13 Celebrated Historical Figures Who Would Be Useless In Bed
Nobody’s good at everything. There are many, many geniuses who can barely catch a ball; exquisite dancers who can’t read for shit. History is laden with incredibly impressive figures who achieved colossal amounts but would be such, such bad lays. Some of them just found the whole idea icky, some felt like they operated on an intellectual level above such base needs and some just never got the chance to get any practice in. :(
It’s always worth remembering that genius takes many forms. There are libraries, museums and galleries filled with the work of people whose talents manifested in tangibly artistic ways, but the names of plenty of people who never touched a paintbrush but banged like a shithouse door have been lost to history. Here are men whose names will live on forever, but who would deliver you an absolutely terrible experience if, say, you were sharing a tent with them in a storm and got all horny.
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Sir Isaac Newton Had Bigger Things on His Mind Than Banging
Lewis Carroll Would Have His Doors Kicked in These Days
Pop Art Legend Andy Warhol Liked to Keep His Distance
Dom Pérignon Was Better at Making Wine Than Making People Moan
Immanuel Kant Was a Thinker, Not a Doer
Hans Christian Andersen Would Rather Keep His Hands to Himself
Antoni Gaudí Was Focused on Concrete Erections
Friedrich Nietzsche Declared God Dead. Also Dead? Nietzche’s Sex Life
Jorge Luis Borges Created Magic Realism While Banging Nobody
J.M. Barrie Created Neverland and Neverfucked
George Bernard Shaw’s Marriage Didn’t Have a Lot of Sex
Henry James Wrote ‘The Turn of the Screw’ But Hardly Ever… You Get It
Ludwig Van Beethoven’s Buds Needed to Take Him Aside and Have a Chat
