I'm Learning About Life!
There are some people who call it "funemployment." Granted, they have trust funds, but they also have a point - when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. And don't forget to eat the peel, as it will prevent scurvy. But seriously, that instance of levity aside, experience is a jaunty tale told by old, seeping wounds. And I've learned a lot about myself and the world we live in. I've learned that hard work is a reward that can't be sold on eBay. I've learned how to beg, because you can't eat integrity. That God doesn't answer prayers, as he's an aloof prick. I've learned that if you miss one little payment with a loan shark, its interest plus the principle. I've learned that email links to job postings rout directly to desktop trashcans. That your entire life can fit on a one page resume.
And that page fits in the trash.
I've also learned the following: Happy Hour is actually Sad Hour. Talking to roaches blunts loneliness. I will probably have to name my first born Visa Mastercard DeVore. Apparently, it actually takes skills to operate a deep fry vat. On Facebook, no one can hear you scream. Money can't buy you happiness but it can buy you things that will keep you alive. I've learned that The Road Warrior was a documentary. It's amazing the lies you'll tell family for money. And finally, I've learned that if you work hard, and keep that chin up, you can aspire to solvency. See? I'm doing great. Can I borrow twenty dollars?
John DeVore has written alleged humor for such places as Comedycentral.com, Maxim Magazine, Playboy.com, and the award-winning political satire Whitehouse.org. Follow his preening narcissism at Twitter.com/johndevore.