Moby Dick'd Over

By:
Moby is fuming after a co-op board rejected his application to move into a 7.5 million dollar California Penthouse. The composer of South Side and other things I don't listen to told reporters:
"Co-op boards should be abolished. I just spent five months having a buyer's application rejected for no reason."
No reason? I find that very hard to believe. I mean, come on, things change. There was a time people thought it was cool to buy music they first heard in car commercials, but that time has passed. Indeed, I can think of several reasons Moby's application was rejected:
*Neighbors feared collateral damage to the building from a potential Moby/Eminem slap fight. *It became clear that former friends like Gwen Stefani and David Bowie actually didn't visit him very often. Or at all. *Moby left several significant sections of the application blank, opting to fill the space with mellow keyboard generated overtones instead of actual words. *There is a Michael J. Fox "You must be this tall to enter the Penthouse" sign at the entrance gate. *During the board interview, Moby responded to questions, repeatedly, in the sampled voice of an old dead black woman. *The Penthouse's music room is only 98.7% soundproof.

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