In 2009, Nicolas Cage sued his business manager for being so bad at managing business that he was left in deep debt, ushering in the Cagessance of batshit projects and performances that defined an era as he scrambled to earn money however he could. He can’t say he wasn’t at least a little complicit in his financial downfall, though. Not unless his manager was also a devil who appeared on his shoulder every time he opened his wallet to whisper, “Do it. Be a legend.”

Nine Rolls Royce

At this point, he’s just doing the Twelve Days of Christmas. In an apparent attempt to outdo his Gone in 60 Seconds character, Cage has owned more than 50 (probably legally purchased) classic cars, including nine Rolls Royces (Royce? Rice?), and 30 motorcycles.

Nine-Foot Pyramid-Shaped Burial Tomb

Cage's tomb

(Nelo Hotsuma/Flickr)

In 2010, well after his financial troubles became public knowledge, Cage kept the good times rolling by paying around $50,000 for the last two plots in a famous New Orleans cemetery and then building a nine-foot pyramid-shaped tomb on top of it for unknown reasons. Regeneration chamber? Undoing a voodoo curse? Just a nice place to spend eternity? Probably that last one.

Two Venomous Cobras

King cobra

(Michael Allen Smith/Wikimedia Commons)

He also paid $276,000 for a pair of king cobras, which you’d think would be super chill, right? What objection to being your friendly Disney sidekick could something with “king” in the name possibly have? Nevertheless, Cage was dismayed to find the cobras constantly tried to attack him, and then his neighbors got pretty upset when he told the story on Letterman and found out there were freaking cobras next door, so he had to give them up.

The First Superman Comic

First Superman comic

(Gary Dunaier/Wikimedia Commons)

Cage is known to be such a big Superman fan that he named his unfortunate son Kal-El, so when he got the opportunity to buy a pristine copy of the first Superman comic in 1995, he probably just started throwing down Benjamins until someone told him to stop. He ended up paying $150,000, which must have stung when it was stolen from his house in 2000, but he sold it for more than $2 million in 2011 after it was recovered from a Southern California storage locker, so he considers it a “good investment.”

Meteorite

Cage paid $25,000 for a “famous” Martian meteorite that turned out to be a bit of a disappointment after 1) scientists determined it did not, in fact, prove life on Mars, as previously believed, and 2) it was stolen. Well, he thinks it might have been stolen. You know how it is: Sometimes, you just misplace a rock that could pay off your student loans.

A (Stolen) Dinosaur Skull

Dinosaur skull

(Nelson Ricardo/Unsplash)

Undoubtedly the most awesome way Nicolas Cage blew his money was on a Tyrannosaurus skull that he paid $276,000 for at auction just before his empire came crumbling down. Unfortunately, he had to give it back a few years later, as it turned out it had been stolen from the people of Mongolia, but he reportedly outbid Leonardo DiCaprio for it, so at least he stopped him from enjoying it. That guy has enough.

Top image: Nicolas Genin/Wikimedia Commons

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