Crimes So Dumb They're Not Worth Columbo's Time
Some criminals think they’re masterminds, but most are just inventing new ways to make police facepalm. These aren’t your clever Ocean’s Eleven schemes; they’re more like “steal a sandwich, get caught immediately.”
From a guy trying to rob a bank using a grocery bag to someone leaving their ID at the scene of a burglary, the stupidity is consistent, hilarious, and completely avoidable. The world is full of people making bad decisions with audacious overconfidence and poor judgment.
Buckle up for a tour through crimes so dumb that even Columbo wouldn’t bother finishing the paperwork. You’ll laugh, cringe, and maybe reconsider leaving your car unlocked.
Lemon Juice Genius – Pittsburgh
McArthur Wheeler smeared lemon juice on his face, thinking it made him invisible. CCTV disagreed spectacularly.
Phone Forgetter – Willimantic
Forgotten cellphone on the counter forced a casual stroll back straight into the cops’ arms.
Burger Bonus Bandit – Portland
Demanded cash plus a giant bag of McDonald’s burgers, proving criminal logic and appetite can collide.
Flat Tire Fugitive – Wichita
The getaway car limped home with a flat, and the combo of cash trail plus footprints made capture inevitable.
Upside-Down Threat – Columbia
Sliding a robbery note upside-down to the cashier gave security all the time they needed to act.
Manual Transmission Disaster – Omaha
Pointing a gun didn’t help when the stolen car was a stick shift and the thief couldn’t drive it.
Security Camera Loot – South Euclid
He took the DVR, including the footage of himself, so investigators enjoyed a cinematic arrest replay.
Mom’s House Heist – Atlanta
After climbing through a window, he realized the house was his mother’s and the reunion involved police.
Tree Disguise Fail – New York
Camouflaged with branches, the “bush” looked less stealthy and more spectacularly ridiculous in daylight.
Taxi Time-Out – Chicago
Feeling safe, he called a taxi a few blocks away, exactly where the cops happened to be waiting.
Police Home Burglar – Portland
Breaking into a house full of off-duty officers made for an arrest with zero resistance.
Identification Request Panic – Honolulu
When the teller offered to check ID, the robber panicked and fled, empty-handed and thoroughly embarrassed.
Permanent Marker Makeover – Wapello
Iowa teens tried to disguise themselves with marker drawings. Monsters or kids? Jury’s still out.
ID Retrieval Expert – Pensacola
After the theft, he came back to fetch his ID, as if the post-robbery return visit was routine.
Hole-y Bag Burglar – Dayton
Using a paper bag with a bottom hole guarantees an impressive money breadcrumb trail right to your hideout.
Illegible Heist – Los Angeles
The threatening note was so illegible that the cashier gave up trying to read it, and the thief left baffled.
Reward Request – Cleveland
Returning the stolen cash, a polite request for a reward was included. Officers did not comply.
Facebook Fail – South Saint Paul
Leaving Facebook open on a victim’s PC, he effectively handed cops his identity on a digital platter.
Nap Time Burglar – Columbus
After breaking in, the intruder got exhausted, fell asleep in the owners’ bed, and woke up to sirens.
Resume Robber – McAllen
A robbery note appeared… on the back of a job application, complete with contact details. Police couldn’t believe it.
