David Cross Says Playing Riyadh Comedy Festival Even Worse Than Doing ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks’

“Holy shit, I remember the backlash I got for appearing in Alvin and the Chipmunks,” David Cross recalled on his website this week. “You would’ve thought that I had taken money from a bunch of people responsible for funding Al Qaeda!”

Add Cross to the growing chorus of comics condemning their fellow funny people for accepting big money to play the Riyadh Comedy Festival, an event widely viewed as the Saudi government's attempt to gloss over human rights abuses. While comics from Marc Maron to Zach Woods to Atsuko Okatsuka have leveled their criticisms, Cross got out the blowtorch.

“I am disgusted, and deeply disappointed in this whole gross thing,” Cross said about the event (after admitting he wasn’t invited to the party). “That people I admire, with unarguable talent, would condone this totalitarian fiefdom for… what, a fourth house? A boat? More sneakers?”

The whole thing stings ever worse, Cross argued, because many of the comedians playing the festival are personal heroes. “My god, Dave (Chappelle) and Louie (C.K.) and Bill (Burr), and Jim (Gaffigan? Jefferies?),” he called out. “Clearly you guys don’t give a shit about what the rest of us think, but how can any of us take any of you seriously ever again? All of your bitching about ‘cancel culture’ and ‘freedom of speech’ and all that shit? Done. You don’t get to talk about it ever again. By now we’ve all seen the contract you had to sign.”

Oh yeah, that contract. While some comics have claimed that the festival won’t censor their jokes, Okatsuka revealed the terms of the contract she refused to sign. Comedians had to agree not to “degrade, defame or bring into public disrepute, contempt, scandal, embarrassment or ridicule” pretty much everyone involved in the festival, including the Saudi royal family, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, its legal system, its government or religious practices of any kind.

That eliminates any “So — where are you from?” crowdwork.

Cross noted that several Riyadh comedians are permanent residents of the “You can’t say anything anymore!” camp. “We can never again take seriously anything these comedians complain about (unless it’s complaining that we don’t support enough torture and mass executions of journalists and LGBQT peace activists here in the states, or that we don’t terrorize enough Americans by flying planes into our buildings),” he wrote.

Performing at the Riyadh festival is a de facto endorsement. “You’re cool with murder and/or the public caning of women who were raped, and by having the audacity to be raped, were guilty of ‘engaging in adultery’?” Cross wrote. “Got any bits on that?”

Cross challenged comics to open their sets with a dedication to “all of the widows and widowers and kids orphaned by this bloodthirsty oppressive regime.” 

It’s unlikely anyone is taking him up on the suggestion. 

One of the most challenging things for Cross to understand is how extremely wealthy comedians still feel the need to cash a big check, regardless of its origin. Poor comics who are trying to provide for their families? “Still not acceptable, but I can understand the desperation to put food on the table.”

For comedians with millions in the bank, however, there’s no excuse. “It’s not like this is some commercial for a wireless service or a betting app,” Cross wrote. “This is truly the definition of ‘blood money.’”