Sometimes, the truth is stranger than Photoshop.
O Canada! Even your anthem begins with a sigh of pity. Over the past two weeks I have watched your Olympic athletes wave from podiums, winning medals in moguls and speed skating but never in attractiveness.
As it happens, this naked high speed approach into antebellum America interrupted the afternoon promenade of a southern gentleman and his teenage sister. Whether it was your manner of dress, or the string of profanities you uttered as you skidded to a halt ass-first on their finely manicured lawn, your presence has greatly disturbed them.
Next time your balls are being tased by the police, blame it on books.
These are the global empires that only struck gold because fate forced them to at gunpoint.