The Hilariously Dumb Origin Of The DC Movies' New Villain
Last week, it was announced that the main villain of the forthcoming DCEU movie Birds Of Prey -- which stars the all-female superhero team of Black Canary, Huntress, Cassandra Cain, Renee Montoya, and Harley Quinn -- will be Black Mask. This is great news for comic fans, because it finally gives us a shot at seeing Black Mask's dumbass origin story play out on the big screen. Before Black Mask was Black Mask, see, he was Roman Sionis, heir apparent to a billion-dollar cosmetics company and victim of the world's clumsiest birthing doctor.
This sets off a lifelong hatred of masks, or at least whatever he pretentiously thinks of as masks. When his parents smile around guests, he refers to them as wearing "masks." When he gets told to smile during his family's vacation and just can't, he describes himself as "being unable to force a mask." If the internet had existed at the time this comics was written, he'd have been drawn sitting at his computer listening to Papa Roach and unironically calling people "sheeple" because he's just so deep, you guys.
This fixation on masks eventually comes back to bite him when, in the midst of an emo-esque mood swing, he tries to befriend a raccoon ("also trapped in a lifelong mask") and gets savaged, which results in him taking a trip down to hallucination town.
Roman survives and grows up to inherit his father's cosmetics company -- and immediately tanks the operation by launching a range of makeup inspired by Cyndi Lauper and Boy George:
In a desperate effort to turn the company around, he then launches a line of makeup that burns people's faces off.
His "losing face" causes him to fall into a psychotic rage that ends with him fashioning a black mask from his father's casket and setting up a criminal organization headquartered inside the crypt, whereupon he starts dressing like a 1930s gangster for reasons that aren't adequately explained.
We don't know about everyone else, but sending five superheroes to whoop his ass might be overkill. Is there any way that DC could just borrow Squirrel Girl?
Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page.
Follow us on Facebook, see?