Jersey Bros, Phantom Time and Yet Another Open Call For Letters: The Friday Nooner (EST)!
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I pitched the executives at Animal Planet recently about a new reality show called "Raw Jersey." It would follow the travels of five gentlemen down the New Jersey shoreline in search of the finest girls, the most bumpin' clubs and the strongest hair gel that money can buy. It was gonna have it all: sex, drugs (rohypnol & steroids), partying... inexplicably, they turned it down. And they wonder why their ratings are in the shitter, right?
After that I tweaked the pitch for the Discovery Channel and changed the name to "DNA Files: Jersey Uncovered." I billed it as an edutainment program about how even though we're all different people, we all share the same DNA. It's amazing enough that chimps and humans share 99% of the same DNA, so I thought it would be even more striking that we, as normal human beings, share a whopping 100% of our DNA with these guys. Bafflingly enough, Discovery wasn't interested either.
Needless to say, VH1 wasn't too keen on "Behind The Douchebags." I guess I'm not cut out to work in television.
The Best Conspiracy Theories Ever Awesome Conspiracy #1: The Phantom Time Hypothesis
Nuts And Bolts: The Early Middle Ages (614-911 AD) never happened. It is currently the year 1710.
The Best Conspiracy Theories Ever Awesome Conspiracy #1: The Phantom Time Hypothesis

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