Porn, Pizza and Awesome Roller Coasters: Vote Wolinsky In '08

HOMELAND SECURITY
We live in troubled times, and the war we are waging against terrorists abroad will be our legacy for generations to come. They hate us for our freedom, and they want to kill our pets and grandparents. It's no surprise that homeland security is on the minds of millions of Americans - we love our pets and grandparents. That's what America is all about.
THE ECONOMY
Following the recent meltdown on Wall Street, America's going to need a President with a sharp business sense while we put the pieces of our nation's economy back together. Barack Obama plans to invest in "infrastructure, energy independence, education, and research and development," while John McCain advocates a "pro-growth, pro-jobs strategy" to get our economy on the fast-track to recovery.
FLORIDA
Three words:HEALTHCARE
If energy costs are soaring, then healthcare costs are doing some other dramatic, air-related thing that escapes me at the moment. Americans cannot afford their doctor bills and insurance premiums; meanwhile the doctors and surgeons are zipping around the French Rivieria on diamond-encrusted yachts, reclining on deck with a diamond-encrusted glass of imported diamond juice in their hands, laughing maniacally, or possibly just laughing regularly at how ridiculous it is to do that.
THE SANCTITY OF LIFE
The sanctity of life is a very sensitive issue, one that must be approached delicately. Barack Obama has made it clear that he supports a woman's right to choose, while John McCain's website says that he is committed to "the protection of human dignity," which means he's against killing babies, I think.
AGRICULTURE
The plight of the American farmer is one of the great tragedies of our time. Barack Obama speaks of an agricultural agenda that will allow America's farmers to "create a new story for rural America," and John McCain wants to "expand access for U.S. agricultural producers to foreign markets," but Ross Wolinsky knows better than that; after all, he grew up in Chicago, a city not too far away from Iowa (where corn is grown). The problems facing America's farmers aren't rooted in corn subsidies or companies like Monsanto. The politicians would have you believe that fixing things requires a complicated solution, something involving lots of research and committees and big words nobody understands, but here's what the politicians don't want you to know: The problems facing America's farmers are as simple as apple pie coolin' on your grandma's windowsill.My name is Ross Wolinsky, and I approve this message.