True Detective gets a lot of crap for having characters that speak in complicated, pseudo-philosophical riddles that have dumb answers. In a True Detective world, everyone's always on LSD, and saying "In order to achieve the purity of contentment, one must recapture the simple pleasure of suckling from a breast like a babe" is how wives ask husbands to pick up a gallon of milk on the way home.

The dialogue's overwrought, and sometimes its stupidity is inversely proportional to how smart it's trying to sound -- and that's why every Hollywood movie deserves a little bit of it. Every blockbuster would be improved by the ravings of an alcoholic sage with a few bullet wounds who's seen his fair share of cult orgies.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

THE FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE SEXES IS THAT ONE OF THEM CAN KILL THE OTHER WITH THEIR BARE HANDS. A MAN OF ANY SIZE LAYS HIS HANDS ON ME. HE'

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

MAY ASK, HOW MUCH DO YOU DRINK IN A WEEK? ALL I CAN. CRACKEDCOR

Jurassic World

13 Great Uses For Bad Dialogue From 'True Detective'

Inside Out

PAIN IS INEXHAUSTIBLE. IT'S ONLY PEOPLE THAT GET EXHAUSTED.

Avengers: Age Of Ultron

YOU MIGHT BE ONE OF THE LAST FRIENDS I GOT. WOULDN'T THAT BE FUCKED UP?

Magic Mike

SOMETIMES YOUR WORST SELF IS YOUR BEST SELFo CRACKEDG

Spectre

13 Great Uses For Bad Dialogue From 'True Detective'

Terminator Genisys

I SUPPORT FEMINISM. MOSTLY BY HAUING BODY IMAGE ISSUES CRACKED COM

Fantastic Four

13 Great Uses For Bad Dialogue From 'True Detective'

SpongeBob SquarePants

13 Great Uses For Bad Dialogue From 'True Detective'

Home

I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE OUT IN THE WORLD, MAN. HEY. LOOK OUT THAT WINDOW. LOOK AT ME. NOBODY DOES. CRACKEDCOR

Ant-Man

IF YOU EUER BULLY OR HURT ANYBODY. AGAIN, I'LL COME BACK AND BUTT-FUCK YOUR FATHERZ WITH YOUR MOM'S HEADLESS CORPSE ON THIS GODDAMN LAWN. CRACKEDco

The LEGO Movie

EVERYTHING IS FUCKING. CRACKEDcO

True Detective isn't the only perpetrator of overwrought dialogue. See how Zach Braff shoves symbolism so far down your throat in Garden State that you reflexively gag in The Top 5 Worst Lines Of Dialogue From Movies That Don't Actually Suck. And check out 5 Current TV Shows That Get More Praise Than They Deserve to understand why True Detective could never possibly live up to our expectations.

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