15 Insane Paydays for Famously Dogshit Movies

Not everything can be a masterpiece. There are only a handful of truly perfect films — Citizen Kane, The Princess Bride, Hot Rod — and plenty don’t even aspire to be anything beyond adequate.

Sometimes, though, they’re straight-up dogshit, which makes it all the more horrendous when you realize millions of dollars changed hands for it. Those 90 appalling minutes you just sat through involved someone making more money than you’ll make in your whole life. That’s pretty distressing. Like, Hollywood money is insane at the best of times, but when the result is an enjoyment-free experience, it’s pretty galling that the people involved could put your kids through college a dozen times without breaking a sweat.

Click right here to get the best of Cracked sent to your inbox.

15 The Dino Cop Caper Extinct from Whoopi’s Resume

Whoopi Goldberg was paid $7,000,000 for Theodore Rex, a buddy-comedy in which she is a cop partnered with a dinosaur. It went straight to video, has 0 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and absolutely sucks a full ass.

Source

14 Arnie’s Ice Payday

Arnold Schwazenegegr was paid $25,000,000 to play Mr Freeze in Batman & Robin. He is manifestly the best thing about the movie, which is fairly universally seen as the shittiest Batman movie ever made.

BANOLO SCHWARZENEGGER GEORGE CHRIS CLOONEY O'DONNELL BATMAN ROBIN UMA ALICIA THURMAN SILVERSTONE II the WT If JUNE 20 - - THE — Source

13 The Rock’s Immediately-Forgotten Labor of Love

The Rock made $22,500,000 for Black Adam, a project that was in development for around 15 years and wasn’t very good. Came, went, hasn’t been thought of since.

POWER BORN FROM RAGE DC BLACK ADAM IN 21 ONLY THEATERS OCTOBER NICH - KHOWN TRUBITE YAMAX — Source

12 Mark Wahlberg’s Bullet-Time Millions

Remember Uncharted? A not-faithful-enough adaptation of the awesome game series that aged its lead characters down in a frustrating way? Mark Wahlberg got $30,000,000 for that crap.

TOM MARK HOLLAND WAHLBERG UNCHARTED ESTL US/VELT - MOVIE SONY O 2. 18. 20 22 - PREMIUM LANDER - PAA — Source

11 Eddie Murphy’s Intergalactic Bullshit

Eddie Murphy was paid $20,000,000 for The Adventures of Pluto Nash, a legendarily terrible film that only made a third of his salary back. It’s really shit.

EDDIE MURPHY THE ADVB TURES PLUTO ON NASH OF THE MAN THE MOON - and the THE UNIVERSITA run AMAR e up one are is was a van 35 THE HOT the WITH the GATA VIII the and more to AUGUST 16 — Source

10 Nic Cage’s Flaming Skull Millions

Nicolas Cage’s financial woes were certainly helped by the $7,500,000 he got for Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, a movie which absolutely has its moments but can’t be called good by any stretch of the imagination.

CARE G HOST RIDER SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE 2.17.12 N3D — Source

9 Halle Berry, Feline Wealthy

Halle Berry was paid $14,000,000 for Catwoman, an absolute piss-soaked turd of a film that she happily referred to as “a piece of shit” when accepting a Razzie for her performance in it.

8 Adam Sandler’s Ridiculous 62 Mil

The Ridiculous 6 is arguably Adam Sandler’s weakest movie — Jack and Jill sucks, but Al Pacino’s funny in it — yet thanks to en enormous deal with Netflix, he made a colossal $62,500,000 for it. Jesus Fucking Christ.

NETFLIX A NETFLIX ORIGINAL FIH jorge adam SANDLER GARCI terry crews RID jarga GARCIA THE RIDICULOUS 6 taylor LAUTNER OUS SCHNEIDER red taylor lake WILSON AUTNER December 11 — Source

7 Scarlett Johansson: The Ghost with the Most (Money)

The main thing most people remember the big-screen adaptation of Ghost in the Shell for was the controversy surrounding Scarlett Johansson’s casting as the usually Japanese Major. Johansson probably largely remembers being paid $17,500,000 for it.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON RE Shi the I d GHOST IN THE SHELL UN the - the the the the are - - the a the MARCH 31 — Source

6 Angelina’s Jolie Chunky Payday

Eternals was the MCU movie that couldn’t, the one with a star-studded cast that the world has just kind of forgotten. Not Angelina Jolie, who cashed a check for $35,500,000 for wearing a really crappy wig.

GEMMA CHAN ESCMALD MADDEN KUMAIL NASEEI EL M H U G E AKIAN LITTE MINEY LAUREN BAKET ESOGRAS DOY LEE SAEMA HAVET 1 LOTTE II STUDIOS ETERNALS I the DEL THE BOOK may urcan 113 ISE THERE Y AM 22 1 SIN DET - - neun SINDE LDC creature CC meme BEST - 78747 FREE EN THEATERS NOVEMBER S - Ministry REAL? 30 - MAX — Source

5 Ben Affleck’s Paycheck: Colossal

Ben Affleck was paid $15,000,000 for Paycheck. He was asked on Conan why he did the movie, and replied, “The answer lies in the title.”

TTOK DE DIRECTOR or Mi-2 AAD FACE/OFF AND DE AUTHOR AND BROJPHE YOU MINORITY REPORT AND BLADE RUNNER 200 BEN AFFLECK AARON ECKHART UMA THURMAN PAYCHECK REMEMBER THE FUTURE STORE 355 20 name ONE Jillo BS RU - 100 E - and 150 are Made COST DA was UP THE THE was A a are AT Are - TINK CC III DE III 23 12.25.03 MUNICE NEM — Source

4 Ryan Reynolds: 6 Underground, 27 in Da Bank

There is maybe a 1 percent chance you remember the movie 6 Underground, a Michael Bay Netflix movie about a billionaire-led vigilante group. Ryan Reynolds was paid $27,000,000 for it, about nine million per gay-panic joke.

THEY SAY NO ONE CAN SAVE THE WORLD WEET NO ONE. RYAN RETNOLOS MICHAEL BAY FAX 6 UNDERGROUND DECEMBER 13 | NETFLIX SKYDANCE PAUL VERNICK RMETT REESE MOOP MICHAEL BAY METLE — Source

3 John’s Trevoltingly Massive Payday

Battlefield Earth famously cost John Travolta a fortune as he deferred half his fee until the movie made money, which it didn’t. However, he still got $10,000,000 — TEN MILLION DOLLARS — for it.

JOHN TRAVOLTA BATTLEFIELD EARTH TAKE BACK THE PLANET MAY — Source

2 Big Sean’s Big Check

Sean Connery was paid $17,000,000 to star in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, an absolute waste of time movie that led him to retire (apart from one voice-acting job on a cheapo CGI movie that also fully sucked).

A MENTER A FOODS KSFF A YAMAH AM IMMOREAL . BEARS AN INVISIONA MAN THE LEAGUE SEAN CONNERY OF EXTRADRDINARY GENTLEMEN THE POWER OF SEVEN BECOME A LEAGUE OF ONE — Source

1 Red Notice Put Everyone in the Black

Ryan Reynolds, Gal Gadot and Dwayne Johnson each got $20,000,000 for Red Notice, Netflix’s biggest title of 2021 that you absolutely don’t remember watching. Somehow it made sense for two sequels to be greenlit with everyone returning. Absurd.