The 6 Dumbest Things Said By Popes

Sometimes it’s not all brain under that big hat
The 6 Dumbest Things Said By Popes

Its my understanding, at least from movies and TV shows, that religious men are meant to be fonts of excellent advice. So, in our world, the Pope himself, the head honcho of Catholic priests everywhere, is considered to be nothing but a distributor of the worlds finest, wisest advice — at least in theory. 

The problem is, of course, that the world has gotten a whole lot more complicated and secular at the same time, meaning that they often have to weigh in on questions beyond “Is Jesus the greatest guy of all time?” Thats led to some stumbles, mostly around topics that, when all is said and done, probably werent going to be solved by the Pope in the first place.

To that end, here are seven thoroughly dumb Pope quotes…

Pope Francis Encouraging Ukraine to Surrender

Casa Rosada

“Those mics better be recording because Im about to dish out a holy doozy.”

The most recent hat-in-mouth moment came from the current Pope, Pope Francis. While discussing the ongoing war between Ukraine and Russia, he, instead of sticking to platitudes about the evils of war and men, instead gave direct advice to Ukraine: give up. Hmm. He still couched it in words that were supposed to make it sound thoughtful, like saying that there was courage in raising a white flag, but it all felt a little side-choosey for the leader of the Catholic Church.

Pope Francis on Gay Adoption

Again, you’d think that the act of adoption, regardless of the details, should be something celebrated wholeheartedly. To take on a child without parents and to dedicate your life (and so, so much money) to raising them yourself is an incredibly selfless act. After all, that kid could decide to go to art school, or pursue stand-up comedy. And yet, Pope Francis, whose history of statements on gay marriage are old-fashioned to say the least, apparently said in 2010 that gay adoption is a form of discrimination against children. Even though he’s somewhat changed his tune since, this was both offensive and confusing, since “welcoming someone into your family for the rest of their life” is a really weird way to discriminate against them.

Pope Benedict Saying Condoms Will Make AIDS Worse


If youre having trouble naming your Popes, hes the one who looks like Emperor Palpatine.

Welcome to the Pope Benedict portion of our show, which contains plenty of material to raise an eyebrow at. One of his weirdest utterances was his claim, when talking about the HIV and AIDS epidemic in Africa, that condoms would make it worse. Now, the Catholic Church has a tenuous relationship with contraception, but we’re getting into chemical properties here, not biblical purity. He said it was a tragedy that couldn't be overcome by “the distribution of condoms, which even aggravates the problems.” Feel free not to elaborate! He also said that “the traditional teaching of the church has proven to be the only failsafe way to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS.” Something that is easily disproven with a one-person brief study.

Pope Benedict Quotes Someone Calling Islam A Religion of Violence

Well, sure, this one isn’t enough to get you kicked off half the major news channels anymore, but for anyone that’s ever researched the other side of a single issue, they should know how stupid this is. You could argue that they weren’t originally his words, but they were words he chose to repeat, to a crowd, without so much as the tiniest bit of editing. The quote in question, from a 14th century Christian emperor, people known for both their compassion and open minds, was this: “Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.” 

Even if we brush right over the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church criticizing spreading faith by sword (Crusades much?), you have to realize that calling another religion “evil and inhumane” is not a viable path to any sort of peace.

Pope Benedict on the Sexual Abuse Scandal Being A “Planned Campaign”

Hooooo buddy. This might be the easiest question anyone’s ever been asked, as long as their brain is in full operation: “Do you think that the Catholic Church’s scandal of child sexual abuse was bad?” Dress it up any way you want, but all you have to do here is say “yes, very” and then, (and here’s the important part) shut up. What I wouldn’t do is follow up an admittance of guilt with an accusation that the “constant presence in the press of the sins of Catholic priests, especially in the United States, is a planned campaign.” 

Yeah man, I think it keeps making the news because it’s possibly one of the most horrific bits of news in recent memory, not because you pissed off some Washington Post reporter. Also: It happened. So I’d lean more into apologies than trying to debate how much people are allowed to talk about it.

Pope Boniface VIII on Pedophilia

Public Domain

Gather the people! Im about to say the worst things anyones ever heard!

Benedict can at least rest easy knowing that he doesn’t have the worst quote related to child sex abuse among Popes. That unfortunately belongs to Pope Boniface VIII, a less-than-popular pope, who even earned a place in the eighth circle of hell in Dante’s Inferno. He famously stated that sleeping with boys was nothing more offensive than “rubbing one hand against the other.” I would argue that the kid sex thing is, in fact, on a whole different level, but do you, dead shitty Pope!

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