Empires of Crap - Billy Bowles: Teen Prince Of Florida

Imagine if a person tried to live their dreams only to discover that they actually were a charismatic leader, a talented pirate, and a surprisingly good escape artist. That's the story of Willam Augustus Bowles, aspiring King of Florida, who lived one of the coolest lives of the 18th century before his own delusions of grandeur ate him alive ...

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A lot of us are feeling increasingly crazed and anxious, but good news: you can get your hands on some one-of-a-kind props from ... well, some of the craziest and most anxiety-inducing movies of recent memory. A24, the studio behind the Oscar-winning Moonlight and the decidedly not Oscar-winning Under the Silver Lake, is auctioning off a bunch of junk from some of their most acclaimed films. And this couldn't come at a better time.

For instance, if you're self-isolating with an irritating roommate, while pent-up sexual frustration propels you to realms of madness you never thought possible, you might want to check out what items are available from The Lighthouse. With a quick bid, you could be the proud new owner of Robert Pattinson's wooden mermaid figurine, as seen in some of the most existentially-depressing masturbation scenes ever committed to celluloid.

Buy Yourself Some Props From Recent Anxiety-Inducing Movies

Or you could pick up the May Queen costume from Ari Aster's horror movie/relationship drama Midsommar -- perfect if you're quarantining with a significant other and things aren't going so well. We don't want to spoil how the movie ends, but let's just say it doesn't flash forward to the central couple celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary at an Olive Garden.

Buy Yourself Some Props From Recent Anxiety-Inducing Movies

Or how about a jewel-encrusted Furby from Uncut Gems? It's the film that made audiences uncomfortable watching an Adam Sandler movie but in a good way, not the Jack and Jill way.

Buy Yourself Some Props From Recent Anxiety-Inducing Movies

And it's all for a good cause. According to A24, "100% of each auction's proceeds will benefit four charities helping New York's hardest-hit communities and frontline workers." So you'd actually be making the world a better place by buying that Swedish murder mallet.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter!

Top Image: A24

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