4 Hilarious Side Effects Of Living Next To Businesses

As it turns out, if you live within about 15 miles of a base, you really shouldn't bank on your garage door opener working very often. In 2013, some 500 Georgia homeowners near Fort Gordon found themselves frantically clicking a remote like their TV had gotten stuck on Bravo. Since 2011, the same thing has started happening all over the country, including to residents of Norfolk, Virginia, Puget Sound, and Orange County, California, to name a few. Still, of all the excuses to be late for work, not being able to get out of your garage because the biggest army in the world won't let you is one of the better ones.

Ken Kively/The Los Angeles Times"Oh God of War, please accept this token of my humility and allow me to go to my budget meeting."

What's causing the problem? Radio waves. Since World War II, the 380-399.9 megahertz range has been reserved by the Department of Defense for military communications. However, the frequencies were so infrequently used that some garage door manufacturers started "borrowing" that band without the military ever noticing. This changed when bases started switching to the relatively new Enterprise Land Mobile Radio System, creating a lot of interference on these channels and, as a result, a lot of dented cars. Military base neighbors wanting smooth garage action can buy a $60 device that changes their frequency, while others get to deal with the military randomly revoking their driving privileges. Fortunately, since the military doesn't use the frequency for anything super-duper top secret, you're not going to accidentally launch any nukes by pressing the button for your garage ... probably.

In fact, it had gotten so bad that the tenants lodged multiple complaints with the Department of Buildings in hopes of ridding themselves of bacon once and for all. How much beef could these people possibly have with pork? Quite a bit. According to one resident, the smell can be so overwhelming that it "clouds her thinking." She added, "I just imagine it: a film of crap on my furniture, on my rugs, on my walls ... Is it in my hair? Do I smell like IHOP now?" Unfortunately, after their initial salvo against city hall, the story simply disappeared, and the 14th Street IHOP has been filling the skies with greasy smells without an end in sight. It just goes to show, you can't fight Big Bacon.

If you're a whiskey enthusiast, you've probably heard of the so-called "angel's share," the portion of the liquor that escapes from barrels and rises to the heavens during the aging process. Sounds harmless, what with the angels getting wasted and all. But ethanol is more dense than air, so instead of drifting upward to inebriate the heavenly, it eventually slumps back down to Earth, probably looking for a Taco Bell that's still open.

But by the time the ethanol drops down again, it will have had a boozy hookup with moisture in the air, giving birth to a bastard called Baudoinia, or whiskey fungus, which has a sticky, sooty quality. So when the ethanol does its walk of shame back to the ground, it brings the fungus with it, coating every surface within a couple of miles of the factory in in disgusting black film -- even stainless steel. Sure, you can get rid of it with some soap, a pressure wash, and some light-to-medium swearing, but since it comes right back, what's the point, really? And the black gunk isn't just ugly; it damages the buildings and cars it gets its hands on. It really is like your one buddy who's constantly wasted, right down to the yeast infection.

Munchies/Vice“I didn’t see the stop sign because of all the whiskey” is actually a valid excuse here.

Why live by an IHOP when you can just order their pancake syrup online?

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