Orlando Bloom Collides ... With His Internet Doppleganger!

October 15, 2007 Add Cracked to Google

I was a little taken aback when reading about Orlando Bloom's recent car accident:

Orlando Bloom was involved in a minor car crash on a Hollywood street early Friday morning, police said. The "Pirates of the Caribbean" star told police he was being chased by paparazzi as he left a nightclub around 2:15 a.m. in his 2003 Toyota Matrix.

Yarp, that's right. Orlando Bloom drives a 2003 Toyota Matrix. Pretty shocking. Not just because it's not exactly what you'd expect from Hollywood's favorite elf pirate, but because I drive a 2003 Matrix. It got me to thinking about all the things I have in common with Bloom. The similarities are pretty startling:

ORLANDO BLOOM	GLADSTONE
Owns 2003 Toyota Matrix	Owns 2003 Toyota Matrix
Portrayed Tolkien’s Master Archer Legolas Three Times	Saw Fellowship of the Ring Three Times
Moustache Makes Him Look Like A Dentist	I Have A Dentist
Had His Heart Ripped Out In Pirates of the Caribbean III	Lost 9 Bucks Seeing Pirates of the Caribbean III
Has Kissed Kiera Knightly On Film	Has Ejaculated While Watching Kiera Knightly on Film
7 Inches	More Like 8