Everything's more hardcore in Alaska. Instead of bears, they have grizzly bears and polar bears. Instead of long winter nights, they have one long winter night, period. And instead of raining cats and dogs, it rains ancient abominations from the depths of the ocean. And that's not a saying.
Alaska Department of Fish and GameSay what now?
Back in June 2015, Fairbanks thrift store manager Sue Valdrow had a day she won't forget anytime soon. In what had to be the most exciting morning in the history of secondhand retail, "Two gentleman [sic] came in and asked if we have a bucket with water because there's an eel in [the] parking lot," Valdrow recalled. But instead of finding an eel, employees caught a live lamprey, a jawless vampire fish that hasn't changed much since the prehistoric age.
Alaska Department of Fish and GameWell this sucks.
And because one fish out of water isn't crazy enough, officials said they'd received three more reports of lampreys falling from the sky around Fairbanks, one of which landed in a guy's yard. According to ADFG sport fish information officer Nancy Sisinyak, the likely culprits leaving these things around town are gulls, which hunt the toothy horrors in the Chena River and likely dropped their catches on the way back to their nests. Because in Alaska, even the gulls are more hardcore.
A Giant Package Of Marijuana
When you hear a loud boom in the middle of the night, it could mean a lot of things: a thunderclap, a gas explosion, old man Stevenson having another musket-related incident. Where your mind probably doesn't go is to a giant brick of drugs crashing through your roof.
Yet this happened to Bill and Maya Donnelly of Nogales, Arizona. In September 2015, the couple was awakened by a loud crash. Figuring it must be a thunderstorm, they went back to sleep. They only realized they had been wrong the next morning, when they found a massive hole in the roof of their carport -- oh, and 26 pounds of marijuana underneath it.
Turns out they had gotten a visit by Sativa Claus, who'd left $10,000 worth of grade-A kush. While weed packages randomly descending from the heavens and landing in your house might not sound so bad, its landing caused "chronic" damage not only to their carport roof, but also to their beloved doghouse. All in all, the unexpected dope delivery cost them about $500 in repairs, not counting their dog's rehab costs.
Nogales Police DepartmentThe dog is fine; he's at White Castle.