And because one fish out of water isn't crazy enough, officials said they'd received three more reports of lampreys falling from the sky around Fairbanks, one of which landed in a guy's yard. According to ADFG sport fish information officer Nancy Sisinyak, the likely culprits leaving these things around town are gulls, which hunt the toothy horrors in the Chena River and likely dropped their catches on the way back to their nests. Because in Alaska, even the gulls are more hardcore.

Police quickly figured that the bundle probably fell from a smuggler's airplane on its way to the U.S. from Mexico. It's not atypical for drug drops to happen in border towns like Nogales, though they usually land in the outskirts near the desert instead of mortar-bombing a pooch palace. Obviously, someone up high was getting even higher on their own supply.

Lacking any better explanation for the shitstorm, guests looked up flight paths and determined there were several planes in the air at the time of the bombing run, and any one of them could have been the literal party pooper. While airplanes are legally required to dispose of waste only while in airports, it sure looks like one didn't give a crap about that particular regulation. Regardless of the hows and whys, remember that your next backyard barbecue is one rogue plane away from being a turdfest.

Witnesses said that some of the apples were "large, like cooking apples," and were "crushed, as though they'd fallen from a great height." However, nobody could explain how or why Keresley was unexpectedly shelled by apples. Of course, that hasn't stopped some fairly epic speculation on the part of its residents. There have been sensible theories, like the popular fell-out-of-a-plane one, or meteorologists figuring a small but powerful tornado could have been behind the blitz.

But then there was another citizen who suggested there may have been sinister forces at work, saying, "Strange things do happen in this part of the world ... We're in an area with a spooky history, where there have been witches for centuries, after all." So these were some kind of unholy apples? Ghost apples, even? In short, in Keresley, opinions are like apples -- nonsensical and flying all over the place.

In February 2018, a street cleaner working near London's Kew Gardens was quietly doing his job when a block of ice dropped out of the clear blue sky and missed him by only a couple feet. In March 2016, a football-sized chunk of ice crash-landed at a car dealership, shattering the windshield of a parked Kia Soul. And in November 2017, a slab of ice tore through the roof of a Chino, California home and landed in an upstairs bathtub. There are more examples, but you get the picture: The sky is falling.

While nobody's really positive where all these ice missiles are coming from, the general consensus is that they must be falling off airplanes. It's not uncommon for planes at a high enough altitude to build up small pockets of ice, which are almost as dangerous for the plane itself as it is for the poor suckers on the ground who have to dodge the glacial missiles. Fortunately, the odds are excellent that you'll never be hit -- or even nearly hit -- by an ice spike falling from the sky. Then again, they're the same odds those poor bastards had.

But if there's a frozen torpedo with your name on it, you'll probably hear it before it hits you. A witness said the one in Kew Gardens "made such a loud noise -- like a meteorite crashing down," and while we've never heard a meteorite, we'll go ahead and take his word for it. Employees at the car dealership said their chunk "made that noise you hear from the fireworks that spin," while the poor woman in Chino whose bathtub got bombed said she thought there was "an explosion." So like an actual bomb dropped from an airplane. Remind us again how United Airlines isn't violating the Geneva Convention with these things?

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