm, are known for their insatiable appetite, aggression, and how they thrash around more like a snake than a worm when handled.


Former cook gets 10 years in prison for fishy scheme involving theft of $830K worth of lobster, shrimp and ribeye.

A former cook will serve 10 years in prison for the theft of steaks, lobster, and shrimp. CRACKED.COM Paul Diogenes used sto- len bank info from Rhode Island restaurants to buy $830,000 worth of deli- cacies, which he then sold back to the eateries he had defrauded.


Taco Bell May Stop Selling Mexican Pizza Next Week

Just as quickly as it returned, the Taco Bell Mexican Pizza may be once again be off the menu. GRACKED.COM Leaked internal emails reveal that demand for the menu item exceeded expectations, and the restaurant chain will soon run out of ingredients - despite ev- erything on the menu basically being a combination of meat, cheese, and tortilla.

The Street

Taiwanese people stuck with the name ‘Salmon’ after sushi promotion.

People in Taiwan are stuck being called 'Salmon' after changing their names for a sushi promotion. CRACKED.COM The promotion gave away all-you-can-eat sushi to any- one who changed their names to 'Salmon,' but Taiwan limits how many times citizens can change their name, so some people found out they couldn't change it back.

The Guardian

Semitrailer crash outside Pittsburgh dumps more than seven tons of hot dog filler onto highway.

Seven tons of hot dog filler was dumped onto the road after a semitrailer crash. GRAGKED.COM The driver and passenger suffered minor injuries but declined medical treatment - perhaps as penance for the destruction of 15,000 pounds of delicious, viscous hotdog meat that oozed into the roadway like an alien entity.

USA Today

Guns are banned during Trump's speech at the NRA conference this week.

There is one place in America that Donald Trump does not want firearms: at his own speech. CRACKED.COM Former President Donald Trump is scheduled to speak at the NRA's Annual Leadership Forum, which is prohibiting attendees from having firearms, knives, pepper spray, backpacks, and even toy guns.


North Korea Begins 'Immortal Potion of Love' Covid Vaccine Program.

North Korea is calling its Covid vaccines an 'immortal potion of love' from Kim Jong Un. CRACKED.COM Vehicles play loudspeaker messages at vaccination sites, highlighting how the vaccines were a gracious gift from Kim. However, the vaccines are so far reserved only for soldiers working on national construction projects.


Man disguised as elderly woman attacks Mona Lisa with cake.

Someone hit the Mona Lisa (or at least the protective glass covering) with a cake. CRACKED.COM A young man wore lipstick and a wig and rolled into the Louvre in a wheelchair, attempting to smash the bulletproof glass pro- tecting the painting before smearing cake on it. The activ- ist's manifesto appears to boil down to think about the Earth.


Strippers can apparently better forecast the market than your finance bro.

If strip club attendance is any indicator, we are in a recession. CRACKED.COM The user, @botticellibi- mo, explained that the strip club is sadly a lead- ing indicator and i can promise ya'll we r in a re- cession Imao. L.m.a.o. in- deed.


Forest Service says it started New Mexico’s largest wildfire.

Two blazes that grew into New Mexico's largest ever wildfire were both started by the U.S. Forest Service. CRACKED.COM The Calf Canyon Fire was caused by a burn pile of branches that the agency thought was out but reignit- ed, merging with the Hermits Peak Fire, which the USFS started with a controlled burn that went out of control.

National Post

Lion in China zoo turns heads for sporting bangs, goes viral as keepers deny giving it a haircut.

Chinese ZOO officials deny giving one of their lions bangs. GRACKED COM Pictures of the white lion were initially taken by a visitor to the Guangzhou Zoo and posted online, with many people specu- lating zookeepers were re- sponsible for its unique hairstyle.


Weezer asked Metallica fans for advice on putting setlists together.

Rivers Cuomo went to the Metallica subreddit to ask for setlist advice. CRACKED COM The Weezer frontman said he was inspired to make changes to his setlist after talking with Metallica band members during a recent festival. When asked what the Metallica subreddit is looking for, the resounding an- swer was more deep cuts.


“Tough to forge” digital driver’s license is… easy to forge.

A litany of security flaws allows the tough to forge digital driver's license easy to forge. CRACKED COM The New South Wales govern- ment promised they would provide additional levels of security and protection. Secu- rity researchers have shown that it's trivial for just about anyone to forge fake identities with the digital licenses.

ARS Technica

Auckland police uncover they were burgled after own stuff found in search.

Auckland police discovered one of their stations was burgled, after finding their own belongings in an unrelated search. CRACKED.COM Police found a number of documents that were meant to be destroyed and expired pepper spray tak- en from the former Auck- land Central Police Station by a 41-year-old man.


Car insurance firms use loopholes to keep costs high for loyal customers.

Car insurance firms use loopholes to keep costs high for loyal customers. ST 0T 2219 CRACKED.COM Insurers have been banned from charging loyal policyhold- ers more to offer discounts and attract new customers, howev- er loopholes in the new rules mean they can cost more to re- new an existing policy than to buy a new one.

The Guardian

Begun, the superpig war has.

Urban and rural communities in Alberta may soon be under siege by superpigs. CRACKED.COM Residents of the north- eastern Alberta town of Lamont have been warned to be calm and move slowly as roving gangs of swine have been spotted inside town limits.


The verdict is in: “How to Murder Your Husband” author is guilty.

The How to Murder Your Husband novelist has been found guilty of murdering her husband. GRACKED.COM A jury in Portland has convicted self-pub- lished romance novelist, Nancy Brophy, of fatally shooting her husband four years ago.


Finland MP calls for boycott of Turkish kebabs, approves Kurdish kebabs

Turkish kebabs are out in Finland, but Kurdish kebabs are okay. CRACKED COM A Finnish Member of Parlia- ment has called for a boy- cott of Turkish kebabs, holi- days and cars, as Turkey continues to insist that Fin- land and Sweden should not gain NATO membership.

Middle East Monitor

The Republican nominee for a US Senate seat in Georgia is lying about lying.

Herschel Walker falsely claims he never falsely claimed he graduated from University of Georgia. GRACKED.COM The former football star, who is now the Republican nominee for a US Senate seat in Georgia, is piling dishonesty upon dishones- ty on the subject of his col- lege education.


State rep. floats mandatory vasectomies for all boys as his state nears nation’s strictest abortion law

An Oklahoma state rep. suggested boys should get mandatory vasectomies in light of abortion ban. GRACKED.COM Mickey Dollens said that the vasectomy would only be re- versible when they reach the point of financial and emotion- al stability, and If you think that is crazy then I think that maybe you understand how 50 percent of Oklahomans feel.


TikTok pediatricians urge people to stop sharing 'dangerous' DIY baby formula recipes on social media.

Pediatricians on TikTok are urging people to stop sharing 'dangerous' DIY baby formula recipes. TikTok CRACKED.COM Some videos promoting at-home formulas called for hemp seeds, pitted dates, vanilla and goat milk as an alternative. All of these ор- tions can be potentially harmful to infants, accord- ing to doctors.


Police didn't immediately confront the gunman as the Texas school shooting unfolded because they 'could've been shot.'

Police say they didn't confront the Uvalde school shooter because they 'could've been shot.' PM POLICE POLICE POLICE CRACKED.COM Roughly 40 minutes to an hour had passed between the time the shooter entered the school and was shot and killed by a Border Patrol agent. 40 is an interesting number, it's also the percentage of area taxes that go to the police.


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