3 Brutal Truths About the Plastic Surgery Industry

George Clooney gets his balls ironed. That’s the least of your worries
3 Brutal Truths About the Plastic Surgery Industry

We regret to inform you that the doctors charging exorbitant prices to play Mr. Potato Head with your ass every few months for the rest of your life may not have your best interests at heart. Don’t get us wrong — cosmetic surgery isn’t all about vanity. Correcting deviated septums, alleviating chronic jaw pain and a little post-pregnancy abdominal tune-up are all procedures that can dramatically improve a person’s quality of life. After all, the discipline has its roots in allowing victims of war crimes to move freely in polite society.

But the reality is that most people who go ham on their honkers and donkers today do it because they want to look hotter. Thanks to advances in technology, the rise of social media and a little thing called “medical tourism,” it’s never been more accessible — and the booming cosmetic-surgery industry stands to gain from your insecurity.

Here are three hard truths you should know about getting work done…

Business Has Doubled Since the Pandemic Began

The American Society of Plastic Surgeons says that, once facilities were able to accept patients again, they saw a massive influx of people trying to fix up a very specific region of their body — from the neck on up. We’ve all spent upwards of three years staring at our own ugly mugs in Zoom meetings; aside from likely having less-than-optimal lighting and equipment, we’re also watching ourselves age in real time. We as a society are getting swept away by a perfect storm of vanity and boredom.

Animal Plastic Surgery Is Alarmingly Legal

“Tail docking” has been a common, if controversial, practice on some dog breeds for a long time. But there are more frivolous and invasive trends among modern pet owners: cat tattoos, dog facelifts, nipple augmentation… They even make truck nuts for dogs now. Seriously! You can get false testicles implanted into your dog’s floppy scrote after getting him neutered. The most high-profile case of animal plastic surgery gone wrong is probably Saudi Arabia's 2021 camel beauty contest, wherein 40 contestants (camels) were disqualified for getting Botox injections in their humps.

George Clooney Gets His Beanbag Ironed

There’s nothing morally wrong with this, of course. And by all accounts, it’s quite a sight to behold! We just thought you should know. Back in 2013, Clooney made an offhand comment to an Italian magazine that will outlive us all. When asked if he got any work done on his face, he responded, “I never fixed my eyes, but I spent more money to stretch the skin of my testicles. I did not like the wrinkles. It’s a new technique, many people in Hollywood have done it. It’s called ‘ball ironing.'”

Watch “If Plastic Surgeons Were Honest” to learn more about the history of cosmetic surgery, the modern technology and state-of-the-art procedures available today and the moral conundrums that are arising because of them. 

It’s the latest edition of our long-running series, Honest Ads, where our own Roger Horton tears apart the industries and products that run — and ruin — our lives, from the inside out. Watch Roger take on everything from comic book movies, to home buying, to the entire American health-care system.

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