7 Real Suits That Will Soon Make the World A Cooler Place

The 2Suit
"Well...that was underwhelming."
Enter the 2suit. Created by the poet Vanna Bonta, or as she's better known, "that one lady from Beastmaster," the 2suit allows two weightless and impulsive adults to dock with one another as they drift through outer space. It features a Velcro panel on the front that opens and attaches to the suit of another presumably drunk astronaut. Even though the design lets two people stay in proximity long enough for the copulation to end and the shame to take hold, it doesn't account for flying starts, or even the most basic spin maneuvers, which seem to be the primary motivations for space sex. Still, the technology is nascent and humanity is holding out hope for amendments to the original design, perhaps even a 3suit or a human centipede suit in the near future.Now, back to Beastmaster because I inadvertently charged over that nugget of information earlier. The designer of the 2suit is the actress who played Zed's wife in Beastmaster, and who is currently playing my favorite inventor. I don't know why there is an emerging trend among
Beat that, Tin Cup.
The Metaflex Suit
"Now you're just being a dick."
While most great powers come with great responsibilities, the power of invisibility isn't one of them. In fact, shirking responsibility is sort of the point of owning an invisibility suit in the first place.The XOS 2 Robotics Suit (Exoskeleton)
"No shower today, ladies. Someone punched a giant hole in the wall."
It's powered by hydraulics and has a 17:1 strength ratio which I imagine means something impressive to people who understand math. What's most amazing, however, is that the XOS 2 allows the wearer to control the amount of force exerted, the same way muscles in a human body work, something fairly complicated to replicate in a machine. To put the intelligent design of the suit into perspective, Ripley could have used it to pound an alien's body into its own tiny mouth and still offered Newt a reassuring pat on the head without ever taking off this power lifter. As far as real-world application is concerned, it seems best suited for bending rebar into eagles and throwing big rocks into a lake, two things that could make me a real hit at construction sites or on camping trips.The Trojan Ballistics Suit
The Dolce & Gabbana Steel Grey Pinstriped Suit
The XscapeSafe Suit
Seems common.
The one downfall is that the process of getting it on seems time-consuming, especially considering that you're burning precious seconds better spent crawling to safety. Once I own the XscapeSafe suit, I intend to wear it under my everyday clothes in anticipation of electrical and grease fires. I'm looking for an opportunity both to demonstrate my heroism by pulling people to safety, but also to get a legitimate shot at fulfilling a lifelong dream of punching out a fire.The Cyber Sex Suit
"Before you get started, we'd like you to put on this fire suit."
Still, technology has come a long way since the sex suit was discontinued in 2000, and I am holding out hope that the idea was just before its time. I'm adding this suit to the collection for what it has the potential to be and for its pioneering spirit. Also, I take a lot of road trips and I'm hoping there's some kind of car adaptor.