I want you to brace yourselves because if you're not already privy to the knowledge that I'm about to hit you with, then it might destroy the very fiber of your being. Ready? Here it is: Boneless wings are not wings. Is everyone still breathing? Is everyone's underwear still intact? Okay, because it's true. Boneless wings are not made of wing meat or even dark meat. They're just reject chicken tenders under a sinister rebranding, and they are usually made with breast meat.
The reason this charade is allowed to go on, of course, boils down (or fries down if you prefer) to money. The cost of chicken wings has risen in recent years, making it somewhat of a premium item -- the prime rib of the chicken if you will. Labeling a chicken nugget, which is essentially what these are, as a wing allows chains like Wingstop and Buffalo Wild Wings to sell more and seem like they're cutting the customer a deal. Wingstop CEO Charlie Morrison even admitted to this saying, "It's a little less expensive for us and so we try to provide a value to our consumers for the boneless."
Fortunately, one brave hero has stood up the tyranny of misleading advertising in the food industry, and they have done so at a Lincoln, Nebraska City council meeting. And it is glorious:
That is Nebraska citizen Anders Christensen and fighting the good fight and suggesting that these "boneless wings" be renamed to "wet tenders," or "saucy nugs," or "trash." For that, we salute him, but he's also inspired us to question what other ways food has been lying to us. Grape-nuts, for example, contain neither grapes nor nuts (just disappointment in every shitty bite). The vast majority of wasabi found in the United States is just a mixture of horseradish, mustard, and green dye. This is probably not how Keebler cookies are actually made:
But it's hard to be sure. That's why we're following Christensen's lead and demanding that restaurants be transparent with what we're eating down to the letter. In the meantime, if it doesn't come on a bone, then we're not trusting it.
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