6 Unnecessarily Horrifying Episodes Of Beloved Kids Shows

Of course, it turns out that this whole continuity-ruining, murder-filled episode was a dream. In this case, Shawn was dreaming all this because Cory and Topanga broke up, and ... uh ... stress? Seriously, this is how he's processing it? Even more bizarre, instead of the episode's final moments ending with Shawn getting a CAT scan and years of therapy, the killer appears out of nowhere and sprints into the shadows.

Disney–ABC Domestic Television
Well, technically he sprints into the well-lit hall. But you know what we mean.

So it was all real? Or is this just a metaphor for Shawn's lingering psychosis? By the way, this wasn't a Halloween episode or otherwise something viewers might have braced themselves for -- it came out in February.

And this wasn't the last time the show dipped into the violent death well for inspiration. Later in the series, "The Psychotic Episode" (literally the title) opens with Cory straight-up murdering Shawn for no damn reason.

Disney–ABC Domestic Television
Maybe the stupid shirt was the reason.

Again, this was a dream. But later, he has another murder-dream wherein he strangles his best friend to death.

Disney–ABC Domestic Television
"Curse your perfect straight hair."

In the end (after this happens like five times), we find out that this is how Cory is processing his fear of change. What the hell, Boy Meets World? This is not how dreams work. Can't your characters go through any life changes without filtering them through elaborate murder fantasies? Say what you will about Saved By The Bell, but at least Zack never learned any lessons by imagining himself running a chainsaw through the Bayside gang. You'd think maybe Screech, but no, not even him.

It turns out Boris is the cousin of Planeteer Linka, and we soon see the drug having weird side effects, turning kids into full-on Romero zombies. The zombie addicts attack the Planeteers, who apparently forget that they all have magic rings.

Warner Bros. Television
"Quickly, let's use our most powerful weapon: our feet!"

Things go from worse to hilarious when Boris launches himself through a window, only to start bleeding way too much from the wrists!

Warner Bros. Television
Holy crap, Boris.

He survives, only to die later when he randomly ODs or something (it's not clear). He collapses and is immediately declared dead by one of the children imbued with magic powers but no formal medical training. And that's it. That's the end. The moral of the story is man, what the hell, Boris.

The show had more nightmares in store, though. Like the episode in which the same rat-man villain seemingly gives a teenager AIDS.

Warner Bros. Television
Then goes to Kinko's so he can tell everyone?

The poor kid has to flee to a shack in the woods? Jesus, what is going on here, Captain Planet? Kids were only looking for something to watch on Saturday mornings while their parents slept off hangovers. This is not the time to provoke day-terrors.

But there's still more! Like the episode about radiation, in which the kids visit a hospital's oncology department and Wheeler taunts a bald kid's haircut. The kid responds that he's had radiation treatment, and we all learn a lesson about being patient in the face of colossal asshattery.

Warner Bros. Television
You're as mean as you are dumb, Wheeler.

Bottom line, it turns out that hanging with Hitler was one of the most sensible things to ever happen on this show. Tasteful, even.

The poor kid is doomed to this hellish limbo because every night, some demon asks him a riddle and won't let him into the afterlife until he gets it right. Then, despite their distinct lack of experience dabbling in the occult, Big Bird and Snuffy help the ghost boy take on the demon.

Sesame Workshop
Kill it with fire, Snuffy.

Things get dumb for a bit then, and our heroes get whisked away to some other plane of existence to try to convince Osiris to let the poor kid into the afterlife.

Sesame Workshop
We should all aspire to slip so gracefully from this mortal coil.

They eventually manage to answer the riddle the poor kid was stumped on: "Where does today meet yesterday." The answer is, not coincidentally, a museum. Which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, since museums weren't even a thing until 2,500 years ago, well after the time of Osiris, but whatever, we're done. See ya, Osiris, it's been dumb.

Fun footnote: This isn't the only time Big Bird confronted teleportation. Just a few years later, our bird would find himself travelling to China and hanging out with teleporting face-painters.

Sesame Workshop
This episode was brought to you by the letters W,T, and F.

Later in the episode, Babar finds the same hunter, attacks him, and at the last minute decides not to murder him. Yeah, Babar's origin story was basically the same as Batman's.

Nelvana
Babar, seen here hardened after a decade of martial arts training.

That wasn't the only time death stalked a Babar episode. There was the episode wherein Babar flashes back to when his old lady friend was dying -- an experience he dealt with by experiencing a batshit crazy hallucination in which he battled an elephant-shaped blood demon in a haunted dreamscape.

Nelvana
Fuck him up, Babar.

And does anyone remember how Babar became king in the first place? Turns out the original king died after eating a "bad mushroom." Babar was nowhere near the king at the time, though, so he was probably innocent. In any event, no one started asking any hard questions, sparing us an elephant-themed Game Of Thrones-like series of recriminations and assassinations.

Random House
"The best government is a benevolent tyranny tempered by an occasional assassination" -- Voltaire, quoting Babar, presumably

The Berenstain Bears cartoon show also tackled the issue of stranger danger. And here's where things get really creepy. The story opens with Sister Bear talking to some weirdo in the park.

PBS
Nice bears don't wear hats like that.

So Papa Bear has to teach her about strangers, which involves flipping through the paper and reading about the vast quantities of goddamn pedophiles lurking in Bear County.

PBS
"Bothers" is a subtle choice of verb here.

Which naturally terrifies Sister Bear to the point where she doesn't want to leave the house. Top, top parenting there, Papa Bear. Anyways, in the end, she's fine. But Brother is almost lured into some creep's car.

PBS
Probably best to stay away from hatted bears entirely, it seems.

In another episode, Sister Bear learns about jealousy, the metaphorical green-eyed monster, and because this isn't a subtle show, she soon begins envisioning an actual green monster. In this case, her green monster is an evil doppelganger who creeps into her bed at night.

PBS
If you ever wanted a cartoon bear version of Twin Peaks, here, amazingly, it is.

The monster then convinces Sister to steal her brother's bike, and we can all count ourselves lucky that it stops there, and not, like, with her starting a fight club or something.

PBS
Or stealing Christmas.

This goes exactly where you would predict it to. Late one night, Counsellor Troi randomly starts reliving a memory of Commander Riker forcing himself on her ...

CBS Television Distribution

Then the alien guy shows up in his place and full-on sexually assaults Troi.

CBS Television Distribution
Incidentally, this show was rated as appropriate for children aged 8+ by concerned parents.

So a few things to unpack here. One, holy shit. Two, these guys insinuate themselves into preexisting memories. So is the show implying that Troi was assaulted by Commander Riker and had repressed the memory? How else is the audience supposed to interpret that scene?

It was the alien the whole time? OK.

OK.

Moving quickly away from this point, the show diverts our attention to an alien messing with Dr. Crusher's mind, forcing her to relive when she had to identify her husband's body.

CBS Television Distribution
While accompanied by Picard and Picard's toupee.

This dream too goes haywire when she sees her husband's corpse opening its eyes.

CBS Television Distribution
Just top, top work by the subtitle person here.

If there's any good to be found in all of this awfulness, it's probably in the original promo for the show, as the marketing department bravely tried to make an hour of sexual violence and dead husbands springing to life seem like another fun space adventure.

Also, the fact that you yourself repressed your memory of this episode is kind of interesting.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

Love Cracked? Want exclusive content? Prefer an ad-free experience? We've got you covered. Sign up for our Subscription Service for all that and more.

Also check out 8 Horrifying Moments From Classic Kids Cartoons and The 7 Most Unintentionally Nightmarish Children's Characters.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 7 Horrifying Things Snuck into Popular Children's Cartoons, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!

Follow our new Pictofacts Facebook page, and we'll follow you everywhere.

Catch a faceful of funny Thursday, October 19, at The Cracked Stand Up Show hosted by Alex Schmidt and featuring Soren Bowie, Eddie Della Siepe, Joel Samataro, Riley Silverman, and Barbara Gray. Get your tickets here.