You can blame 2008's Iron Man for making you wonder if there's a post-credits scene in Call Me By Your Name. The movie industry changed dramatically when Sam Jackson appeared out of the shadows to tell Tony Stark about the Avengers Initiative. From that one line sprung dozens of movies, hundreds of episodes of TV, and put a few much-needed dollars in the pockets of a little impoverished multinational conglomerate called Disney.
Marvel's movie daddy, Kevin Feige, revealed an alternate take of that iconic post-credits scene at the recent Saturn Awards ceremony. In this version, Fury doesn't stop at name-checking the Avengers. He goes for broke, rattling off blatant hints about fan-favorite characters ... most of whom Marvel didn't even have the screen rights for at the time.
Here's the line:
"As if gamma accidents, radioactive bug bites, and assorted mutants weren't enough, I have to deal with a spoiled brat who doesn't play well with others and wants to keep all his toys to himself."
Having Spider-Man and the X-Men under one banner was a dream that wouldn't come to fruition for about another decade. And even then, they'd only have them both for like eight minutes before Sony broke the unwritten "No takesies backsies" rule that governs corporate America.
Marvel was pinning their hopes and dreams on a vision board, so that maybe one day they could have all of their flagship characters represented in a movie series so long that it's nearly impenetrable to newcomers. The worst part about the line is that it wasn't fan-servicey enough. Had every single person on that crew not been a COMPLETE HACK and a COWARD, it would have gone like this:
"As if gamma accidents, radioactive bug bites, assorted mutants, blind lawyers, lady gamma lawyers, whitebread super soldiers, hammer gods, meta assassins beloved by the Hot Topic crowd, ghost motorcycles, fist ninjas, a mass shooter but the good kind I guess, genocidal Uri Geller, schizophrenic Batman, space ducks, a rock man, a fire man, a water man, a wind lady, the world's first cool magician, black vampires, and a stretchy man who theoretically can make his peen bigger on command weren't enough ..."
Only then would we have gotten the perfect setup for the MCU to come! Missed opportunities abound!
For more, check out Forget Animals, Get An Emotional Support Clown Instead and R.I.P. MoviePass, You Were Too Dumb To Live.
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