6 Unnecessarily Horrifying Episodes Of Beloved Kids Shows

This was odd, because the corpse quota on these shows was usually rather low. It's almost as if the show hired some former homicide cops to introduce the boys to the real world. Anyway, it turns out a serial killer is stalking the school, leaving messages written in blood.

Then the beloved Mr. Feeny gets stabbed in the back by a pair of scissors.

Furthering the show's descent into madness, a student shows up dead, which prompts another student to try to commit suicide by jumping out the goddamn window. Luckily a friend talks him out of it, but then less luckily, the masked killer shows up and throws them both off the building.

Of course, it turns out that this whole continuity-ruining, murder-filled episode was a dream. In this case, Shawn was dreaming all this because Cory and Topanga broke up, and ... uh ... stress? Seriously, this is how he's processing it? Even more bizarre, instead of the episode's final moments ending with Shawn getting a CAT scan and years of therapy, the killer appears out of nowhere and sprints into the shadows.

So it was all real? Or is this just a metaphor for Shawn's lingering psychosis? By the way, this wasn't a Halloween episode or otherwise something viewers might have braced themselves for -- it came out in February.

And this wasn't the last time the show dipped into the violent death well for inspiration. Later in the series, "The Psychotic Episode" (literally the title) opens with Cory straight-up murdering Shawn for no damn reason.

Again, this was a dream. But later, he has another murder-dream wherein he strangles his best friend to death.

In the end (after this happens like five times), we find out that this is how Cory is processing his fear of change. What the hell, Boy Meets World? This is not how dreams work. Can't your characters go through any life changes without filtering them through elaborate murder fantasies? Say what you will about Saved By The Bell, but at least Zack never learned any lessons by imagining himself running a chainsaw through the Bayside gang. You'd think maybe Screech, but no, not even him.

Related: 6 Classic Shows (That Went Insane For One Episode)

It turns out Boris is the cousin of Planeteer Linka, and we soon see the drug having weird side effects, turning kids into full-on Romero zombies. The zombie addicts attack the Planeteers, who apparently forget that they all have magic rings.

Things go from worse to hilarious when Boris launches himself through a window, only to start bleeding way too much from the wrists!

He survives, only to die later when he randomly ODs or something (it's not clear). He collapses and is immediately declared dead by one of the children imbued with magic powers but no formal medical training. And that's it. That's the end. The moral of the story is man, what the hell, Boris.

The show had more nightmares in store, though. Like the episode in which the same rat-man villain seemingly gives a teenager AIDS.

The poor kid has to flee to a shack in the woods? Jesus, what is going on here, Captain Planet? Kids were only looking for something to watch on Saturday mornings while their parents slept off hangovers. This is not the time to provoke day-terrors.

But there's still more! Like the episode about radiation, in which the kids visit a hospital's oncology department and Wheeler taunts a bald kid's haircut. The kid responds that he's had radiation treatment, and we all learn a lesson about being patient in the face of colossal asshattery.

Bottom line, it turns out that hanging with Hitler was one of the most sensible things to ever happen on this show. Tasteful, even.

Related: Remember That Time Captain Planet Fought Hitler?

The poor kid is doomed to this hellish limbo because every night, some demon asks him a riddle and won't let him into the afterlife until he gets it right. Then, despite their distinct lack of experience dabbling in the occult, Big Bird and Snuffy help the ghost boy take on the demon.

Things get dumb for a bit then, and our heroes get whisked away to some other plane of existence to try to convince Osiris to let the poor kid into the afterlife.

They eventually manage to answer the riddle the poor kid was stumped on: "Where does today meet yesterday." The answer is, not coincidentally, a museum. Which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, since museums weren't even a thing until 2,500 years ago, well after the time of Osiris, but whatever, we're done. See ya, Osiris, it's been dumb.

Fun footnote: This isn't the only time Big Bird confronted teleportation. Just a few years later, our bird would find himself travelling to China and hanging out with teleporting face-painters.

Related: Why Big Bird Looks Different in Different Countries' 'Sesame Street'

Later in the episode, Babar finds the same hunter, attacks him, and at the last minute decides not to murder him. Yeah, Babar's origin story was basically the same as Batman's.

That wasn't the only time death stalked a Babar episode. There was the episode wherein Babar flashes back to when his old lady friend was dying -- an experience he dealt with by experiencing a batshit crazy hallucination in which he battled an elephant-shaped blood demon in a haunted dreamscape.

And does anyone remember how Babar became king in the first place? Turns out the original king died after eating a "bad mushroom." Babar was nowhere near the king at the time, though, so he was probably innocent. In any event, no one started asking any hard questions, sparing us an elephant-themed Game Of Thrones-like series of recriminations and assassinations.

Related: 6 Insane (But Convincing) Theories on Children's Pop Culture

The Berenstain Bears cartoon show also tackled the issue of stranger danger. And here's where things get really creepy. The story opens with Sister Bear talking to some weirdo in the park.

So Papa Bear has to teach her about strangers, which involves flipping through the paper and reading about the vast quantities of goddamn pedophiles lurking in Bear County.

Which naturally terrifies Sister Bear to the point where she doesn't want to leave the house. Top, top parenting there, Papa Bear. Anyways, in the end, she's fine. But Brother is almost lured into some creep's car.

In another episode, Sister Bear learns about jealousy, the metaphorical green-eyed monster, and because this isn't a subtle show, she soon begins envisioning an actual green monster. In this case, her green monster is an evil doppelganger who creeps into her bed at night.

The monster then convinces Sister to steal her brother's bike, and we can all count ourselves lucky that it stops there, and not, like, with her starting a fight club or something.

Related: The Dirty, Sexy Secret Of The Berenstain Bears

This goes exactly where you would predict it to. Late one night, Counsellor Troi randomly starts reliving a memory of Commander Riker forcing himself on her ...

Then the alien guy shows up in his place and full-on sexually assaults Troi.

So a few things to unpack here. One, holy shit. Two, these guys insinuate themselves into preexisting memories. So is the show implying that Troi was assaulted by Commander Riker and had repressed the memory? How else is the audience supposed to interpret that scene?

It was the alien the whole time? OK.

OK.

Moving quickly away from this point, the show diverts our attention to an alien messing with Dr. Crusher's mind, forcing her to relive when she had to identify her husband's body.

This dream too goes haywire when she sees her husband's corpse opening its eyes.

If there's any good to be found in all of this awfulness, it's probably in the original promo for the show, as the marketing department bravely tried to make an hour of sexual violence and dead husbands springing to life seem like another fun space adventure.

Also, the fact that you yourself repressed your memory of this episode is kind of interesting.

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