20 Nick Kroll Quotes To Get You Through The Day

"Lunch is usually something cool like a cigarette."
20 Nick Kroll Quotes To Get You Through The Day

Nick Kroll has put his time in on creating some memorable quotes from his countless characters on Kroll Show, his work on The League, Big Mouth, Parks & Rec, Oh Hello and countless other projects. Let's take a stroll down memory lane and remember some of the best lines from one of comedy's heaviest hitters.

A Typical European Lunch

“Lunch is usually something cool like cigarette, two-three bottle of red wine and then like a bowl of heavy cream.”

- A European: Kroll Show

Steel Magnolias

Oh Hello


“This right here, this is the actual set from the 2005 revival of Steel Magnolias mounted right here at the Lyceum Theater. Steel Magnolias, first a play, then a movie, then again, a play. The Broadway equivalent of moving back in with your parents.”

- Gil Faizon: Oh Hello On Broadway

Ruxin’s Troll Face

Ruxin The League


“She looks like she belongs on a beer poster, and I look like the guy who makes you answer riddles before you cross a bridge.”

- Ruxin: The League

Orpah Winfrey

Big Liz Kroll Show

Comedy Central

“Orpah Winfrey said no!? “

- Big Liz: Kroll Show

A Cuddle And A String Cheese

"We should like totally cuddle after I get a string cheese from the garage"

- Lola Skumpy: Big Mouth

Mom Threw Away My Gift Certificate

C-Czar kroll Show

Comedy Central

“I don’t know what my actual birthday is because my mom threw away my gift certificate.”

- C-Czar: Kroll Show

Ruxin’s Defenses

“My defenses are looking weaker than a drunk single girl in her thirties at her little sister's wedding.”

- Ruxin: The League

I’m Going To Do Sex On A Lady

Coach Steve


"I'm going to do sex on a lady, and a lady is going to do sex on me." 

- Coach Steve: Big Mouth

Volcano Head

“In college, my nickname was volcano head because I would suck guys off and they would just erupt.”

- Big Liz: Kroll Show

A Date With Intercourse

“I guess I’ve got a date… A date with intercourse.”

- Bryan LaCroix: Kroll Show

My Oral Office

“I’m gonna turn my mayoral office into my ‘oral’ office. Boom! Thought of it a second ago, had to pop back in.”

- The Douche: Parks & Recreation

The Crab Cab Game Show

“If you answer this question correctly this crab could be yours.”

- Fabrice Frabrice: Kroll Show

Big Liz Gets Personal With Pretty Liz

“I’m trying to imagine the different guys who have probably on your stomach that you would then scoop that into your vagina, like using a piece of paper.”

- Big Liz: Kroll Show

Rudy Giuliani

Oh Hello on broadway


“But Rudy Giuliani, he truly was the hero of 9-11 because no one else was mayor that day.”

- Gil Faizon: Oh Hello On Broadway

A Squid In My Exit

“I went to Nurse Teacher and put a squid in my exit, so I’m good to go.”

- Bryan LaCroix: Kroll Show

A Test Message

“OK shut up. I just got a test message.”

- Bobby Bottleservice: Kroll Show

Mall Of America After A Snowstorm

“Gina's gotten plenty of satisfaction. Have you seen Adrian Peterson? That dude is plowing her like the Mall of America parking lot after a snowstorm.”

- Ruxin: The League

They’re In Aisle Me

The Douche Parks and Rec


"I used my classic pickup line, ‘If you’re looking for douches they’re in aisle me.'”

- The Douche: Parks & Recreation

Poop At Home

Maury The Hormone Monster


“We hate camp. It stinks like trees. And the boy only likes to poop at home.”

- Maury The Hormone Monster: Big Mouth

Gil Get’s Mercury Poisoning

Doctor: “You’ve been eating three meals of tuna fish a day?”

Gil: “You gotta eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, don’t you?”

- Gil Faizon: Kroll Show

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Top Image: FX

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