15 Ludicrously Expensive Music Videos

Someone tell Axl he’s not making the next Lord of the Rings, please.
15 Ludicrously Expensive Music Videos

When music videos came along, they changed everything in the entertainment industry. Record companies spent huge amounts of money making promotional films for their releases, and TV stations would play them for free. The TV stations got content, the labels got to play four-minute ads endlessly, and everyone was a winner. New stations popped up broadcasting nothing but music videos — it all somehow worked for a while, boosting physical sales of albums and singles while costing the TV channels nothing.

It was an incredible time. Beavis and Butt-Head documents this era for millions of people perfectly — sitting on the couch in front of MTV for 12-hour stretches seemed like a perfectly legitimate way of spending a beautiful sunny day.

Eventually, of course, the wheels fell off it — the internet affected music sales, the spread of cable channels meant a fragmented audience that they couldn’t charge as much to advertise to and the relative monoculture that meant certain acts could guarantee to sell millions of records on day one, which easily justify spending movie-budget amounts of money on promotion, came to an end.

Then there was YouTube, of course, and big labels with big acts could still pump whopping amounts of money into videos, but at the same time, improved special effects and digital technology meant a few thousand dollars worth of equipment could lead to the same kind of results that would once have required completely absurd setups.

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‘Scream’ by Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson (1995): $7 Million Siblings

Directed by Mark Romanek and featuring an excellent sibling dance-off, this $7 million clip combined cutting-edge special effects with really, really shitty ones - the spaceship looks like a George Foreman grill. CRACKED

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‘Express Yourself’ by Madonna (1989): $5 Million Metropolis Homage

David Fincher's video cost a cool five mil, a lot of which seemed to go on building enormous fuckin' statues of eagles and shit, in nods to Fritz Lang's Metropolis. These largely went unnoticed due to Madonna being naked, chained up and lapping milk from a bowl. CRACKED

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‘Bedtime Story’ by Madonna (1995): $5 Million on Wigs

You'll have gathered by now, Madonna really, really liked spending money on music videos. Mark Romanek's $5 million surreal masterpiece featured innovative CGI, morphing landscapes, flying witch hats and Madonna in maybe 15 different wigs. CRACKED

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‘Black or White’ by Michael Jackson (1991): $4 Million on Morphing and Bic Mac

The morphing technology used in John Landis's $4 million epic was totally cutting-edge stuff at the time, which could probably be done fairly well on an iPhone these days. Plus, a cameo from Macaulay goddamn Culkin. CRACKED

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‘Estranged’ by Guns ‘ Roses (1994): $4 Million’s A Lot of Yacht

The nine-minute epic from Use Your Illusion II, Estranged came in at a cost of $4 million due in part to blowing up a fuckin' yacht. It's the third part of an unofficial trilogy after Don't Cry and November Rain, all of which absolutely rule. CRACKED

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‘Make Me Like You’ by Gwen Stefani (2016): $4 Million to Advertise Target

Being shot and broadcast live during the Grammys meant $8 million went on buying airtime - bankrolled by Target, who feature heavily - but the shitloads of space, rehearsals and stunt doubles required for Sophie Muller's ambitious-ass video also cost $4 million. CRACKED

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‘Cartoon Heroes’ by Aqua (1999): $3.5 Million, But Why?

Aqua did Barbie Girl, and as far as anyone is concerned, only Barbie Girl. That makes the inexplicable $3.5 million spent on the video directed by Tomáš Mašín for this absolutely forgettable Eurodance follow-up all the more mysterious. CRACKED

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‘Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle)’ by Limp Bizkit: $3.5 Million on Confusing Self-Satire

Limp Bizkit have always had a complicated relationship with irony - their $3.5 million video for Rollin', helmed by Fred Durst himself and shot atop the World Trade Center, is meant to be self-parody, but can you really spend millions satirizing your own excesses? CRACKED

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‘Victory’ by Puff Daddy & The Family (1998): $2.7 Million of Explosions and DeVito

Directed by Marcus Nispel, this $2.7 million video set in the year 3002 has explosions aplenty, cameos from Danny DeVito and Dennis Hopper, and a bit where Puff Daddy releases two doves from each hand in slow motion. Incredible. CRACKED

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‘2 Legit 2 Quit’ by MC Hammer (1991): $2.5 Million of Fire, Dancing and the Atlanta Falcons

James Brown, Eazy-E, Queen Latifah and, uh, Jim Belushi all show up in Rupert Wainwright's 15-minute epic, plus a who's-who of 1991 sports stars - Jose Canseco, Isiah Thomas, Wayne Gretzky, Deion Sanders and more. That's what $2.5 million gets you. CRACKED

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‘Heartbreaker’ by Mariah Carey (1999): $2.5 Million of Cartoons and Dancing

RE MENTS Directed by Brett Ratner and inspired by Grease and Enter the Dragon, this $2.5 million video pits Carey against herself, has a Powerpuff Girls-esque animated sequence and makes Jerry O'Connell tongue-kiss a dog. CRACKED

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‘Doesn’t Really Matter’ by Janet Jackson (2000): $2.5 Million and a Robot Dog

Taken from the soundtrack of Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, but going for a very different vibe, Joseph Kahn's $2.5 million video takes place in an anime-inspired future. Well, futuristic for 2000 - an AIBO robotic dog makes an appearance. CRACKED

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‘What’s It Gonna Be?!’ by Busta Rhymes and Janet Jackson (1999): $2 Million on CGI BDSM

The special effects in Hype Williams' $2 million video haven't really stood the test of time, but the double entendres, skintight costumes and bits where their tongues nearly touch have. CRACKED

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‘It’s All Coming Back to Me Now’ by Celine Dion (1996): $2.3 Million of Melodrama

Shot in Prague for $2.3 million by Nigel Dick, the video for It's All Coming Back to Me is a masterpiece of melodrama, all giant four-poster beds and transparent spectral lovers. There's a bit where it looks like a guy's head's fallen off that is very silly. CRACKED

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