15 Inventive But Ultimately Insane Things People Used to Believe About Babymaking

This Pliny the Elder fellow was a real menace.
15 Inventive But Ultimately Insane Things People Used to Believe About Babymaking

Really dumbassed species manage to figure out how to make babies. Like, a fly isn’t bright, but it somehow knows exactly what to do to make a baby fly — it has to, otherwise there’d be no flies.

People generally act like they know what they’re doing when it comes to making more people, but for a lot of human history, the understanding of what exactly was going on when Tab A placed Substance X in Orifice B was pretty sketchy. There was a lot of guessing, not a whole lot of talking to women and way too much of a “maybe if I rub some weird shit on my dick I’ll have more babies” kind of attitude.

Madness. Everyone knows how it works: Two people go in a closet and make a baby, then you see one of the babies and the baby looks at you.

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You Can Cure Impotence by Squishing a Crocodile

CRACKED Among other ancient Egyptian cures for impotence and erectile dysfunction was mashing up the hearts of baby crocodiles and rubbing them on your dick. That's a lot of things, but boner-inducingly hot isn't one that springs to mind.

Source / NBC 

Want to Prevent Pregnancy? Sneeze!

CRACKED Soranus, the ancient Greek physician that gave his name to the painful butthole, recommended sneezing after sex as a surefire method of preventing pregnancy, as it would send any expelled semen rocketing across the room.

Source / NBC 

You Can Slowly Build a Baby by LEGOing Jizz

CRACKED The Arapesh people of Papua New Guinea believed that babies were built over time and repeated sexual intercourse, with semen and menstrual blood slowly amassing and forming an infant body. That's a lot of jizz!

Source / Freepik 

Nothing Will Get You in the Mood Like Pig-Ball Wine

CRACKED A 15th-century treatment for infertility involves drying out a pig's testicles, grinding them and mixing them with wine, then drinking the resulting dirty nut cocktail for three days. If you aren't ovulating just at the thought, there's no hope.

Source / NY Post 

Water’s Breaking? Fetch the Goose Jizz!

CRACKED Goddamn it, Pliny the Elder. His suggestion for getting a difficult birth back on track involves drinking goose semen. Diluted, of course - he wasn't a maniac.

Source / NWF 

It’s All About That Sweet Spermy Stink

CRACKED One medieval theory went that the role of semen was to smell great and stimulate women into spontaneously becoming pregnant. It doesn't stand up to much experimentation, really, does it?

Source / iStock 

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